Butch blooms

Masculine bouquets for V-Day that won't fuck with their machismo

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Now that's a ballsy bouquet! Church Street Flowers' orchids with structural blooms
PHOTO BEN HOPFER

culture@sfbg.com

V-DAY So you want to buy a nice little floral arrangement for that hot JD Samson look-alike who works behind the butcher counter — or perhaps you're having a hard time picking out a rose for the tall, dark flannel-clad bear you met on  Fuzzy4Fuzzy.com. Does ze even like flowers? Hell, it can even be rough finding the right bloom for your beloved bio male. Anyone who has ever been romantically involved with a masculine-presenting honey bun knows that carnations, lingerie, and other frilly V-Day accoutrement just ain't cuttin' it. So what kind of bouquet can you give a butch? Something spiky? Flowers made from aged leather? Pieces of wood? We asked the city's florists for their best bets for the rough and tumble.

 

CHURCH STREET FLOWERS

Stephanie Foster is one of three owners at Church Street Flowers, a shop that does made-to-order arrangements featuring locally grown botanicals. "We do bouquets for masculine people all the time," she tells us. "Guys love getting flowers too." Foster recommends "brighter colors, like orange, yellow, green, or white." And less is more when you want to impress a tough type. "As opposed to something very feminine and garden-y, we'd do something simpler. Plus, in our shop you'll probably find things other places don't carry, like seed pods that hold a structural quality instead of a flowery quality."

212 Church, SF. (415) 553-7762, www.churchstflowers.com

 

PAXTON GATE

We were sure that this Mission gem — SF's O.G. go-to for fanciful taxidermy, flora, and low maintenance landscape design — would have the goods for area hombres, and it didn't disappoint. Come V-Day, Paxton Gate will be selling special holiday arrangements fit for a butch, each complete with a shiny preserved beetle garnish. "We wanted the arrangements to be long-lasting, so we'll incorporate some rugged South African plants like proteas, maybe succulents, and some dried components," says floral designer Sean Quigley. The store will be bundling its buggy blooms in advance for lovers on the go. At $38 a bunch, they'll be a little pricey — but think of what you'll save on your butcher bill.

824 Valencia, SF. (415) 824-1872, www.paxtongate.com

 

THE FRENCH TULIP

"I'm from Eastern Europe," says owner Andre Abramov in a phone interview. When asked what flowers he would recommend for a dude, Abramov immediately recommended orchids. "In Greek, 'orchid' translates to 'testicle.' That would be perfect for a man." If you're not sold on highlighting your valentine's testicles (or lack thereof), Abramov also stands by roses, cala lilies, and anthurium lilies for the butch in your life. "They're strong, colorful, and they make a very big statement." Just like your lumberjack love.

3903 24th St., SF. (415) 647-8661, www.frenchtulip.com

 

THE FLOWER GIRL

Mieko Takahashi Obermuller has owned and operated this Inner Sunset neighborhood floral shop since 1978. She understands the butch bloom conundrum: "First of all, tropical flowers are very bold," she says. "Birds of paradise would look nice with some interesting greens, and I love proteas." Obermuller, who specializes in Eastern floral design, says arrangement is crucial. "You have to know how to put it together. One, two, or three orchids with some greens — it's simple but it makes a statement. I can take feminine flowers like tiger lilies, blue irises, or curly willows but still design the arrangement for a masculine look." It's not quite studded leather, but it sounds like something that'd look great on that meat counter.

1127 Irving, SF. (415) 731-0230, www.flowergirlsf.com

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