Paging Dr. Octagon?
Photo by Diana Chow

Can't talk long, Im txtng u frm a dinner party. To my right is Mr. Tanaka, to my left, the head of Raëlianism. Raël compliments designs of Tanaka Inc.'s bright orange metallic clit rings and cybernetic love dolls. Five of the exposed circuit units, for the spring line, round out our guest list. (Including the K-5, which lactates heated donor sperm out its foam nipples, for lesbians with tit fetishes, ready to start a family.) Oh no it's a trap ...

The love dolls hold my pressure points and flip me on the table, a fork pierces my thigh. Bone marrow squirts on Georgia O'Keefe flower folds. Raël says the Odynophagia energy is the key to mankind's salvation, and was in fact the router of a Moebius syndrome to their extraterrestrial creators. So catch me later, he's about to reclaim the eel and cut open my stomach with plastic Crayola scissors.