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Would a stripper license ruin my look? Plus, your week in sex events

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Queen of beers: "Nudes" opens Sat/9
TAPESTRY BY ERIN RILEY

caitlin@sfbg.com

SEX Let's take a trip to Texas for some national news before this week's sex events.

Clearly, strippers are the reason we have human trafficking. This, at least, appears to be a thought in the noggin of Texas assemblyperson Bill Zedler, who has proposed HB 337, a bill that would require exotic dancers to wear a license certifying that they have taken a course in sex slavery.

The bill is a not-so-subtle attempt to crack down on the number of people who become exotic dancers -- the hope is that no one will want official records of their time as a sex worker. "They won't want to get a license as a stripper from the state of Texas," Zedler told the Star-Telegram, a newspaper that covers the Dallas-Fort Worth-Arlington region. "This will force everyone to clean up their act. Overall, it will be a benefit to everyone concerned."

As a government regulation that is slut-shaming while managing to obfuscate the real culprits behind human slavery, HB 337 is a real paradigm of conservative multitasking.

Even better, part of the proposed legislation dictates that the license (which will have its wearer's legal name on it, all the better to imperil dancers' well being) be worn while its bearer is working.

In case you're confused about how that would work, Zedler was happy to provide style tips. "They could wear it around the neck ... or on their shoes ... or attached to a head band," he commented to the Star-Telegram. Sexy!

"NUDES"

Guerrero Gallery's celebrating its third birthday with a bunch of naked hotties -- "Nudes" is a group exhibition of 18 artists' depictions of the human form. Our sneak peek favorite has to be Erin Riley's sensual handwoven tapestries which show scenes of lovers embracing, and one woman really indulging her attraction to Budweiser beer.

Through April 6. Opening reception: Sat/9, 7-11pm, free. Guerrero Gallery, 2700 19th St., SF. www.guerrerogallery.com

FAN DANCING WITH BALLA FIRE

Worry not if your closet doesn't hide a pair of Dita Von Teese-style, body-sized feather fans — Sin Sisters Burlesque's Balla Fire says most any flat surfaces will do for this fluttery seminar. And while trash can lids or three-ring binders may not inspire the most sultry of moods, worry not: Ms. Fire, a veteran of the burlesque scene since 2005, has curvy aplomb to spare and enviable teaching skills.

Sun/10, 7-9pm, $30. Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission, SF. www.sexandculture.org

"TITTI TRIFECTA"

That which stokes one's creative fire is unique to each of us. The shape that reanimates Lee Miltier and Maria Yates' embers is that of a dildo — a handcrafted, artfully whorled dildo at that. The duo's Fucking Sculptures are on display all month at this all-female art show in Oakland and as part of the exhibition, Yates will teach a workshop today on how to craft one's own sex toy.

Through March 29. DIY sex toy workshop: Sun/10, 3-5pm, $5-10 donation suggested. Moco Gallery, 371 17th St., Oakl. facebook.com/mocosoart

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