Since these are not safe-sex barriers as such, they can be sexier than your standard latex silk underwear, for instance. You already know the other measures you have to take if it hurts when done too this or too that, don't do it that way, and don't be shy about instructing others to take similar precautions. Also, have you tried a cool compress afterward?
As for the vibrators, there's one that might work this thing that's supposed to simulate oral sex and has a whole bunch of intensity settings (not the fake-tongue thingies, which are kind of creepy, but the high-end British "smart" vibe called a SaSi) but it's crazy expensive and nobody will send me one to review. You could try one of the ones you've already got, with a towel (or many pairs of silk underwear) between you and it and see how that goes, or you could accept, with relief, the fact that you really don't like vibrators anyway. And no, you're not alone.
Got a salacious subject you want Andrea to discuss? Ask her a question!
Also, Andrea is teaching! Contact her if you're interested in (sex)life after baby classes. Her new blog is at www.gogetyourjacket.com, but don't look there for the butt sex. There isn't any.
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