"What I want to do in a relationship is something that's a function of the other person's want. I don't just do whatever they want, but if a partner doesn't like Valentine's Day, it doesn't give me a lot of joy to make her celebrate it," he says.
While talking with these people, I was struck by a couple of things. First of all, holidays for the polyamorous must get pretty expensive, if, for instance, Decker's buying three bouquets for V Day is anything like a widespread practice. It seems a good idea for anyone considering polyamory to set aside some savings first, or maybe wait until the ChristmasValentine's Day season is over. And second, as someone who can barely manage her sock drawer, I don't think I could handle the level of organization needed to maintain several relationships. And without the organization, says another anonymous polyamorist, B, jealousy problems (the biggest obstacles in poly relationships) are more likely to arise. I'm not sure I want to add day planner to the list of things I think of candles, flowers, scented oils when I imagine romance.
This Valentine's Day, I think I will use my meager time-management skills to plan a simple holiday evening for me and myself: watching the original Star Trek series on DVD before falling asleep in front of the TV. No PalmPilot required.