AFTER THREE COLLEGE con artists are caught cheating by campus misfit "Cool Ethan" (Rushmore's Jason Schwartzman ... Max Fischer, why hast thou forsaken us?), the trio is blackmailed into getting Ethan the girl of his dreams (model-actor-professional waif James King). Complications arise when the scam's head perpetrator (Devon Sawa) falls in love with the object of Ethan's affections. I'm not sure who the genius was who saddled this horrid throwback to late-'70s teensploitation with its inappropriately iconographic title, after endless other monikers failed to get it released for over a year. Nor, frankly, am I sure whom the filmmakers thought they would fool by trotting out stale raunch and every recycled bad gag of the last 20 years and calling it comedy. Less a film than a finger painting of fecal matter with a light projecting behind it, Slackers, with its parade of post-American Pie freeze-dried offensiveness, is nothing but a gag-reflex assault that requires a long, hot shower and quarantine time postscreening posthaste. (David Fear)