Offies!

Our Off-Guard Awards for the dumbest, lamest, most pitiful, and most bizarre moments of a year that's finally, finally over
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tredmond@sfbg.com

It's gotten to the point where you don't have to make fun of the president anymore — the rest of the country has gotten so insane that George W. Bush almost looks normal. Just think about 2007:

One presidential candidate said aborted fetuses could have replaced immigrant workers. One said he wanted to be sure to shoot Osama bin Laden with American-made bullets. One said he'd seen a UFO. One said he wanted to deport 400,000 immigrants but was too busy.

A prominent conservative writer said Jewish people need to be "perfected." A bathroom stall in Minneapolis became a tourist attraction.

And Gavin Newsom screwed his secretary, Ed Jew didn't know where he lived, people ran naked for mayor, Halloween was cancelled ... It was, by any standard, a banner year for the Offies.

YES, I SLEPT WITH MY SECRETARY. YES, SHE WAS MARRIED TO MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER. YES, I AM AN ASSHOLE. THE NEWSPAPERS GOT THAT RIGHT.

Gavin Newsom, faced with news of his sordid affair with Ruby Rippey-Tourk, told reporters that "everything you've read is true."

SISTERHOOD IS POWERFUL

Jennifer Siebel, Newsom's girlfriend who said "the woman is the culprit" in the mayor's notorious affair, posted a message on SFist.com insisting she's a "gal's gal."

GOOD ONE, JEN — WAY TO ACCUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND OF DATE RAPE

Siebel said Newsom's affair with Rippey-Tourk "was nothing but a few incidents when she showed up passed out outside of his door."

THE TRUTH, NEWSOM STYLE

Newsom's press secretary, Peter Ragone, admitted to posting fake pro-Newsom comments on the SFist blog under a friend's name.

AND NOW HE CAN CLAIM HE'S REALLY A CELEBRITY

Newsom announced he would go into rehab.

YOU'D THINK A SECRETIVE MAYOR WHOSE PRESS SECRETARY LIES COULD AT LEAST MAKE THE TRAINS RUN ON TIME

The Muni Metro T line opened for business with delays that crashed the entire underground train system.

JEEZ, CAN'T YOU TV PEOPLE FIND A REPORTER WHO WILL STOP ASKING THE MAYOR SO MANY EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS?

Newsom announced on camera that he wasn't going to talk to ABC's Dan Noyes anymore, saying, "You just send some other reporters. It's going to be a lot easier now."

WAIT — ISN'T THERE SOME STATE LAW ABOUT USING YOUR CELL PHONE WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING?

State senator Carole Migden crashed her state-owned SUV into another car in Marin when she took her eyes off the road to answer a cell phone call.

COME TO THINK OF IT, HE DOES HAVE THAT HOLLYWOOD SMILE GOING ON. AND THOSE EYES ...

Sup. Chris Daly set off a press furor when he said Newsom was refusing to answer questions about his alleged cocaine use.

THAT'S OK — IT'S HARD TO GET THOSE COSTUMES OFF TO PEE ANYWAY

Newsom's press office announced that Halloween was cancelled, and the mayor refused until the last minute to allow portable toilets to be set up in the Castro.

CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS NEED A LITTLE BRIBERY MONEY TOO

Suspended Sup.