DEAR ANDREA: Me and my ex have recently begun fooling around again, and against my better judgment, we've had sex three times without a condom. None of these times has he came inside me, but I read an article that said you can also get pregnant from sperm in pre-come. Is that true? Is it very likely?

Love, The Gambler

Dear Gam:

The question isn't "How likely is it?" but "How much don't I want to get pregnant right now by my ex-boyfriend?" Have you asked yourself that?

Let's review the anatomy: Spermatozoa are made in the testicles, and make a long, winding journey to the seminal vesicles before being released. There really shouldn't be any point at which sperm might be diverted from their usual path to take up residence in the Cowper's glands, where pre-come (Cowper's fluid) is made. It appears to be impossible for the two to mix, but of course few things are really impossible, and every once in a while, somebody reports getting pregnant with no (apparent) explanation other than "pre-come did it." Assuming that some of these stories are true, we must assume that some sperm do, in fact, wander around before ejaculation and end up mixing with pre-come. The other popular explanation is that some sperm were hanging around the urethra after a previous ejaculation and caught a ride on the next train out. It's possible. Not likely. A few loitering, lazy-ass sperm are hardly the healthy 100 million or so that fertility doctors say are required to make a baby.

What is likely is that at some point you and your ex (why your ex? are you sure this is a good idea?) are fooling around. He promises not to come inside you, same as last time, but despite his best intentions, he goes "oops." The younger and less experienced he is, the more likely the oops. I have a feeling that at least some of those "pregnant from pre-come" cases are really oopses in disguise.

I am, unlike many people in the reproductive health biz, actually quite a withdrawal fan. In certain situations it's a perfectly reasonable choice, but I recommend it only to couples who can convince me that they both know what they're doing and have already come up with a workable, mutually agreeable emergency plan in case. As you two have done nothing to inspire my confidence in this regard, I'm not recommending it. What in the world is wrong with using some protection? He's your ex, for god's sake. You do not want to get pregnant by him. No, forget that. You don't want to get pregnant by anyone, not now. Just get the damned condoms and use them.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea:

If you have sex three days after your period, and the guy finishes inside of you, what are the chances you will get pregnant?

Love, Counting

Dear Count:

I'm sorry, but I cannot handicap this for you. What I can do is give you a barely useful answer (the chances are low) and ask you a useful question: how much of a chance are you willing to take?

Here's the thing: The textbook female cycle is 28 days, with ovulation in the middle, around day 14. Are you that textbook female? Every single time? Are you sure? (I'm close to textbook myself, and I still rely on technology to be sure.) Sperm can live for at least five days inside you. The ovum (egg) lives for 12 to 24-four hours after being released at ovulation. So for five days or more prior to ovulation and at least one day after, the two could meet and do the deed. Then the egg is gone, and it's all clear straight through menstruation and out the other side, until it starts all over again. Oh, except maybe you ovulate a little early, or forget to factor in how many days the sperm can survive, or, or – it's not worth it.

In truth, the first few days or your cycle (it starts the first day of bleeding) are about as safe as it gets. When it comes to sex, though, I won't use the word "safe," only "safer." That way I never have to say, "Sorry. I didn't mean to imply that nothing bad would happen, only that it probably wouldn't."

Love, Andrea