Presenting the 2012 Off-Guard awards for the worst of a dismal yaer
GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, ATHEISM AND OVERSTIMULATED GLANDS DO. HAPPY FRIDAY, SHOOTERS!
On the same day that a gunman opened fire at a showing of the Dark Knight movie in Colorado, the National Rifle Association's magazine sent out a tweet that read: "Good morning, shooters! Happy Friday."
A Congressman from Texas, Louie Gohmert, argued that the Dark Knight shootings happened because of "ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs."
Mike Huckabee blamed the massacre in Newtown, CT on atheism. "We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools," Huckabee said on Fox News. "Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?"
Timothy Bordnow at Tea Party nation said the shooting was caused by too much sexual stimulation in the media . "There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands."
Megan McArdle, the Daily Beast writer, urged the victims of mass shootings to gang-rush the shooter so he wouldn't kill as many people.
The head of the National Rifle Association said the only way to stop mass murders of school children is to post armed guards in every school.
WOW — THE DISTRICT 8 SUPERVISOR HAS BEEN OVERWHELMED BY A COUPLE OF OLD MEN'S FLACCID DICKS
Sup. Scott Wiener promoted a ban on public nudity in San Francisco.
WHEN YOU'RE A MAJOR LOSER, EVEN MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU LOVE
Michael Breyer, who has never been elected to anything, spent roughly $1 million trying to win a state Assembly seat as the candidate of "traditional San Francisco values," and lost badly.
AND THESE PEOPLE ARE COOPERATING WITH HOMELAND SECURITY?
Confetti thrown in the Giants parade turned out to be lightly shredded internal police documents that included home addresses and social security numbers of officers.
GUESS IT'S OKAY TO PERJURE YOURSELF IF YOU'RE THE MAYOR
Mayor Ed Lee testified under oath that he'd never discussed the Ross Mirkarimi case with members of the board of Supervisors, although friends of Sup. Christina Olague said she'd been open about her talks with the mayor on the topic.
NOW, WHICH ONES ARE THE IRON MONSTERS OF DEATH?
A San Francisco bicyclist who was allegedly trying to beat a speed record crashed into and killed a 71-year-old man in the Castro.
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE'S NO MALPRACTICE STATUTE GOVERNING THAT AUGUST PROFESSION
Political consultant Enrique Pearce oversaw perhaps the worst district election campaign in history, helping Olague become the first incumbent ever to lose in ranked-choice voting in SF.
SOMEHOW, REPRESENTING WALNUT CREEK AT CITY HALL DIDN'T SEEM LIKE SUCH A GOOD IDEA
Union official Leon Chow dropped his challenge to Sup. John Avalos when the SF Appeal revealed that he didn't live in District 11, or even in San Francisco.
WHEN MEN ARE JUST TOTAL DICKS: THE GOP REDEFINES RAPE