GOOD-BYE Townsend. May her enormous, gut-rumbling speakers and pock-marked floors rest in peace. May her shopping mall-size bathrooms and tweaked-out fun mirrors float upward toward heaven, so that the long-gone gods and goddesses of house music can continue to trim their asymmetrical pubes in peace. May all those sketchy, shady, and sublime memories of the San Francisco house scene's early days remain forever etched in our serotonin-challenged hearts. And finally, may the worthless shitheads who take over the space rot in hell, or something like that.

If the memories aren't all you want to hold onto, come down to Club Townsend Sat/13 and buy yourself a little bit of history. Greedy little club bitches with an excess of cash can pick up the glorious stuff that's still left in the club: equipment, speakers, couches, tabletops, and leftover cracked-out club kids from the early '90s who can't seem to find their way back to Walnut Creek. The sale goes from noon to 6 p.m., so be sure to beat the early-rising morning freaks.

Are you still suffering from depression from when the old weekly Staple party shut down? This Thursday the Staple kids – DJs Fil Latorre and David Javate – take over the old Up and Down club (now called Sitio) for Primer, a local talent-only biweekly (and possibly even bisexual) event that starts with a downtempo happy hour and segues into house later on. The two promise they won't cave in to laptop pressures, which is good news for a citywide restoration of ass-centric funk. Wicked's Markie initiates the first night, and Joshua IZ plays July 25.

Club Townsend sale. Sat/13, noon-6 p.m., Club Townsend, 177 Townsend, S.F. (415) 974-1585.

Primer. Second and fourth Thursdays (Thurs/11 with Wicked's Markie, July 25 with Joshua IZ), 9 p.m.- 2 a.m., Sitio, 1151 Folsom, S.F. $5-$7. (415) 626-2388, www.staplemusic.org.