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There are reasons neither physiological nor directly related to the abuse that could explain why you don't come from oral sex. The most common is probably the sort of stage fright to which many people, particularly women, are prone: Being the center of attention is so much more awkward than pleasing someone else, and, omigod, what if he wants to stop already and I still haven't come, will he start to resent me? In a word, no, he won't, but try to convince your shyest innermost teenager of that. Your particular partner isn't helping matters much when he opines that it's "odd" of you, either. Odd is as odd does, whatever that means. You have my permission to tell him that you understand that it's unusual in his experience and so on but bringing it up again is not helping and he is welcome to shut up. Well, leave the last part off, if you like. That was just me.

Do keep in mind that not everybody likes everything and sometimes it's just that simple. If that doesn't satisfy and you want to know whether your body to can respond to oralish stimulation in the absence of stage fright, try a trickle of warm water in the bathtub or, if you're up for more, a pulsing showerhead. Water is like a tongue, sort of, but it never says anything to make you feel bad.



Sex on the brain? Interviews for San Francisco Sex Information's spring training start this Saturday and they fill up fast. If you want your chance to be a know-it-all like me, sign up now at http://www.sfsi.org/training.

Andrea Nemerson has spent the last 14 years as a sex educator and an instructor of sex educators. In her previous life she was a prop designer. Visit www.altsexcolumn.com to view her previous columns.