May 01, 2002



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by andrea nemerson


DEAR ANDREA: Your last column was such a tease ["Bananas," 4/24/02]! I'm a woman who really – really – wants to be knocked unconscious and let my longtime lover have his way with me. I trust him with my life, and this has been a fantasy of mine forever. He's an ex-army medic, so I know I'm in good hands. But I'm no druggie. Even if I could find someone selling "date rape drugs," I'd have no idea how many to take! Do you have any advice for someone who's honest, open, and just a little perverted?

Love, Breathless

Dear Breath:

What a fabulous question! "Dear Andrea, how do I no if my girl has a organism?" gets a little tired after a while, and one longs for something new.

See, here's the problem: I tell people, "That doesn't sound like herpes to me." I tell people, "You should press charges." I tell people how to fit an entire fist in someone's rectum and approximately how many pounds per square inch a pair of testicles can take before they fail. I assume I already make the paper's legal department a little nervous. Of course, I know I'm not a lawyer or a doctor, and I make sure everyone else knows it too. Mostly, I avoid telling people how to do something so dangerous they may never recover. Anytime a person loses consciousness, there's a possibility she won't regain it, and it isn't merely that I fear being found responsible for such a thing – I just plain don't want to be responsible for it. Sorry to be such a weenie.

When I said I knew how to knock someone out, I was thinking of sedative-hypnotics like Rohypnol and party drugs like GHB, but I can't tell you where to get them or how much to take. I can tell you that reliable (prescription) drug information is available all over the Web, but it's usually not presented in an incremental fashion. It doesn't necessarily say, "25 mgs will relax you, but 40 will knock you cold," and it isn't adjusted for your weight and body chemistry. There are also some people out there who aren't quite as skittish about telling people it's OK to take drugs. While it's hardly as safe as a doctor's prescription, I'd much prefer for you to check with a group like RaveSafe (, rather than just swallowing something and hoping for the best.

If talking about taking powerful drugs that mess with your brain is making me feel nervous, imagine how I feel bringing up the subject of breath play. I'm hyperventilating already, and all I did was type the words. It's OK, though – all I was going to say is don't. While there are plenty of people out there playing with partial strangulation or suffocation, for most it's about almost blacking out. Actual loss of consciousness is generally to be avoided, for the reason I already stated, plus the ones about the emergency room, the psych evaluation, and the assault charges. Should he need to take you to the hospital, you can bet that "But he's a medic; he knows what he's doing!" won't carry much weight with the authorities.

I suppose I do have a couple of suggestions among all the caveats. There are people doing what I refuse to teach you how to do. You can probably turn something up if you search under "edge play," the blanket term S-M folks use for anything that doesn't fall easily under the rubric "safe, sane, and consensual." Your fantasy is consensual and sane enough, but it just isn't safe.

You might try taking something fairly mild (Valium? Halcion? cosmopolitans?) in a lowish dose to achieve the sort of heavy-limbed, defenseless state in which your lover might ravish you without your being able to do a thing about it but you wouldn't black out. Or you might try pure role-playing (a little bondage and sensory deprivation would probably help with the "he's having his way with defenseless me" feeling you're after). Less intense than your fantasy of total blackout, I admit, but at least you'd know it had happened. After all, if you were truly unconsciousness, he could leave you there, go watch the game, and just tell you he'd ravished you.

Love, Andrea

You can reach Andrea at, Bay Guardian, 520 Hampshire St., S.F., CA 94110, or


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