stage

Stage listings are compiled by Cheryl Eddy. Performance times may change; call venues to confirm. Reviewers are Robert Avila, Rita Felciano, and Brad Rosenstein. Dance commentator is Sima Belmar. See 8 Days a Week for information on how to submit items to the listings.

theater

Opening

The A**hole Monologues Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 474-8935. $15-50. Opens Thurs/10, 8pm. Runs Thurs, 8pm. Through Jan 31. The Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America benefits from this show "conceived in the spirit of The Vagina Monologues;" the rotating cast includes David Schutte from Alice 97.3, Melissa Howard from The Real World: New Orleans, and numerous other local and national comedians and performers.

The Beard of Avon Geary Theater, 415 Geary; 749-2228. $11-61. Previews Thurs/10-Sat/12 and Tues/15, 8pm (also Sat/12, 2pm). Opens Wed/16, 8pm. Runs Tues-Sat, 8pm (Tues/22, Sun/20, show at 7pm; also Wed, Sat-Sun, 2pm, except no matinees Sun/13, Wed/16, or Sun/20). Through Feb 10. American Conservatory Theater presents Amy Freed's new comedy about Shakespeare's rise from "hick actor" to renowned playwright.

A Dream of Flowers A Traveling Jewish Theater, 470 Florida; 399-1809 or www.atjt.com. $12.50-25 (Thurs, pay what you can). Previews Thurs/10-Sun/13, 8pm; 8pm. Opens Mon/14, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2 and 7pm. Through Feb 10. A Traveling Jewish Theater presents the Ladino Project in a musical play that explores the culture of Jews with Spanish origins.

The Lights ODC Theater, 3153 17th St; 863-9834. $16-20. Opens Thurs/10, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Jan 26. ODC Theater and Intersection for the Arts present Howard Korder's Obie-winning play that follows 24 hours in the lives of three city dwellers. This production features original jazz music performed live by the Marcus Shelby Jazz Orchestra.

The Mystery of Irma Vep, a Penny Dreadful New Conservatory Theater Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972. $18-35. Previews Wed/9-Sat/12 and Wed/16-Fri/18, 8pm; Sun/13, 2pm. Opens Sat/19, 8pm. Runs Wed-Sat, 8pm; Jan 27, Feb 3, 10, 17, 2pm. Through Feb 23. See 8 Days a Week, page 56.

'Risk Is This...The Cutting Ball New Plays Festival: Staged Readings by Three Playwrights Who Are Changing What Theater Can Be' Theater Rhinoceros, 2926 16th St; 861-5079. $12. Opens Thurs/10, 8:30pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8:30pm. (additional shows Sun, 2pm, Julia Morgan Center for the Arts, 2640 College, Berk). Through Jan 27. The plays in this festival include Chain Reactions (Thurs/10-Sun/13), by Trevor Allen; The Bad Math Plays (Thurs/17-Sun/20), by Kevin Oakes; and Begging the Eclipse (Jan 24-27), by Caridad Svich. See 8 Days a Week, page 56.

Romeo and Juliet Jon Sims Center for the Performing Arts, 1519 Mission; 377-0457. $8-12. Opens Fri/11, 8pm. Runs Sat-Sun, 8pm. Through Jan 27. What's in a Name Productions presents an updated version of the Shakespeare classic.

Say Ray The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 826-5750. $15. Opens Thurs/10, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm. Through Sat/19. Ron Jones wrote and costars in this play about a mentally disabled man who suddenly becomes wealthy and heads to Mexico with his legal guardian in tow.

Urban Zulu Mambo Lorriane Hansberry Theatre, 620 Sutter; 474-8800. $22-30. Previews Wed/9, 8pm. Opens Thurs/10, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. Through Jan 27. See Critic's Choice.

Bay Area

'Better than Broadway' Larkspur Cafe Theatre, 500 Magnolia, Larkspur; (415) 924-6107. $20 (with dinner at 7pm, $32). Opens Fri/11, 8pm. Runs Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through Jan 26. Hoochi-Doo Productions presents a revue of shows produced by the company in the past year, plus a look at the season ahead.

Every Inch a King La Val's Subterranean Theater, 1834 Euclid, Berk; (510) 558-1381. $8-18 (Thurs, pay what you can). Previews Thurs/10, 8pm (free). Opens Fri/11, 8pm. Runs Thurs-Sat, 8pm (also Jan 26, Feb 2, 5pm); Sun, 5pm. Through Feb 9. Central Works performs Gary Graves's comedy about three daughters who must cope with their aging, wealthy father.

The Trestle at Pope Lick Creek Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison, Berk; (510) 843-4822, www.auroratheatre.org. $26-35. Previews Wed/9, 8pm. Opens Thurs/10, 8pm. Runs Wed-Sat, 8pm (also Sun, 2 and 7pm). Through Feb 10. Aurora Theatre's first selection of the season, a drama by up-and-coming playwright Naomi Wallace, tells the story of two Depression-era teens who escape their hardships by plotting to outrun the express train that passes through their town each day.

Ongoing

Copenhagen Curran Theatre, 445 Geary; 512-7770. $34-68. Tues-Sat, 8pm (also Wed, Sat-Sun, 2pm). Through Feb 3. Michael Frayn's Tony-winning play explores the top-secret 1941 rendezvous between friends and physicists Werner Heisenberg and Niels Bohr, both of whom worked toward developing the atomic bomb but, as a German and a Dane, found themselves on opposing sides after the outbreak of World War II.

The Crumple Zone New Conservatory Theatre Center, 25 Van Ness; 861-8972. $18-35. Wed/9-Sat/12, 8pm. The New Conservatory Theatre Center continues its seventh Pride Season with Stephen Rupsch's Christmas comedy about three gay roommates.

Euphor!um Bldg 920, Mason St, the Presidio (enter from Marina Blvd through the Crissy Field gate); 332-9454. New schedule: Thurs, 6-10pm; Fri-Sat, 7-11:30pm; Sun, 3-7pm. Through Jan 27. $15. Antenna presents its interactive journey through Samuel Taylor Coleridge's opium-inspired poem "Kubla Khan."

*The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe Theatre on the Square, 450 Post; 433-9500. $35-50. Wed-Thurs, Tues/22, Jan 29, 8pm; Fri-Sat, 8:30pm; Sat-Sun, 3pm (also Sun, 7:30pm). Extended through Feb 3. Sixteen years after her play's first appearance, Jane Wagner's script still ranks among the most brilliant theater writing of recent decades. Its 13-character universe still crackles with the breadth of its thought, humor, and compassion. Lily Tomlin remains a spot-on powerhouse, etching seamless worlds with the vocal and gestural versatility of a master. (Rosenstein)

Bay Area

There Will Be No Trojan War Eighth St. Studio Theatre, 2525 Eighth St, Berk; (510) 704-8210, www.shotgunplayers.org. $8-20. Thurs/10-Sat/12, 8pm. Written in 1935, There Will Be No Trojan War was Jean Giradoux's warning about the catastrophe he could already see brewing in Europe, an impassioned and well-reasoned plea for sanity. Set on the eve of the Trojan War, Hector (Malcolm Brownson), Troy's star general, returns home from another triumphant campaign and vows to close Troy's gates of war forever. But Hector's brother Paris (John Patrick Moore) has made off with Helen (Roxana Ortega), and soon both Greeks and Trojans are eagerly angling for war. The bulk of the play details Hector's cunning attempts to resolve the situation peacefully, winning all his battles but inevitably losing the war. Director Patrick Dooley updates the play with modern dress, contemporary sound bites, and an exhortatory program note. The best news, however, is that the play is quite worthy of revival. Dooley gracefully choreographs his cast of 18(!) around the Eighth Street Studio space, and the majority of the actors handle the play's high-flown style with ease. The play's warnings are not just timely but also timeless, and its grim conclusion may prove itself all too repeatable. (Rosenstein)

dance

'CaveWoman 2002' Dance Mission Theater, 3316 24th St; 273-4633. Previews Fri/11-Sat/12, 8pm; Sun/13, 6pm. Opens Fri/18, 8pm. Runs Fri-Sat, 8pm (also Jan 31, 8pm); Sun, 6pm. Through Feb 2. $15-20. Dance Brigade presents artistic director Krissy Keefer's latest work, the final segment in her trilogy that has included Ballet of the Banshees (1996) and The Queen of Sheba (1999). CaveWoman 2002 is inspired by 10th century Indian and Tibetan yogini women who were thought to have magical powers, such as the ability to walk on water and to transform into animals.

'Fusión Flamenca' Cowell Theater, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 345-7575. Fri-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm. $25-27 (Sat, gala and performance, $50). See 8 Days a Week, page 56.

'Momentum' cell space, 2050 Bryant; 430-2179, ext 1295. Sat, 8pm. $10-15. Uniting Souls and Motion present a dance performance and competition that features a variety of contemporary styles, including freestyle, hip-hop, capoeira, house, and more.

Bay Area

Sha Sha Higby Sanchez Concert Hall, 1220 Linda Mar, Pacifica; (510) 355-1882. Sat, 7:30pm. $8-15. Higby performs original dance works that feature sculptural costumes made from wood, silk, paper, and gold leaf.

performance

'Elixir' Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th St; 863-7576. Sun/13 and Jan 27, 7:30-9pm. $10. The Victoria Theatre and the 2ndlevel.com host an evening of comedy, music, dance, spoken word, and art with Copus, Dee Dee Russell, the Cosmic Giggle, and more, with host Danielle Ozymandias.

'Fauxgirls!' Marlena's, 488 Hayes; 864-6672. Sat, 10pm. Free. Anjelica Devarox and Victoria Secret host a drag cabaret.

'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!' Aunt Charlie's Lounge, 133 Turk; 441-2922. Sat, 10pm and midnight. Free. Kristy Cruise hosts a drag cabaret.

'The Monday Night Marsh' The Marsh, 1062 Valencia; 826-5750. Mon, 8pm. $7. This week's performers include Carmaig DeForest, Mike Duvall, Malcolm Grissom, and Fred Wickham.

'One Man Band Night' The Odeon Bar, 3223 Mission; 648-8627. Thurs, 9pm. Call for price. This week's feature is bar owner Chicken John, who performs as "One Man Band Elvis," teams up with Dr. Hal for "Sing Along with Chicken and Hal," and presents a selection of his own songs.

'Pigmeat Markham, Thanks for Everything ... Spike Lee' Spanganga, 3376 19th St; 821-1102. Fri-Sat, 8pm. Through Feb 9. $12. Sketch comedy and improv theater group Out Be Negroes perform their latest show.

'Say No More' New Langton Arts, 1246 Folsom; 626-5416. Thurs, 8:30pm; Fri, 8pm. $6-8. Performance artist Nao Bustamante presents the premiere of her new show, an exploration of stereotypes and sexuality.

'San Francisco Sketch Comedy Festival' Shelton Theater, 533 Sutter; www.sfsketchfest.com. Thurs-Sun, 8pm (also Fri-Sat, 10:30pm). Through Jan 27. $12. This festival highlights local sketch comedy troupes. Thurs: Kasper Hauser and the Meehan Brothers; Fri-Sat: the Fresh Robots and Totally False People; Sun: the Meehan Brothers and Please Leave the Bronx.

'The Wet Dream Lesburlesque Reviews' 26 Mix, 3024 Mission; 248-1319. Sun, 7pm-1am. $10. Hifemme Productions hosts "S.F.'s first gentlemen's club for women only," featuring table dances and a raffle; partial proceeds benefit the Scholarship/Emergency Fund for Dancers.

'Ylem Forum: Trans Humanism, Technology, and the Spirit of Play' McBean Theater, Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon; (650) 856-9593 or www.ylem.org. Tues, 7:30pm. Free. Performers and contributors include robots created by Carl Pisaturo, artist Will Lind of Bureau of Low Technology, and short films by David Cox about technology and creativity.

Bay Area

'Consequence: Beyond Resisting Rape' Mama Bears Women's Bookstore, 6536 Telegraph, Oakl; (510) 595-4642. Sat, 7:30pm. $8-10. ZzoomZzoom Productions and Pearl in a Million Press host a "performative extravaganza" featuring a reading by author Loolwa Khazzoom; self-defense demonstrations; music by Funky Bookworm; a screening of Maggie Hadleigh-West's film about street harassment, "War Zone"; and spoken word by Daphne Gottlieb, Goddess of the Universe, and others.

'Dark Moon, Bright Shadow: A Body Tales Performance' Hillside Community Church, 1422 Navellier, El Cerrito; (510) 532-1020. Sat, 7pm. $10-20 (no one turned away for lack of funds). Performer Olivia Corson heads up an evening of improvised movement theater; others on the bill include Lysa Castro, Missy Krasner, Pam Sims, Ann McGinnis, Susan McKearnan, and more.

'The David Mamet Festival' Actors Theater, Luther Burbank Center, 50 Mark West Springs, Santa Rosa; (707) 523-4185. Speed the Plow: Thurs-Sat, 8pm; Sun, 2pm (no show Sun/6). Through Feb 2. $10-12. Readings: American Buffalo, Sun/13-Mon/14, 7pm; House of Games, Sun/20-Mon/22, 7pm; Oleanna, Jan 27-28, 7pm. $5. The master of snappy dialogue is celebrated with a monthlong series of performances and readings.

'15th Annual Día de los Reyes Celebration' (415) 431-4234, $15-20. St. Joseph the Worker, 1640 Addison, Berk. Sat/12, 8pm. (Also Mission Dolores Basilica, 3321 16th St, S.F. Sun/13, 4pm.) Coro Hispano de San Francisco teams with Conjunto Nuevo Mundo and Afro-Peruvian dance troupe Jaranon y Bochinche for this celebration in honor of the arrival of the Magi.

'On the East Side' La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck, Berk; (510) 849-2568. Sun, 5-6:30pm. $10-12. On a Butch Tip Productions presents this spoken word, music, and rap event, which highlights artists from the African American queer community and features Angela Hannah, B.C. Cliver, Johnnie Pratt, Marcus Van, RJ, and Deep Dickollective.

'Our Wings are Pregnant Seesaws' The Humanist Fellowship Hall, 390 27th St, Oakl; (510) 528-8713. Wed, 7pm. Free. H.D. Moe's play is read by the Theatre Workshop.

'Show Up!' Spreckles Center for the Performing Arts, Rohnert Park Expwy and Snyder Ln, Rohnert Park; (707) 588-3400. Fri-Sat, 8pm (also Sat-Sun, 2:30pm). $12-22. The New Pickle Circus and Felonious:onelovehiphop join forces for a high-energy comedic and acrobatic show set to hip-hop music.

'Transformed: From Body Cast to Belly Dancing' Freight and Salvage, 1111 Addison, Berk; (510) 548-7603. Sat, 8pm. $15.50-16.50. Flautist and belly dancer Viviana Guzmán performs with special guests Ultra Gypsy.

comedy

Art's Coffee Shop 138 Church; 931-2272. Fri, 8pm: "Castro Comedy," with host "Crippled Comic" Bob Douglas, $10 (no one turned away for lack of funds).

Bayfront Theater Building B, Third Fl, Fort Mason Center, Marina at Laguna; 474-8935. Fri, 8pm: "Improvised Shakespeare," $12. Sat, 8pm: "Theatresports All-Stars," $12; 10:30pm: Austin, Texas-based improv group Well-Hung Jury performs their show "Cirque de Jury," $9.

Brainwash Cafe 1122 Folsom; 861-3663. Thurs, 8pm: comedy night, free.

The Marsh 1062 Valencia; 826-5750. Sat, 9pm: Stand-up comedy open mic hosted by Tom Smith, $7; 10pm: "The Mock All-Star Comedian Showcase," $7.

One World Cafe 1799 McAllister; 776-9358. Fri, 7:30pm: open mic with host Corrine Petteys, free.

Rasselas 1534 Fillmore; 921-2051. Sat, 7pm: "San Francisco Comedy Beat," with comedy, improv, and music, $7.

Spanganga 3376 19th St; 474-8935. Sat, 10pm: "Ha Bloody Ha!," comedians, sketches, videos, and art, hosted by Harmon Leon, $5.

'They Call Me Shitshoes' Spanganga, 3376 19th St; 821-1102. Fri, 10pm. Through Jan 25. $10. Prankster and comedian Harmon Leon performs in a solo show inspired by his real-life experiences as a ventriloquist, birthday-party clown, and more.

Sea Biscuit 3815 Noriega; 661-3784. Wed, 8pm: open mic comedy with hosts Tony Sparks and Tom Smith, free.

spoken word

Open mics take place almost every night in cafés throughout the Bay Area. If you want to perform, show up about half an hour before start time to put your name on the list. A day-by-day guide to word events and featured readers:

Wednesday: Brainwash Cafe 1126 Folsom; 864-3842. "Spoken Word Salon," with host Diamond Dave Whitaker, 8pm, free. La Peña Cultural Center 3105 Shattuck, Berk; (510) 849-2572. "Café Poetry" and open mic with host Kira Allen, 7:30pm, $2. Cody's 2454 Telegraph, Berk; (510) 845-7852. "Poetry Flash" with Karen Kevorkian and Gail Wronsky, 7:30pm, $2.

Thursday: Café 1428 1428 Alice, Oakl; (510) 239-2239, ext 2899. "Poet Skool! The AfroNeoPolyTan Poetry Series," with host Paradise Freejahlove, 7-10pm, free. Jon Sims Center for the Arts 1519 Mission; 554-0402. Daphne Gottlieb and Thea Hillman read, 8pm, $5-10 (no one turned away for lack of funds). Osher Marin Jewish Community Center 200 North San Pedro, San Rafael; (415) 444-8000. Beat poet Ruth Weiss reads, 7:30pm, $8-10. Java on Ocean 1700 Ocean; 1-800-SONGS. Open mic, 6-8pm, free for audience members; $4 for participants.

Saturday: Cafe du Nord 2170 Market; 861-5016. "Writers with Drinks," spoken word benefit for Anything That Moves magazine, 6-8pm, $3-5. See 8 Days a Week, page 56. Coffee with a Beat 458 Perkins, Oakl; (510) 526-5985. "Word Beat Reading Series," with featured readers Tom Quantamatteo, Larry Beresford, and Rose Mark, plus open mic, 7-9pm, free. Starbucks Bayhill Shopping Center, 851 Cherry, San Bruno; (650) 615-9471. "Spoken Word Slamma Jamma," 7:30-10pm, free.

Sunday: Cody's 2454 Telegraph, Berk; (510) 845-7852. "Poetry Flash," with Phyllis Koestenbaum and Carol Snow, 7:30pm, $2.

Monday: Notes from Underground Café 2399 Van Ness; 928-8904. "Celebration of the Word," with featured readers J.R. Brady and Jon Greene and host Jeanne Powell, 7pm, free. Rasselas 1534 Fillmore; 346-8696. Open mic featuring the Dee Spencer Trio, 8pm, free. Café de la Paz 1600 Shattuck, Berk; (510) 843-0662. "Poetry Nitro," performance showcase featuring Selene Steese and host Louis Cuneo, plus open mic, 8pm, free.