Music for nothing - Page 3

Two jaded rock fans take their ears — and sanity — to the max and tune in to 95.7 Max FM in a 24-hour listening orgy featuring a computer playing "whatever it wants, whenever it feels like it"

Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young." Never question the Elton Joel Theorem: "If a station plays Elton John, then it also plays Billy Joel." It took a while, but Joel is officially on the board — although Elton still leads the competition, four to one. 4:23 p.m. "I put a moratorium on crap," announces Max FM voice-over specialist John O'Hurley, a.k.a. J. Peterman from Seinfeld. Unfortunately, the moratorium lasts just 0.7 seconds, as the next song is Jermaine Stewart's "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off." 6:31 p.m. In the last hour: Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer" and "The Heart of the Matter." It's simply impossible to underestimate Henley's place in the Max FM pantheon. His Building the Perfect Beast and The End of the Innocence are the Sgt. Pepper's and "White Album" of the Variety Hits genre. 7:56 p.m. Bruce Hornsby's "Mandolin Rain." This plain vanilla piano ballad marks a fitting end to a day of plain vanilla music. Having come out on the other side, Jay and Will can empathize with the character from the French plantation scene in Apocalypse Now Redux who described the Vietnam War as "the biggest nothing in history." SFBG

Also from this author

  • Firestarters

    Mutant dance met no-wave noise in the hands of Toy Killers

  • Hater aid

    The Year in Music 2008: I Hate New Music, but does new music suck?

  • Industrial strength

    Few bands inspire as many different reactions as Slovenian collective Laibach