Our official metaphor for holiday shopping this season is just going to have to be Tron. Not just because Tron: Legacy opens Dec. 17 or because some of us are forever stuck in totally awesome adolescent '80s video game world. We also must zip across the alien landscape of holiday commercialism, snatching up neon-fantasy presents (and possibly exploding). Go! Go! Go!
Or, you know, use this guide and pick up some killer giftos all in one easy trip. We scoured the city for cool items ringing in at 10 ducats and under. Yes, you can still wear an electric blue bodysuit. (Marke B.)
JESUS FLASHLIGHT, $4.99
With the exception of millions of Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Hindis, and Zoroastrians, Jesus is lighting up the world these days. And what better way for your Xian friends to keep His light flowing than this Jesus flashlight. Pair it with a Jesus pen; we're pretty sure this is the pen Jesus would have used.
718 Irving, Inner Sunset, SF. (415) 661-8504
DYNA GRO PLANT FOOD, $5.95
Since Prop. 19 flopped at the polls, it's back to dealer-only cell phones and GIY smokes. Give your dealer or favorite organic grower this perfect 7-9-5 blend of plant food and help nourish the next crop (you'll be paying for it anyway). Plant'It Earth also has grow lights, soil, and other no-Prop. 19 essentials.
661 Divisadero, Panhandle, SF. (415) 626-5082, wwwplantitearth.com
SQUEAKY TOY SQUIRREL, $3.99
The Animal House Pet Mercantile
As the movie "Up" taught us, if dogs could talk, their conversation would go something like this: "Squirrel!" Give Bowser this plush toy Squirrel!, which will last way longer than a real Squirrel! and not stink up your house. Animal House also has cat toys, but your cat won't give a shit.
157 Fillmore, Lower Haight, SF. (415) 552-0233, www.theanimalhouse.com
"MEDITATING" SIGN, $7
San Francisco Zen Center Bookstore
Tired of hearing your beloved shriek "Shut the #$%@* up, I'm meditating!" when you inadvertently stumble onto your deck at 6:30 a.m.? End it with this calligraphy sign, which can be hung from a doorknob or from the back of your beloved's neck. Back it up with a book on Zen.
300 Page, Hayes Valley, SF. (415) 863-3136, www.sfzc.org
HOT DOG TOTE, $4.99
Arch Art Supplies
The sandwich rectangle, the pizza triangle, the hamburger round — all are inadequate for toting le hot dog. End the long-standing and justifiable frustration of your frankfurtin' friends with this washable, reusable, hot dog-specific tote. Pick up the chips bag to go with it, or maybe some drafting or graphics supplies.
99 Missouri, Potrero Hill, SF. (415) 433-2724, www.archsupplies.com
BRANCH 3-WAY SPLITTER, $10
'Tis the season for sharing — but only if you want to and only if you have the technology. To make others share with you, give your BFF (or No. 1 frenemy) this 3-way music splitter and put an end to the nasty talk about how 3-ways don't work. Zinc Details has plenty of other nifty stuff that can be done as a two-way or one-way.
1905 Fillmore, Pacific Heights, SF. (415) 776-2100, www.zincdetails.com
FROMAGE BLANC, $4.50