Dress code strictly enforced, no baggy clothes or sports attire.
Sat/3, 10 p.m., $20. Boss, 750 Harrison, SF. www.boss750.com
Yo, I don't get it, y'all. If you're gonna be a lesbo, why you gotta look like a punk rock dude? I like the lesbians with the big racks and long-ass fingernails on the porno who get down in the hot tub with the whipped cream. Warm it up, ladies! Yeah. Just don't try to compete with me and my boys in the satisfaction department, fo' rock 'n reals. Ain't nothing like a real man's loving. You with me, fellas? Knock 'em back. Boom. This man-chick Ronson may use that Lohan hottie as a muff-warmer, but a girl behind the "wheels of steel" trying to spin like a real DJ? What to the what-what? If she shares out some Lindsay, though, I may let her sing a verse on my forthcoming album, Bay Up or Shut Up, Bitchez. Drop date: May 15 on Rock Star Energy Drink Records. Free downloads now on the MySpace.
April 10, 9 p.m., $15. Slide, 430 Mason, SF. www.slidesf.com