Facebook or die? - Page 4

After I quit the social networking site, I woke up with a pep in my step, as if I'd just retired after 70 years of service at a meat-packing plant, with a huge marijuana, cat, and vibrator pension in the Bahamas


World tragedy took on a lackluster appeal. I found I did not give a rat's ass about female genital mutilation or baby seal slaughter if I could not share my wise impressions with 500 other users. Which made me think I'd been a faker all along. And what about all those perfect status updates that no longer have a home? Where do they go to die? In this silky hand-sewn notebook? Oh, please. I can't be bothered with that.

But in truth, the most annoying thing about leaving Facebook hasn't been the absence of hilarious "What Famous Lazy Slag Am I" quiz results or even the social alienation. It's the realization that everyone I know, or sort of know, is a sheep. Facebook is for them, as is it for one in every 12 human beings, the umbilical cord of all communication, and to sever it is to die. No one has the balls to take the risk. Yes, it's cold out here all alone. But don't mind me — I still have four more days of pre-deletion limbo. I can still come back, and I know everything will be exactly as I left it, smartly formatted in blue.


Posted by Guest on Nov. 24, 2010 @ 9:15 am

I love this article, brilliant, insightful. But if I tell you so in a brief comment instead of getting on with my work, I am participating in the same condemned activity! Therefore, I must stop now and start working on my Mona Lisa.

Posted by Guest on Nov. 24, 2010 @ 12:19 pm

You should have been more selective about who you "friended" on facebook. If you were involved in "motionally ruinous fights about burritos'" you allowed the petty types into your circle. Even if your fb friends were real life friends, to fight over such minor things in life like deviled eggs, clearly you must take some of the blame.

A fight is like a tango, it takes two. If you don't want to fight, don't. If you are insulted by someone's comment or wall post, delete it and forget it. Remember it is cyberspace where communication is done with a handicap.

When you are face to face you can read a person's body language, hear inflection in their voice, and interpret their tone. New media, email, text messaging, facebook, use strictly words to communicate.

Let's face it, most of the world has no writing skills. Most people can't spell or can't use spell check, you can't expect them make comments about your status so you know they are kidding around. LOL works sometimes, but not always. Most times you get in a fight with someone it's because you or they misunderstood the message. They failed to read between the lines.

As the more savvy one, you must keep your head, never forget that you are better than that. Rise above it. Take a breath and let it go. If you're offended by their bad spelling, correct them.

I always give the correct spelling in a comment to them. Most times I am thanked and they always spell that word the right way from then on. Why leave them ignorant? Show them the light.

If someone wants to fight, send them a private message. Doing it in public for all to see is bad form. YOU look bad. Like an accident on the freeway, everyone slows down to look. That's good if you are a drama queen. It simply looks ugly to the rest of us.

If you must tussle, take it outside, do it in private. That way no one knows about it. You resolve the issue. You remain friends and you both keep face. The rest of us can enjoy facebook without be subjected to silly arguments over nothing, like burritos and deviled eggs.

Posted by Guest on Nov. 24, 2010 @ 6:29 pm

Yes, yes yes!!! Now off to post this article on facebook, to the 93 people I actually know, in person. Tiresome in my practicality, yes, but there is only so much time in one day.

One word of advice on how to manage social networks, so they don't consume you.


"Remove" is a good one too.

Posted by Guest on Nov. 27, 2010 @ 12:13 pm

Roberta we miss you!!! Come back!!!
Why don't you just use a pseudonym or something?

Posted by Guest on Nov. 24, 2010 @ 7:09 pm

There's a life after Facebook. Don't go back

Posted by Guest on Nov. 24, 2010 @ 7:19 pm

All those vicious jibes weren't exactly time wasted if it's got you back to writing your column again...do not miss you on Facecrack a bit...when's the book coming then ?

Posted by Guest on Nov. 28, 2010 @ 3:58 am

oh Seawhore u old sea dog. we will always have "the flotilla". its not exactly Paris but............ cant believe u went back to old media, i read about it online. probably wont see u in the real world because u wont get the FB invite. LK

Posted by Guest on Dec. 02, 2010 @ 9:34 am

I'd friend her if she was still on FB

Posted by Guest on Jan. 28, 2011 @ 8:20 pm

Dearest Many, Many Millions of Fans:

The pressure has been too great. And weakness is my thing -- unless I'm playing gin rummy. I cannot lie -- I have rejoined Facebook, but only for the humble purpose of communicating with my dear ailing aunt, who lives in a tiny village in a remote RV park in Croatia and needs me to keep her abreast of everything important, like the camel toe I got today while trying on pants and the rate of canned beets at Best Buy.

Don't hate me. Just love me. Like Jesus, I am occasionally weak. (Wait -- he DID fuck that whore, right?) Uhm.


PS -- I also quit smoking pot and drinking. Everything is now a lie.

Posted by Guest on Apr. 09, 2011 @ 3:24 pm

It's true, social networking websites have become an integral part of many people's lives...
Very ironic and funny article, you did a good job!

Posted by Freeware PDF Editor on Oct. 13, 2011 @ 6:29 am

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