Food and Drink

By Masha Gutkin

The year is 2173. Erstwhile owner of the Happy Carrot Health Food Store, Miles Monroe awakens from a 200-year-long cryogenic freeze to overhear the following conversation between two medical professionals:

"Has he asked for anything special?"

"Yes, this morning for breakfast. He requested something called wheat germ, organic honey, and tiger's milk."

"Oh, yes. Those were the charmed substances that some years ago were felt to contain life-preserving properties . . .”

"You mean there was no deep fat? No steak, or cream pies, or hot fudge?"

"Those were thought to be unhealthy--precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true."

From Woody Allen's Sleeper

So, Goldilocks walks into a bar and grill in the year 2173 and asks for a menu. Is she in the mood for an omelet made with Cancer No!™ eggs and cholesterol-fighting, allicin-fortified Garlic 2.0™ with a side of pork fries (made from a genetic cross between pig and potato) and, to slake her thirst, a Livr-Savr™ Bloody Mary?

Goldilocks blinks and finds herself in an alternate universe of possibilities, where the menu just offers pills: "Indulge yourself! Five time-release courses that melt in your mouth, including foie gras--only 125 calories! Plus, no need to waste precious time sitting through a meal. With this patented pill, you can literally eat and run--at the same time!" The dessert course? Cherry pie like great-great-grandma used to make, which Goldilocks never got to try because cherries have long been too water intensive to grow.

She blinks her way to another alternate universe and an adjectival abundance greets her gaze: niçoise salad with organic, sustainably and locally farmed heirloom potatoes, antibiotic- and hormone-free eggs from certifiably free-range and not debeaked chickens (from a farm with the motto “A chicken for every acre, an acre for every chicken”), line-caught, by-catch-free, mercury-tested wild tuna....

Which of these scenarios are we actually likely to end up with? Well, not “we,” but whichever first-world humans remain on the eve of the third quarter of the next century. Pundits proclaim more hope for a flying car in the nearish future than for a meal in a pill. It looks like Goldilocks won't be getting "I Can't Believe It's Not Foie Gras" ecstasy tabs anytime soon.

Thepill-in-a-meal scenario (a.k.a. nutraceuticals) is, however, very likely. In fact it's already starting, with the smart waters and omega-3-fortified cranberries and, in Japan, Glico Dairy's probiotic blueberry yogurt with fruit juices--and a finish of white rum.

And what about that "transparent" niçoise, the origin of whose every ingredient is fully available to the consumer? Hard to say. At this point we seem to be moving along two paths, paths that are especially divergent along economic lines. The signpost to one path might read, "Slow Food, CSAs, Biodynamic Wine, Goat Cheese Crostini--This Way," while the other reads, "McDonald's, Wal-Mart, 24-Ounce Pop, Cheap Food No Matter What the Price, Twinkies--This Way." We suffer from food-borne schizophrenia nationally and individually. Harvey Levenstein writes in Revolution at My Table: The Transformation of the American Diet, "Homo Americanus and family present a confused picture." InFortune magazine: "The same working mother who repairs to McDonald's three times a week may settle down on the weekends for a bout of gourmet cooking. Diet sodas with pizza, health food for lunch, junk food for dinner--the trends in the market for food are precisely as consistent as the eating habits of Americans."

But, Levenstein says, although we may seem confused, "contemporary attitudes toward food are still solidly grounded in the ideas which helped transform the American diet some one hundred years earlier: that taste is not a true guide to what should be eaten; that one should not simply eat what one enjoys; that the important components of food cannot be seen or tasted, but are discernible only in scientific laboratories." Hence Twinkies, antioxidant-fortified yogurt with a dash of rum, and (to oversimplify) the replacement of farming with agro-industry.

To quote some statistics thrown about during the recent "San Francisco's Food Revolt" talk that took place as part of the Shaping San Francisco series put on by Counterpulse: Four corporations control 40 to 50 percent of the food market; a farmer goes out of business every half hour; and our government pays out $25 billion a year to subsidize agriculture. More statistics (from The Way We Eat: Why Our Food Choices Matter, by Peter Singer and Jim Mason): The average American eats 64 pounds more meat and fish a year than in the 1950s; organic foods "are the fastest-growing section of the food industry"; and 47 percent of "commercially-important ocean-fish populations ... are fished to the full extent of their capacity, so that increasing the number of fish caught would risk causing a population to collapse." Other factors that affect our future food supply are the contamination of waterways by pesticides and effluvia from (factory) farms, possible fuel and water shortages, animal-borne diseases (such as avian flu and mad cow disease), and global warming.

Here's one vision of the future, from a visiting Belgian: "I predict that soon all of America will have good coffee." Something to look forward to, at least. And now for some strutting: Some of the best coffee in the United States started out in the Bay Area; as usual, we were at the forefront of something tasty. The same goes for what these days is often called "the foodie revolution"; now thought of more in terms of gourmet restaurants and products for the moneyed classes, it started with food co-ops, farmers markets, organics, and activism around disrupting the corporate domination of food distribution.

To wax moralistic for a moment, the future of food is dependent on putting our money where our mouths are, as consumers, as communities, and as individuals participating in institutions. Hopefully, we in the Bay Area can continue to be instrumental in forging a future of food that we can feel good about--ethically and flavorfully, so to speak.

Here's a whimsical, short list of some community-based organizations working for the future and the present of food, by helping keep us urban dwellers connected to the food system.

San Francisco Food Systems (www.sffoodsystems.org) is working on the 2007 Farm Bill, the goal of which is to ensure that government subsidies go to smaller-scale farms and to promote local, organic, and sustainable production.

People’s Grocery (www.peoplesgrocery.org) is dedicated to developing "a self-reliant, socially just and sustainable food system in West Oakland."

San Francisco Garden Resource Organization (www.sfgro.org) and Garden for the Environment (www.gardenfortheenvironment.org) offer resources and workshops for community gardeners and educational programs for youth. SFGRO is also starting the first San Francisco community seed library.

Oakland-based Food First (www.foodfirst.org) works to "eliminate the injustice that causes hunger" and educates about and promotes activism in the areas of land reform, alternative agricultural models, farm labor, and other aspects of food production.

Editor's Picks

BEST GINGERBREAD PANCAKES

Going out for brunch is often the best way to cure a hangover and is always a perfect excuse to indulge in a little a.m. dessert. Zazie in Cole Valley has perfected its gingerbread pancake formula especially for the latter purpose. Small, light, and fluffy, the pancakes have a warm, rich flavor that makes you want to take smaller bites so they last longer. The dish is served with apples roasted in syrup and maintains its presence without becoming too sweet. The gingery brown-sugar flavor mixes perfectly with a little butter and syrup, making it almost impossible to keep from disturbing neighboring tables with pleasant moans. Zazie's lighthearted French decor creates a warm and relaxing atmosphere, and the window seats are a perfect place to soak up the sun or slouch back against a few pillows. On weekends expect a sea of people waiting outside, but with Haight Street nearby, the people watching is quite entertaining.

941 Cole, SF. (415) 564-5332, www.zaziesf.com

BEST ALTERNATIVE TO WAR

At YaYa, a cheerful Mesopotamian-Californian bistro on Van Ness Avenue, chef YahYa Salih is doing his best to revive his home country's culinary reputation. Adapted from a traditional breakfast snack, YaYa's Iraqi ravioli, called kelecha, consist of pockets of homemade semolina pasta filled with dates, cinnamon, and cardamom and topped with rendered yogurt sauce, chopped walnuts, and grated Parmesan. Served as an appetizer, the dish hits every part of the palate; in traditional Iraqi cuisine, sweetness is believed to stimulate the appetite. We wouldn't be surprised if before long the Haight Street head shops are selling bumper stickers proclaiming, "Make ravioli, not war." Sweet indeed.

2424 Van Ness, SF. (415) 440-0455, www.yayacuisine.com

BEST BARNACLE EATIN'

OK, so the way goose barnacles look--sort of like anteater penises with toenails--might not be their strongest suit. But boiled and arrayed across a slash of cilantro-jalapeño-cumin pesto and presented in the romantic brick-walled dining room of Sea Salt restaurant, these arthropods shed their cankerous reputation. Chef Anthony Paone instructs his customers to grasp the gray, rocklike base (about the size of a quarter), pull off the sheath, dip the denuded barnacle into the spice paste, squeeze a little lime on the tip, and enjoy; he describes the taste as a blend of octopus, mussel, and crab. Farmed in British Columbia, barnacles are only on the menu about 15 days a year, so call ahead. After all, how often can you tell your friends you ate a few hermaphrodites for dinner?

2512 San Pablo, Berk. (510) 883-1720, www.seasaltrestaurant.com

BEST QUAFFABLE ROOT

The Phone Booth seems like your typical dyke-friendly dive bar: "Jane Says" on the jukebox, pool players squinting down their cues, and a chalkboard scrawled with beers like Newcastle, Stella Artois, and Pilsner Urquell. It's not the kind of place you expect to have a secret drink. But in a Tupperware pitcher beneath the counter hides the tantalizing underbelly of this Mission haunt: owner Jared's stash of fresh ginger juice infused with lemongrass and sugar, inspired by a drink he once tried in Mexico. Though the Phone Booth's ginger margarita is the local favorite, the bartender will also shake you a ginger Pimm's cup, a ginger hot toddy, or any other concoction this rhizome inspires. The bar's red lamps and swirling smoke only accentuate the ginger's tingle and heat. After one sip of this elixir, you'll understand the true meaning of addiction.

1398 S. Van Ness, SF. (415) 648-4683

BEST BARBECUE FOR THE PRICE OF A BEER

Every Sunday around 1 p.m. at the 540 Club, the grill is rolled onto the patio and spiky-haired DJs take over the turntables for the beloved Punk Rock Barbecue. As weenies and shish kebab (and, if you're lucky, ribs and brisket) grill, esteemed punk rock wax slappers recruited from hot spots like Annie's Social Club and the Hemlock Tavern’s Punk Rock Sideshow brave the afternoon sun to provide an unrelenting three-chord sound track for a heavily tattooed crowd downing rivers of $2 Pabsts and more than a few shots of Fernet. The food is good, the beer cold, the crowd friendly, and the atmosphere invariably raucous. Who says Sunday is the ass end of a weekend?

540 Clement, SF. (415) 752-7276, www.540-club.com

BEST BLING-BLING BATHROOM

In the opulent loos of Restaurant Gary Danko, the music of migrating birds mingles with the gurgle of a fountain beneath the sink, and golden lighting casts an opulent glow. Tropical flower arrangements soar toward the ceiling. Leather cozies abound, sheltering everything from the tissue box to the scrolls of terry cloth hand towels. Spare toilet paper rolls sealed with gold "Gary Danko" stickers are arranged in a pyramid. The lemon soap--selected by Mr. Danko himself--lathers so unctuously that it leaves a mound of froth lingering in the sink, and the soap and lotion pumps are decked out with bling-bling ID necklaces. Decadent with a touch of pimp, this is one restroom you won't want to leave. Unfortunately, you can't enjoy your Moroccan-spiced squab there. Although if you snap your fingers, you never know what might be possible.

800 North Point, SF. (415) 749-2060, www.garydanko.com

BEST LIBATIONS AT AN ANGLE

Unlike many "literary landmarks," Heinold's First and Last Chance is the real deal. It was one of Jack London's hangouts back in his oyster-pirate days, and it's mentioned frequently in his novels. And, save for the addition of electricity and the decommissioning of the potbellied stove (in 1989!), Heinold's remains much the same waterfront watering hole it was in 1883. You can literally (get it?) sit at the same table London studied at as a schoolboy. In the past 100 years, there's been only one big change at Heinold's: the angle. The 1906 earthquake caused severe and irreparable settling of the foundation that left the bar with a permanent list of some 5 degrees to port. It's enough to add an Alice in Wonderland–surreal element to the charming old saloon and require extra precautions to keep your libation on an even keel. We bet even London wouldn’t mind.

48 Webster, Oakl. (510) 839-6761, heinoldsfirstandlastchance.com

BEST MAC 'N' CHEESE

You can dive into black pesto raviolini, Jamaican barbecue chicken, gumbo, and pâté plates, but the top reason for you and your imaginary children and your imaginary children's grandchildren to cross the minty-green-and-white checkerboard threshold (a variant of the floor pattern that dominates other Glen Park locations) of Chenery Park Restaurant is to sit down and order the baked macaroni and cheese. Crafted by expert chefs, the version of the American classic here is so delicious that you might never, ever open a box of Annie's powdered imitation again, not to mention Kraft's radioactive-orange monstrosity. If your children aren't imaginary, you’ll be pleased to know that the restaurant's Tuesday “kids night” features a version of the dish without breadcrumb topping.

683 Chenery, SF. (415) 337-8537, www.chenerypark.com

BEST CGI MEN VERSUS NONPROFITEER NOSH PIT

It can be an odd meeting of cultures: old-guard nonprofit workers eating side by side with arrivistes from the Lucasfilm empire in a converted 19th-century military building. No matter, the Acre Cafe remains a lunchtime favorite at the ever-commercializing Presidio, and its green practices stay true to the park’s supposed purpose. The menu dazzles with organic and locally grown produce, fresh soups, and yummy made-to-order sandwiches with free-range meats and artfully combined veggies. The creative concoctions change daily and seasonally, with rotating specials like a honey lavender turnip salad or a decadent fruit and cheese plate and regular favorites like quesadillas and fluffy quinoa salads. On a hot day, lounge on the grassy field outside, sipping an agua fresca or a fresh lemonade with mint, or tank up on Fair Trade coffee after a midday nap. To top it off, all of Acre’s packaging and utensils are compostable (like much in the last Star Wars trilogy).

1013 Torney, Ste. B120, SF. (415) 561-227, www.thoreau.org/tenants/acre.html

BEST SLIDING-SCALE CONTACT HIGH

You’re tripping along the outer reaches of consciousness in the briny Outer Sunset, past a couple of big-ass fairy-tale crows, when somewhere between the sounds of lazy surf and the insouciant flatulence of a Harley-Davidson you suddenly sense the reverberating beat of an old-school dub record, gently tugging at your lower chakra like an aural tractor beam. Next comes an even more potent lure--olfactory this time. What’s cooking? You enter a nondescript corner storefront and meet broad, toothy smiles swathed in all the colors of the Rasta rainbow. Welcome to the Feel Real Organic Café, where the vibes are so bright you’ll need to wear shades, but the food is manna--it’s taken so seriously that the proprietors are loath to put a price on it (too crude, dude) and instead suggest a reasonable “range” of payment. In the case of the daily specialty salad, it’s preferred you just decide what you think it’s worth after you’ve experienced it. Everything is fresh, organic, uniquely prepared, and very tasty. The potato pancakes and greens will delight anytime, but they’re a godsend when you're hungover or feeling unaccountably surreal. Come prepared to chill.

4001 Judah, SF. (415) 504-7325

BEST SECRET MEATLESS CHICKEN

Vegetarians and vegans tired of vegetable spring rolls and a plate of kung pao tofu would do well by a meal at Yum Yum House. In addition to the regular vegetarian dishes, just ask for any of the enticing chicken dishes done “meatless” and voilà--you’re in for a treat. Aside from the popular General Tso's meatless chicken--savory balls of soy “chicken” breaded and fried to a crisp, tossed with a slightly spicy, mildly sweet General Tso's sauce, and placed on a bed of perfectly steamed broccoli--there’s also basil meatless chicken, Szechuan meatless chicken, the classic sweet-and-sour chicken, and many more. As a starter, try the mouthwatering vegetable pot stickers, six pan-fried pieces of veggie goodness. Yum Yum’s atmosphere is casual, reservations aren't necessary, and even though it always looks full in there, you’ll never have to wait long. If you live in the Mission, have it delivered and get free chow mein or fried rice with an order of two entrées. Make sure to mention "no eggs" if you're vegan.

581 Valencia, SF. (415) 861-8698

BEST VEGAN ISLAND JITTERS

Imagine creamy coffee-flavored ice cream with rich fudge swirls, macadamia nuts, coconut flakes, and ground espresso beans. Now imagine this flavor, Island Jitters, is not only orgasmically creamy and delicious but also made with a coconut milk base and completely dairy free and vegan. Local ice cream parlor MaggieMudd offers 60 flavors of dairy-free ice to the lactose intolerant, vegan, and those just adventurous enough to try such favorites as Flyin' Hawaiian (with chocolate-covered macadamia nuts and toasted coconut flakes), Death Squad (a deadly combination of chocolate, peanut butter, vegan marshmallow, fudge, peanuts, and brownie bits), Peanut Butter Palooka (peanut butter ice cream with chocolate-covered peanut chunks and peanut butter swirls), and Pink Trousers (fresh strawberries and lemon and Mexican blanco tequila). MaggieMudd has more modest flavors like cookies and cream for those not inclined toward mega-insane taste explosions and even offers almond milk–based ice cream for those with soy allergies. From freshly made vegan waffle cones to banana splits and root beer floats, MaggieMudd mixes modern vegan twists with comforting childhood traditions.

903 Cortland, SF. (415) 641-5291, www.maggiemudd.com

BEST SUPERPREMIUM EX-MILITARY STILL

The Alameda Naval Air Station, which closed in 1997, is slated for an extensive makeover including a marina, a wildlife preserve, shops, and housing. For now, though, its 2,479 lonely acres host only the occasional film crew (parts of The Matrix Reloaded and some Mythbusters experiments were staged here), the Alameda Naval Air Museum, and some seriously fantastic booze. Superpremium vodka Hangar One is pot-distilled here from wheat and viognier grapes, infused with ingredients like Buddha's hand citron, kaffir lime, mandarin blossom, and even (in small one-off batches) far-out flavors like wasabi. Sharing the space is parent company St. George Spirits, where the same techniques are applied to eau-de-vie, grappa, and some of the best single-malt whiskey you'll ever sip. The tasting room, open to the public, smoothly blends military-industrial with apothecary-traditional, and the huge windows have staggering views of the San Francisco skyline.

2601 Monarch, Alameda. (510) 769-1601, www.hangarone.com

BEST SPLASH OF LIMEY

Invented as a tonic in the middle of the 19th century from a still top-secret mixture of gin, quinine, herbs, and spices, Pimm's No. 1 is a dark red concoction queasily reminiscent of quack medicine (we can't be responsible should you attempt shooters of the stuff). But splash in some lemon soda, mint, and cucumber slices, and you've got yourself a Pimm's cup, Britain's unofficial national summertime cocktail--both more refreshing and more alcoholic than the quotidian shandy. It's the drink of Wimbledon, as well as the croquet lawn, the cricket pitch, and anywhere else you can stain your crisp whites with pink fizz. This side of the pond, slake your latent Anglophilia as well as your thirst with a perfectly proper, cucumber-scented Pimm's at the Orbit Room.

1900 Market, SF. (415) 252-9525

BEST DISCOUNT OENOPHILIA

Like Costco for really good wine, the largest wine merchant west of the Mississippi doesn't waste time on display cases or fancy signage--Wine Club bottles are housed in (often recycled) cardboard boxes, lined up against the windowless wall, and identified with terse but informative handwritten or laser-printed descriptions. But what bottles! Oenophiles will delight in the range of regional tastes available, from Bordeaux classics to sparkling wines from Albuquerque--all priced to fit our ghetto-swirler budget. In-store tastings (usually $10 to $20 for several generous, well-selected pours) tackle such themes as "best bang for your buck" and "worldwide wine values" along with the usual regional, seasonal, and varietal focuses. Staffers let you wander without hovering, yet they'll answer questions enthusiastically--and they'll open up any bottle for a tasting at a 10th of the bottle price (a great bargain if you're in the market for some premium grapeage).

953 Harrison, SF. (415) 512-9086, www.wineclub.com

BEST TRIUMPH OF THE NICE

For years the little Vietnamese restaurant that could was Lotus Garden, treasured as much for the ridiculously warmhearted and attentive family that owned it as for the (very good) raw beef salad. Kathy, the owner, seemingly never forgot a face, brought favorites to the table without being asked, offered off-menu treats, and welcomed walk-ins as graciously as regulars. But the boondocky location at Mission and 30th Street didn't attract much foot traffic, and business was never what it should have been. Bernal Heights' heart broke a little the day it was replaced by a generic Chinese restaurant called Fortune Cookie (ouch) the day before Christmas (oof) in 2004. But maybe with the most recent wave of gentrification, venturing past 24th Street now seems like less of a footslog or maybe Lotus Garden's unswerving support base's cries were heard. Whatever the case, the sweethearts of South of Chavez are back, in a new location next door to Blue Plate on Mission between 29th Street and Valencia. And dang if Kathy didn't recognize us the moment we walked in.

3216 Mission, SF. (415) 282-9088

BEST CAFETERIAL OOHS AND AAHS

The VA hospital cafeteria may be the perfect morning-after litmus test. Yes, it's a hospital cafeteria, and the food ranges from barely decent to downright repellent. It would be unwise to attempt lunch or dinner here. But breakfast resides firmly within the realm of the mediocre, the coffee is decent, and the ’70s vinyl-and-atrium decor is a topic bound to fill any awkward conversational lacunae. If a second date is obviously not in the cards, you're out less than five bucks for the both of you (it may not be fancy, but this place offers some of the cheapest eats in the city). And if the sparks are still flying, just waltz out to the parking lot for a head-over-heels view. See, the hospital's teetering on a bluff on the edge of the Pacific, looking out on the Golden Gate Bridge and the Marin Headlands. Bill and coo at one of the picnic benches, then take a leisurely stroll: The Cliff House, Lincoln Park, and Golden Gate Park are all within easy walking distance.

4150 Clement, Bldg. seven, SF.

(415) 221-4810

BEST BECHEROVKA IN THE BACK

Flavor, like smell, can trigger memories of time and place more powerfully than flipping through a dog-eared photo album ever does. (Proust, anyone?) And as lovers of Prague can attest, there is hardly a flavor more evocative of a summer evening strolling across the Charles Bridge than the sharp herbal tang of Becherovka, a digestif brewed in Karlovy Vary, Czech Republic, since 1807. Like Fernet or Pernod it's an acquired taste, but once acquired, no substitute will do. The fine wine selection showcased in the big, airy Blackwell's Wines and Spirits is fantastic, but we like availing ourselves of the opportunity to buy a bottle of our favorite Central European tipple and reminisce about those glory days carousing in Wenceslas Square. Close your eyes, raise your glass, and toast the remembrance of a far-flung youth or the anticipation of adventures to come.

5620 Geary, SF. (415) 386-9463, www.blackwellswines.com

BEST NEW VIETNAMESE ENSCONCEMENT

While day-trippers, tourists, and others among the less well informed and less adventurous are paying through the nose at the Ferry Building for their contemporary Vietnamese food, you could be safely ensconced at Dragonfly, a year-old Inner Sunset restaurant whose stylish urban interpretations of Vietnamese cooking are as good as any in town, at calming prices. The setting (once a dim Chinese seafood place) is modest but crisply appointed; there are elegant white table linens, glossy wood chairs, and a view--not of the bay, alas, but of Muni's N Judah trains squealing through a 90-degree turn on their way to and from the neighborhood's foggiest outlands. So maybe money can buy some things. On the other hand, some of us are afraid of water, to say nothing of day-trippers roaming in packs. Since you rode public transport here, you can get as tipsy as you like at dinner without having to worry about a DUI bust on the way home.

420 Judah, SF. (415) 661-7755

BEST WAY TO DO IT RAW RIGHT

Although there is no version for chefs of the Hippocratic oath taken by physicians ("First, do no harm"), there probably should be, at least with respect to seafood. The best way to handle creatures of the briny deep in the kitchen is often to do as little to them as possible: Slice up, drizzle with a little of this, a dash of that, and serve. This is the wisdom of sushi, and it is artfully practiced at Bar Crudo, a loftlike little restaurant that teeters on the lip of the Stockton Tunnel. Despite or because of the theme of crudo (raw), the offerings are wide, ranging from oysters to sashimi to seviche and including some cooked items such as cracked crab and a stunningly tasty seafood chowder. Most of the seating is on the mezzanine, and much fun can be had peering over the railing straight down into the chefs' stainless-steel work bowls. Crudo-cam!

603 Bush, SF. (415) 956-0396, www.barcrudo.com

BEST REVERSE-CURSE FUSION

Yes, "fusion" is a mild curse now among the food cognoscenti, the concept of east-west cooking as 1980s-dated and stale as sun-dried tomatoes, pesto, and goat cheese. The world does not need another Chinese paella. (The horror!) Yet Bushi-tei, a Japantown restaurant with a faintly sinister name, manages to redeem the term. It helps, of course, that the place is sensationally good looking, a magic amalgam (or fusion) of frosted-glass screens, candlelight, and woodwork salvaged from a mid-19th-century building in Nagano, Japan; the long glass-topped communal table on the main floor is like something from a medieval monastery as reimagined by I.M. Pei. The food is more west than east, with influences from the latter tending to take the form of subtle flourishes and emendations. Could this be the future of fusion?

1638 Post, SF. (415) 440-4959, www.bushi-tei.com

BEST EYE TACOS

Do you like to eat things on a dare? Yeah, us too. And while we've enjoyed stir-fried crickets in Thailand and alligator ribs in the Big Easy, there are some gustatory bungee jumps even we're afraid to take. First on that list would be tacos de ojo at Tacos Mexicali. Yep, eye tacos--cow eyes, we presume. While we've had tacos of every stripe, from stingray to cabeza (that's head, Elroy), the legendary ocular taco ranks up there with the Rutger Hauer finger-in-the-french-fries scene in The Hitcher on the appetizing scale. If you're not up for eyeballs, fear not: Mexicali's got just about every other part of the cow head: cabeza, lengua (tongue), sesos (brains), and barbacoa, which is translated on the menu simply as "barbacoa," although rumor has it it’s a special, slow-cooked version of cow head. Beyond the beef dome there's buche (pork stomach) and tripas, translated eloquently on the sign as "guts." Of course, for those not into extreme dining, Mexicali has your more traditional al pastor (marinated pork), carnitas (fried pork), carne asada (steak), and pescado (fish) offerings.

2948 21st St., SF. (415) 550-9410

BEST CUTE-BOY DEEP DISH

It's hard enough to spell--let alone pronounce--Patxi's, but once this interestingly irritating little word has been gotten out of the way (the restaurant's full name is Patxi's Chicago Pizza), we find ourselves in a heavenly realm of deep-dish pizza, arguably the best such pizza in town. That isn't saying much, but we say it anyway. (Speaking of saying, the name is pronounced "pah-cheese.") Pies are filled Chicago style, with the likes of sausage, onions, mushrooms, and green peppers; and San Francisco style, with low-fat cottage cheese, fresh spinach, and red onions. And other styles too. If you're not up for deep dish, you’ll find that the thin-crust pizzas are pretty good; has anyone ever improved, really, on simple pepperoni? Wethinks not. Ambience: neo–Hayes Valley, with tons of cute boys both serving and being served, if you catch our drift.

511 Hayes, SF. (415) 558-9991, www.patxispizza.com

BEST PANORAMIC ORGANIC HUT

You can have your Golden Gate Bridge and eat something too. Think local, think organic, and drool over the sweeping views from the Warming Hut, a cafe at the northwestern tip of the Presidio. Slough off the chilly sea mist with hot soup and tasty sandwiches served an organic apple's throw from the landmark bridge. In a sustainably designed building insulated with recycled denim and renovated using salvaged wood and other materials, you can sip organic coffee as you drink in a larger-than-life panorama of the Marin Headlands, Alcatraz, Angel Island, and all those funny-looking glass-and-steel boxes downtown. The cafe strives to serve as much pesticide-free and locally produced food as possible, so their seasonal offerings may include cheese from grass-fed critters in Marin or organic summer strawberries harvested by union labor. Depending on the weather, you can picnic on Torpedo Wharf or cozy up inside and watch the container ships chug by.

Presidio, Bldg. 983, SF. (415) 561-3040, www.parksconservancy.org/visit/parkcafes.php

BEST TURNIP CAKE

Filling a niche for those willing to pay a bit more per dim sum small plate to avoid the tourists on Grant Street--or just eager for more tasty meals courtesy of the folks who brought us Yum Yum House--Big Lantern also offers the full complement of dishes you'd expect to find in your nicer brand of neighborhood Chinese restaurant. But honestly, we haven't been able to tear ourselves away from the dim sum menu long enough to find out what anything else tastes like, and our favorite selection is most definitely the delectable turnip cake. It may not sound like something you'd want to sink your teeth into: The consistency is ... well, dentures appropriate, and the thing is indeed a rectangular block consisting primarily of turnips (also fakon and a generous portion of cooking oil). But this homely little root-veggie dish manages to crest some mysterious pinnacle of deliciousness we barely knew existed before walking through Big Lantern's doors.

3170 16th St., SF. (415) 863-8100, biglantern.com

BEST WAY INTO A JAM

When life offers lemons, some people make lemonade. But award-winning, highly lauded jam maker June Taylor might make something more like an heirloom-variety, small farm–grown, Meyer lemon and rose geranium small-batch marmalade instead. Her products sell like reserve wine--low production, high demand, and once it's gone, it's gone. But while her creations may always remain in short supply, the classes she gives at her Berkeley kitchen, the Still Room, teach students how to make enough concentrates and conserves to keep their own toast fruity throughout the year. The only drawback to learning from a master like Taylor is that even her classes are in high demand: As of press time, all her summer fruit–preserving classes were already jam-packed. However, a new schedule of events will be on the vine again in the fall.

2207 Fourth St., Berk. (510) 548-2236, www.junetaylorjams.com

BEST COCINA THAT'S NOT A TAQUERÍA

La Cocina Community Kitchen isn’t a restaurant where one can walk in and order; it provides something far more delicious to feed the soul of the community: opportunity. Working with flavors from Chile and the Yucatán, tomorrow’s caterers and chocolatiers are getting their start through this Women's Foundation of California project, a Latina-run food business incubator in the Mission where there's not a burrito in sight--so stop asking! What you will find is something far more flavorful and culturally innovative: a nonprofit business development site and community kitchen designed to help low-income, food-centered minority women entrepreneurs get their own ideas for a business off the ground. In addition to a stove, these new businesspeople get workshops on how to handle their operations, access to a skilled board of seasoned professionals, and a network of sisters who share the space.

2948 Folsom, SF. (415) 824-2729, www.lacocinasf.org

BEST FANCY-PANTS NONALCOHOLIC TIPPLE

The mahogany bar is deep and plunging, the swizzle sticks are in full swing, and the lemons and limes are sliced. But what to do when you want to meet your pregnant pal, your designated driver, or your friend in recovery for conversation that just can't happen over coffee or tea? Veggie mecca Millennium is here to help, stocking a fruitful variety of cocktail-like libations that swirl the same sophistication, snazz, and savor as the real deal--save for the bite of the booze. A nonalcoholic cabernet or gewürztraminer is pure class in a glass, and a saucy, spicy herbal extract suspended in organic pomegranate juice arrives in a martini glass, garnished and ready to fool all but those savvy enough to knock it back. Polite teetotalers won't flaunt the fact that they'll feel better in the morning than you will.

580 Geary, SF. (415) 345-3900, www.millenniumrestaurant.com

BEST VEGAN FREEDOM OF CHOICE

San Francisco's not a bad town for vegetarians--there's a scattering of establishments whose menus are expansive vistas, from soup to nuts, of heavenly meatless dishes. And heavenly is nice. But options are nice too, and truth be told, a far-too-common dining-out scenario involves scanning the bill of fare for the one or two (or zero) meat-free dishes on offer. And vegans? Seeking alimentary novelty can be so laborious they should get paid to eat out. So when Cha-Ya, a vegan Japanese restaurant in Berkeley, opened a branch on Valencia Street with a menu listing some 60-plus delectable-sounding dishes, some among us made stupid vegan jokes and the rest left work early to go try it out. Confronted by so much choice, we risked slipping into a state of overstimulated catatonia, but decided to just order lots of food instead. Over time we've managed to settle on a few favorites, such as the tonchi nasu, chunks of eggplant tempura stuffed with veggies and soybeans in a ginger sauce, and the moon garden, a steamed tofu custard (sounds odd, tastes yummy) with more tofu, ginkgo nuts, and veggies mixed into it. Garden variety--it really is the spice of life.

762 Valencia, SF. (415) 252-7825

BEST STUFFED CABBAGE

Your bubbe never made it as good as renowned cookbook author and California Street Delicatessen and Cafe kitchen consultant Joyce Goldstein: talented, plump, and fearless. Discuss: Niman Ranch quality ground beef (no pig in a blanket here) swaddled in velvety, tight rolls of fragrant cabbage, happily puddled in a tangy, tomatoey sweet and sour reduction so good it brings tears to our eyes. For those of you who say we don't have a good East Coast deli, we happily point your gaping appetite to this exhibit A. Everything on the menu here is pure Jew heaven--the yummy free pickles, the authentic egg creams, the better-than-traditional flake of the potato knish. But the stuffed cabbage alone is good enough to consider a full conversion, or at least putting a little something extra in the tzedakah box.

3200 California, SF. (415) 922-3354, www.californiastreetdeli.com

BEST RENEGADE BAND OF ROVING GOURMANDS

Eating with Jeremy Townsend and his merry band of gourmands is a true adventure. Their renegade roving supper club, Ghetto Gourmet, enthusiastically explores some lesser-known haunts of the Bay dining scene. Here's how it started: Jeremy's brother was getting a little bored chefing it up at Mecca. He wanted to whip up some plates of his own and, with Jeremy's help, enlisted a bunch of friends to split the cost of ingredients for a long night of feasting at their pad in the East Bay. Everyone had such a grand time it became a regular institution, with a first-come, first-serve open invite to friends, friends of friends, moms, coworkers, and third cousins of friends of friends. "Pretty soon I had a room full of people I didn't know," Jeremy says two years later. With no prior experience in restaurants except eating at them, he says, "there's no restaurant experience like this at all." Integrating his past work in theater, Jeremy has helped the meals become like prix fixe performance art, with guest chefs and surprise venues throughout the Bay Area. A successful recent Ghetto Gourmet trip to Los Angeles has Jeremy thinking about going on permanent tour, but for now the roving supper club happily continues to plunder the Bay's gustatory riches.

www.ghetto-gourmet.com

BEST HAUTE COUTURE FROMAGE

Name notwithstanding, you won't cross paths with a Roquefort in Chanel--much less a pepper jack in knock-off Gucci--at the Cheese Boutique. This familial shop is all about serving you cheeses, not outfitting them. Yet that news isn't too disappointing when one considers the tremendous variety of cultured goods for the lactose tolerant and the lactose loving. Greek cheeses, French cheeses, and cheeses representing Holland ... Italian fontina, Spanish manchego, English Cotswald, Dutch mimolette, and grill-ready halloumi from Cyprus ... it's a veritable World Cup of cow products waiting to wage tasty war on your palate! Stocked with Moroccan and Sicilian olives, the deli is attractive, but look around and you'll also encounter enough Wilkin and Sons marmalades to make any lady go crazier than a bump-cutting Patti LaBelle impersonator. Gitchi-gitchi-yum-yum-yum!

666 Chenery, SF. (415) 333-3390

BEST SPACE FOR A FRESHLY CREAMED FACE

Thank the Japanese for this odd establishment. Picture a food court chain store in the mall that specializes in the most delicious cream puffs ever. The pastries are preservative free, all natural, and made daily by (of course) middle-aged Japanese men resembling teenage Hot Dog on a Stick employees. Plasma screen TVs adorn the walls. Moreover, Beard Papa, the store's namesake and logo, looks suspiciously like a cartoon version of the Gorton's fish sticks guy. All this aside, the sweet treats melt in your mouth like nothing else. The pastry is double layered--the inner shell is choux (a form of light French pastry) and the outer shell is pie crust. Whipped-cream custardy goodness is made to order and comes (on a rotating basis) in pumpkin, chocolate, green tea, caramel, strawberry, and milk tea. So desirable are these concoctions that the standard flavor--made with hand-picked Madagascar vanilla beans--was the only option left for latecomers at the store's grand opening last May.

760 Mission, SF. (415) 978-9972, www.beardpapasf.com

BEST HUSH-HUSH YUM ON A BUN

Regular patrons of San Francisco's sausage-savant haven Rosamunde have something to hide. Though there will probably be a price on our heads for revealing this information, carnivorous connoisseurs deserve to know their delicious secret. Crowds start lining up before the 11:30 a.m. opening time not for Rosamunde's delectable weiners, but (gasp!) for hamburgers. That's right. They only make 200 perfect patties daily, and once they're gone, you're screwed. After ordering your delectable burger, you can wait for it while sipping on a beer next door at Toronado. Eventually, someone will call your name and present you with the finest hunk of meat-on-bun you've ever had. This burger and beer combo is so quintessentially San Franciscan, you can probably explain to your boss that your constant Tuesday midday absences are all in the name of good citizenship.

545 Haight, SF. (415) 437-6851

BEST MODERATELY PRICED CANTONESE MEGAWATTAGE

Even if it wasn't open till 3 a.m. six nights a week, we suspect that Yuet Lee Seafood Restaurant would always be packed, because it's easily one of the best moderately priced Chinese restaurants in town. Foodies may sniff at the distinctly unadventurous Cantonese bill of fare (heavy on seafood, natch), but we've always found the food to be excellent: delightfully fresh, expertly prepared, and extremely tasty. The clams in black bean sauce and the almond chicken earn special kudos. But there's no escape from the extreme candlepower. Yuet Lee is literally a beacon in the night on the corner of Stockton and Broadway, seemingly lit by 10,000 fluorescent suns. The interior is more brilliantly lit than some operating rooms, which, when combined with the lime green walls, makes for some interesting visual effects. But you'll forget that your date looks like a drunken zombie as soon as the food arrives. In a few minutes you're both going to look like content, well-fed drunken zombies. What could be better?

1300 Stockton, SF. (415) 982-6020

BEST GUIDE TO GREENER ETHNIC EATERIES

The price of a meal often determines your restaurant of choice. But what about the other costs? Restaurants contribute enormous amounts of waste in the form of food scraps and energy and paper consumption. Check out Thimmakka.org if you want to eat at an establishment that composts its food scraps, reduces paper waste, and follows green guidelines for managing its energy and waste. Thimmakka's a nonprofit that provides resources for environmental education, with the goal of greening 10 percent of restaurants in the country's largest cities, focusing mainly on ethnic restaurants. Due to its efforts many local South Asian and Southeast Asian restaurants have received language-specific training for environmental and health outreach, which is most often only available in Spanish and Chinese. Next time you want a truly "green" green curry, check out Thimmakka's comprehensive listings.

www.thimmakka.org

BEST PLACE TO JOCKEY FOR A LAST LAPTOP TABLE

When you walk through the door of Ritual Coffee Roasters on Valencia, you're immediately greeted by the oh-so-familiar sounds of a quintessential San Francisco coffee shop. The hiss of steaming milk, clanking plates, and chattering voices of twentysomethings with neck tattoos all lend an air of authenticity to the place. Yes, this is what a coffee shop should sound like, and this is what it should be like. The coffee is amazing, the walls are decorated by local artists, and there are computer-size tables everywhere. To add to their office-worker-friendly environment they’ve also installed more dim track lighting than you’ll find in a bedroom exhibition at Ikea. The only drawback is its popularity. On an average weekday morning the place is packed wall to wall with hipsters on their new MacBooks. Good luck with your Bluetooth, pal.

1026 Valencia, SF. (415) 641-1024, www.ritualroasters.com

BEST FULL PLATE FOR UNDER $5

Sure, the high cost of living. You know all about that. Overpriced apartments, expensive bar tabs, roommates who run the heat all foggy summer with the windows open. Oh yes, and debt. You have acres of debt, don't you? You're constantly counting change. Luckily, a handful of change is all you'll need at Tommy's Joynt, where a turkey sloppy joe clocks in at $4.25, gravy and mashed potatoes included. Maybe you just caught a matinee at the AMC across the street, or perhaps you're schlepping up from the Hemlock or Edinburgh Castle, fully rocked out and not looking forward to the long wait for the next Van Ness bus. Follow the siren call of Tommy's, the garish mural outside promising "Big, Beautiful ... Sandwiches." In through the swinging doors and back through time you travel, 50 years or more. Dark wood interiors, walls plastered with smarty-pants placards boasting of the benefits of buffalo meat, and an international beer selection. Don't be tempted by the Polish kielbasa sandwich, which is cheaper yet again but delivers a turgid, stubby tube unworthy of its Old World nomenclature. Stay with me here: It's all about the sloppy joe. Don't let ’em skimp on the gravy, and remember, the pickles are free.

1101 Geary, SF. (415) 775-4216, www.tommysjoynt.com

BEST CHEBUREK

When they invaded Crimea, the Tatars brought with them a delectable item we now know as the cheburek: a really greasy, deep-fried pastry straddling the line between crunchy and chewy and stuffed with spiced ground meat (possibly bull scrota and lamb hooves). Moscow and Tbilisi Bakery offers a very fine cheburek--beef only, they assure--in a setting that replicates to an astonishing degree the experience of frequenting a Soviet big-city bakery. The distinct listlessness, lackadaisical customer service, and inexplicably empty shelves lining the walls are nostalgic for some, just strange for others. Regardless, at $2 a pop, Moscow and Tbilisi's cheburek (plural, chebureki) makes a satisfying, artery-challenging meal. Be sure to ask the deadpan woman of indeterminate age behind the counter to warm it up for you.

5540 Geary, SF. (415) 668-6959

BEST OKONOMIYAKI

Although frequently translated on menus as "Japanese pancake" or "Japanese pizza," "frittata" might better describe the delicious country-style egg, dough, veggies, seafood, and meat dish known as okonomiyaki. Mifune Don, a hole-in-the-wall at the Miyako Mall in Japantown, serves up a definite best in the okonomiyaki category--its version is fluffy and chewy and comes decorated with an artful grid of tangy mayonnaise-esque sauce, which is further topped with delicious seaweed sprinkles and ethereal bonito flakes (these last do a little dance as they wither and wilt in the heat sent up by the hot cast-iron plate on which the okonomiyaki arrives). Apparently, "Okonomi" means "as you like" in Japanese, in reference to the heady variety of possible ingredients in your okonomiyaki--we prefer the pork, squid, and vegetable.

22 Peace Plaza, Miyako Mall, Japantown, SF. (415) 346-1993

BEST WAY TO LISTEN TO YOUR FOOD

This year an extremely popular local lecture series publicly tackled the issues of agricultural sustainability, the economics of organics, and American attitudes about eating--and featured all of the leading names on the subject, including luminaries Michael Pollan and Alice Waters. Best of all, it was free and open to the general public. The Food Politics lecture series was put on by UC Berkeley’s Richard and Rhoda Goldman School of Public Policy, and we applaud the school for contributing to the Bay Area's food politics education. The school also offers lectures and panel discussions on such things as the environmental impact of coal and the future of urban housing development, many of which don't cost a dime. And we, the freeloading public, love it.

2607 Hearst, Berk. (510) 642-4670, gspp.berkeley.edu

BEST RIB EYE THAT WON'T ROB YOU

A family-owned joint that’s nearly 40 years old, Palace Steak House is a living museum piece. Patrons enjoy decor from the last century (i.e., the Palace's 1970s heyday) and tasty, generous cuts of beef that come cooked as you requested (meaning extra rare if you say so) alongside a baked potato, garlic bread, and iceberg salad with garbanzo beans and croutons--your choice of ranch, Italian, or blue cheese dressing. Grab an orange plastic tray and order at the counter. The Palace is also the best place to pretend you're not in the gourmet ghetto of the Bay Area while stuffing yourself for astonishingly little cash. Where else can you get a rib eye steak for $10.99? Don't forget to have a single-serving bottle of wine--your choice of red or white. Be sure to peruse the wall of photos of long-dead local politicos in their bygone sartorial splendor.

3047 Mission, SF. (415) 647-2011

BEST CAR WASH SALSA BAR

Multitasking foodies, take heart: It's possible to get your car detailed and enjoy a delicious fish taco at the same time. An outpost of local chain el Balazo on Marin Street (just before the 101 on-ramp on Bayshore) literally shares an outdoor complex with a car wash, a stereo and alarm installer, and a window tinter. Even better: The food is way tastier and way cheaper than at any of this Balazo’s brethren (the shrimp and fish tacos are especially good, but everything's yummy, and there are tons of veggie options). And no other taquería in town allows you to fill up at the fresh salsa bar, then sit outside in the sunshine while your car gets the clean treatment, listen to blaring blues music, and watch the urban mix of neighborhood characters--the ski-capped caretaker; workers from the nearby factories, warehouses, and WB station; car-obsessed kids; and other complete randoms (the crew from Mythbusters has been spied here).

2560 Marin, SF. (415) 282-7130

BEST WARM GROG

Step away from the mayhem of Berkeley's rowdier Telegraph Avenue blocks and into le Bateau Ivre (translation: the drunken boat) and you'll swear you've entered an alternate reality--an alleyway in Marseille, perhaps. When open, the back room of the restaurant is utterly inviting: Old-world brick walls and a high ceiling enclose the fireplace's soft glow. There exists no finer place to amble in solo, order a refined drink, and delve into reading or writing a masterpiece (or designing a Web site--free wireless is provided). And somehow this haven accommodates the lone writer as perfectly as young lovers or a 50-person formal banquet. The food is a bargain for the quality; try the kefta with spicy cilantro walnut sauce, French bread, salad, and fresh fruit, all for under $10 (the ambience alone is worth that much). The filet mignon, the escargots, and the cheese platter are impeccable as well. And rare alcohols, such as Hungarian Barack Palinka (apricot brandy), are imported from around the world. On a dark winter night the grog is especially welcome, coming in the form of a pot of hot tea and a beaker of Stroh 160-proof butterscotch rum--mix with discretion.

2649 Telegraph, Berk. (510) 849-1100, www.lebateauivre.net

BEST AFTER-HOURS BEER GELATO

It's 2:30 a.m.--do you know where you can satisfy that sudden yen for purple Japanese rice gelato? Perfectly perched on the most hoppin' corner of Grant and Broadway, the blazingly lit YooGo Gelato offers all the conventional Italian flavors of gelato and nonfat nondairy sorbetto, including white mint, amaretto, white chocolate hazelnut, and stracciatella. But the tastes that really put the joint over the top are Asian ones such as lychee, durian, black sesame, and taro and unusual ones like pumpkin, rose--and beer. Yep, it tastes like a brewski-doused Icee, and in case you can't read English, there's a can of Budweiser next to the serving tray so it's all perfectly clear. Even when peering through those ever-popular beer goggles. Of course, everyone who stumbles in from the many nearby watering holes has to point, laugh, and down a sample. And when you finally settle down with your cup of beer, papaya, or rum and raisin, you'll find the best seat in North Beach--from which to spy couples pawing each other in front of the Wells Fargo ATM, Chinese kids kicking each other's asses, or the random soused dude peeing on the Mercedes out front. YooGo, boy?

601 Broadway, SF. (415) 398-2996, www.yoogogelato.com

BEST MISO

Not all miso is created equal. Some has too much of that ineffable fermented soybean–and–grain miso-ness going for it. And then there's Tokyo Go Go's little bowl of goodness. At first we thought it was the generous inclusion of extra-fresh young pea shoots sprinkled on top that makes this bowl a standout. Then we considered it might be the miniature, precise cubes of tofu (not too soft, not too firm) lingering at the bottom of the bowl. Or was it the distinctive potency of the broth or the pieces of gorgeous green wakame seaweed floating dreamily within the cloudy depths? Of course, in the end we realized that this magnificent miso is, in the tradition of transcendence, more than the sum of its parts. It's so good, sometimes we can’t help ordering a second helping.

3174 16th St., SF. (415) 864-2331, www.tokyogogo.com

BEST SUSHI CLUB CARD

Hello, my darling hamachi face! Wouldn't you agree that few things in life deserve to inspire the formation of clubs, but that one of those few things is sushi? If the answer is yes or you’re just craving some of the most buttery-smooth sake nigiri you could ever hope to taste, then motor on over to Yo's Sushi Club. Yo's used to be housed in the front of the defunct Voodoo Lounge on Mission Street, but owner Yoshi and some great waiters are now on their own and thriving closer to Bernal Heights. For each $10 purchase Yo's gives you a stamp, and 10 stamps get you 15 percent off your next visit. We currently have three different cards with a total of 13 stamps, which is as much a testimony to the deliciousness of Yo's fresh fish as it is to the messiness of our wallet.

3309 Mission, SF. (415) 824-1215

BEST SWEET TARTS FOR YOUR SWEETHEART

On one of the walls in the tiny Destination Baking Company you’ll find an illustrated poster that carefully breaks down the "Periodic Table of the Desserts." And the strawberry crostatas here--and even simple treats like chocolate-covered yellow cupcakes--prove that these folks have a Ph.D. in the sweetest of sciences. A little black old-school radio pipes music as the Destination folks bake and display a fresh-daily array of fruit and chocolate tarts, baguettes, and cinnamon rolls (with or without raisins). You want a cake that can take on Tartine's richness or Dianda's whipped lightness? Call 48 hours in advance and you'll get your wish.

598 Chenery, SF. (415) 469-0730

Editor's Picks

BEST GINGERBREAD PANCAKES

BEST ALTERNATIVE TO WAR

BEST BARNACLE EATIN'

BEST QUAFFABLE ROOT

BEST BARBECUE FOR THE PRICE OF A BEER

BEST BLING-BLING BATHROOM

BEST LIBATIONS AT AN ANGLE

BEST MAC ’'N' CHEESE

BEST CGI MEN VERSUS NONPROFITEER NOSH PIT

BEST SLIDING-SCALE CONTACT HIGH

BEST SECRET MEATLESS CHICKEN

BEST VEGAN ISLAND JITTERS

BEST SUPERPREMIUM EX-MILITARY STILL

BEST SPLASH OF LIMEY

BEST DISCOUNT OENOPHILIA

BEST TRIUMPH OF THE NICE

BEST CAFETERIAL OOHS AND AAHS

BEST BECHEROVKA IN THE BACK

BEST NEW VIETNAMESE ENSCONCEMENT

BEST WAY TO DO IT RAW RIGHT

BEST REVERSE-CURSE FUSION

BEST EYE TACOS

BEST CUTE-BOY DEEP DISH

BEST PANORAMIC ORGANIC HUT

BEST TURNIP CAKE

BEST WAY INTO A JAM

BEST COCINA THAT'S NOT A TAQUERÍA

BEST FANCY-PANTS NONALCOHOLIC TIPPLE

BEST VEGAN FREEDOM OF CHOICE

BEST STUFFED CABBAGE

BEST RENEGADE BAND OF ROVING GOURMANDS

BEST HAUTE COUTURE FROMAGE

BEST SPACE FOR A FRESHLY CREAMED FACE

BEST HUSH-HUSH YUM ON A BUN

BEST MODERATELY PRICED CANTONESE MEGAWATTAGE

BEST GUIDE TO GREENER ETHNIC EATERIES

BEST PLACE TO JOCKEY FOR A LAST LAPTOP TABLE

BEST FULL PLATE FOR UNDER $5

BEST CHEBUREK

BEST OKONOMIYAKI

BEST WAY TO LISTEN TO YOUR FOOD

BEST RIB EYE THAT WON'T ROB YOU

BEST CAR WASH SALSA BAR

BEST WARM GROG

BEST AFTER-HOURS BEER GELATO

BEST MISO

BEST SUSHI CLUB CARD

BEST SWEET TARTS FOR YOUR SWEETHEART