Happily you do see that putting yourself through that many uncomfortable and potentially unethical contortions at once can only lead to injury psychic and possibly otherwise. I think.
I do not believe that acting out a power differential with a fully informed and consenting partner is incompatible with an egalitarian or nonviolent worldview, but if you do, that's going to be a bad fit. As for not fitting in with your faith, well, I'm unaware of any organized religions except perhaps what a friend once referred to as "Episcopaganism" that expressly embrace kinky sex, but many insist only that you respect your body and your partner's, an idea that is open to hairsplitting interpretation. You would know best, of course. If what I'm hearing from you is what you meant to present, though, I'd have to say that a moderate amount of (porn-assisted, if you like) fantasy and no real-life contacts will be the healthier choice for you. Finding a girl on the Internet and flogging her? Not gonna help.
Andrea is home with the kids and going stir-crazy. Write her a letter! Ask her a question! Send her your tedious e-mail forwards! On second thought, don't do that. Just ask her a question.