SEX ISSUE: The mastermind behind Kink.com's "Wired Pussy" and "Public Disgrace" sites finds power in perversion
"I think the exact opposite of the people that think that BDSM would promote violence against women," she says. That tired question — "is porn degrading to women?" — is something that Dolore finds degrading. Why, she asks, don't the anti-porn musketeers ask the same of men in the industry?
"What is going on in our society that we continue to see sex as something that is put on women that they don't desire? Why can't we fathom it being a dream job for a woman?"
Kink is doing its part to raise awareness about the sexual pleasure that can be experienced by submissive actors. Before and after each shoot, the man or woman who you've watched screaming, a cattle prod or vibrator pressed against their genitals, is interviewed. That familiar dazed after-sex look is all over their faces, and their endorphin-heavy perk is really all you need to know what Dolore says is true: the models at Kink really, really love their job.
Delore contests the notion that only people who have been sexual abused take pleasure in pain, although she says you'll find abuse victims in porn studios, just like any other workplace.
"Unfortunately, you could look to any profession and say a lot of them were abused as kids. You could look at secretaries and say that. Personally, I wasn't sexually abused." She smiles. "I'm just a natural pervert."
Delore's a regular on the queer party circuit — this week, you can catch her stealing drinks at Sunday's "Deviants" Folsom Street Fair closing party. Her exuberance in exploring the outer realms of sexuality haven't gone unnoticed in the San Francisco sex community. Kelly Lovemonster, editor of the queer quarterly sexuality zine [SSEX BBOX] is a close friend of Dolore, and calls her a "super heroine."
"Even when she is portraying a submissive bottom, being cattle prodded, nipples clamped down and attached to electric cords, you can tell she is absolutely in control," says Lovemonster. "She shows us that our dirtiest, scariest, and wildest sexual fantasies can come true through healthy communication and BDSM play. She rescues us all from a world where sexuality is suppressed and made shameful."
This, according to Dolore, is a big part of why what Kink produces is important. The website puts BDSM urges out there, lets people that get turned on by being slapped across the face know that they're not the only ones.
For the dis-empowered and isolated BDSM fan, that can be heady stuff. "You can explore your rape fantasy in a way that the woman is in control of what's happening to their body — it's a way to relive a situation where you had no control and relive it in a way in which you do have control," says Dolore.
In a direct repudiation of the claims that abuse victims fall into BDSM for unsavory reasons. Dolore says she's seen rough sex and power play rehabilitate partners whose sexuality seems terminally fucked. "I'm not a therapist but I feel like I am sometimes."
But when I ask her if she considers herself an activist, she says no.
"When I think of the word activist, I think of people who are more outspoken than I am. I do my thing on my website, and people can come watch it if they want to."
Which is not to say that the forward girl at Hard French doesn't think she's affecting change. Says the princess: "I'm just happy that I can help people be honest about what they want in bed."
DEVIANTS: OFFICIAL FOLSOM STREET FAIR CLOSING PARTY
Sun/25 4 p.m.-3 a.m., $20-30
161 Erie, SF
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