Sour milk - Page 2

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Do not despair.

Here's my big secret program, which I hope to make some bucks selling to desperate couples: Do not feel guilty. Guilt kills sex. Do not hide or contrive to fall asleep before or after your husband, and do not lie or make excuses. All of these set up a familiar but deadly teenagerish dynamic where you own the sex but won't be doling much, if any, out. Meanwhile, your husband is skulking around like a starving mongrel trying get whatever scraps you might drop in an unwary moment. Yuck and ew. You are grown-up partners, and you're on the same side. Do not forget this.

Face your husband, clear-eyed. Remind him that it's hormonal. Remind him that it will end. Encourage him to keep offering, since your proposition circuits are down at the moment. And — really important — if it doesn't sound unappealing, take him up on it sometimes. Just because you didn't crave it doesn't mean you won't enjoy it. Eventually, you'll even want it, as long as you don't have a bunch of stupid fights about it first.

Love,

Andrea

PS A blow job wouldn't hurt.

Andrea Nemerson has spent the last 14 years as a sex educator and an instructor of sex educators. In her previous life she was a prop designer. And she just gave birth to twins, so she's one bad mother of a sex adviser. Visit www.altsexcolumn.com to view her previous columns.

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