'WHAT'S 'HANGING OUT' mean?" asked my mom, who is perpetually discouraged and confused by the Just Me generation. I was telling her about who I was hanging out with, who I had stopped hanging with, and who I was currently seeing, another ambiguous concept that evades her cute but sadly earnest Summer of Love-on-Haight Street sensibility. " 'Hanging out' is too vague," she complained. "It sounds like two hippies sitting in a room smoking pot with the TV on – that's hanging out, right?" Pretty much.

She'll never get the Just Me generation, a section of the population she considers aloof, selfish, and continuously stressed out. I explained to her that we don't commit to anything or anyone because ultimately, we don't give a shit about anyone but ourselves. We don't get married, we don't date, and we consider children to be strange, stinky entities that only people in the suburbs like to make. We simply hang out. Hanging out takes the pressure off, removes illusions of commitment, and assures that any vaguely romantic liaison remains formless, casual, and extrication-friendly. Dating is what people in the '80s used to do. It's a rather pathetic exchange that implies holding hands, watching any crap Michael Douglas film, using diaphragms and lube, and accepting steak house dinners in exchange for pussy.

One tepid step beyond hanging out is seeing, which connotes a relationship that involves regular sex and the occasional shared stick of gum. Unlike hanging out, which refers to clandestine nighttime sex and the very rare portion of gum, seeing can also take place during the afternoon, which, if you consider it, is a very serious commitment. If the sex was horrendous, but the pot and conversation were all right, the only remotely sexual just chilling takes place (nothing more than tit-grabbing is acceptable here). If drunken sex is the only motive, it's a straight hookup. Hooking up is less involving than hanging out, which typically means you are obligated to call one another a few times a month (an exhausting chore). Hooking up, however, shouldn't be confused with the hookups, which can refer to drugs, the prefect scam, or VIP passes to the Sound Factory (woo-hoo).

Hanging out, of course, also has platonic implications. In the broadest sense, it is what two hippies do, sitting in a room, smoking pot, and is an activity I partake in quite often. But to help my mother further understand the fascinating yet amorphous intricacies of my generation, I composed the following script, which she will never understand.

Q: So are you guys going out or just hanging out?

A: No, we're just hanging out. It's a very laid-back situation.

Q: But didn't you guys ever hook up?

A: Of course, but it wasn't all that. So now we're just chilling.

Q: But I thought you were seeing someone else?

A: Yes, I was. But it turned out he was banging some other bitch, some chick he said he was just hanging with.

Q: Fuck that. So what are you up to tonight. Got any cool hookups at THIS IS MY CLUB, BITCH? I hear Sasha and Digweed are smoking crack in the VIP room tonight.

A: Nah. I think I'm just gonna hang out with my cats and watch Survivor.

Q: Well, maybe we can hook up later on.

A: Cool. Let's check in around 10. I might be down to hang.

Q: Sounds good. I might have the hookups after 9.

A: Great. I could really use a bong hit right about now. So definitely come and hang out at my house.

Q: All right. I'll catch you later on.