The Queer Issue: Romping through a gay pornocopia

Oooh! Lookee up here, on the dirty gay porn rag shelf. Past the Out, featuring a very strange half-naked photospread "dedicated to the memory of Georgia O'Keefe" — think nipply model and cow skulls — and The Advocate, giving you full-on yawnsville with ho-hum marriage and "reality gays" stories. Past Genre's insectoid white boy snaked in the Stars-and-Stripes cover and Instinct's insightful "Exposed! Mario Lopez Rocks Your Bod!" tell-all.

Up here in the anal bleachers, Inches parts hunky Russki Nickolay Petrov's iron curtains, and shoves anti-model Herman's head in our gaping eyeballs. Black Inches leads with "Holla! 8 Black Brothas Boned Up!" and showcases Quentin ("9 inches — Cum Taste the Flava!"), while Latin Inches outsizes 'em with Carlos ("13 x 6 — Extra Thick 'n' Juicy!"). Alas, a quick scan reveals no Asian Inches or Eskimo Inches or even Arab Inches, although they're all the rage. (Inch'allah!) With Playguy you also get a bonus Inches from 1996, so it reeks of meth and dial-up modems.

We're a soft target for hairy Honcho cover hunk Alex Corsi's "heat-seeking missile," although the "Bobbin' for boners" and "Bareback rimming" how-tos seem like mere excuses for pretty pictures. Celebratory 100th issue Unzipped model Antonio Braggi's tagline says everyone wants him for his "11 x 6," but we're pierced by his steely gaze and perfect facial hair formation. Another can't-miss in this issue: "Weapons of Ass Destruction! The Battle of the Celebrity Replicocks!" We're dismayed by the dearth of bear-porn magazines this month, and that Mandate's "9 Hot Hunks Butt Naked!" is full of too-familiar faces. But we're perfectly pleased by Advocate Men's dreamy "stallion in a suit" — and a hair suit at that — Matthew Cameron. Grrrl.

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