June 26, 2002




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Archives | Andrea's Website | Ask Andrea

by andrea nemerson

You worm!

DEAR ANDREA: I'm a 28-year-old with a 4.75-inch penis. Is it common for men with a small penis to have the fantasy of being humiliated or insulted for having a small penis? I enjoy this very much and was wondering if other unendowed men do also. Do females enjoy humiliating men? Do females enjoy "measuring"?

Love, Pea Shooter

Dear Pea:

I'm trying to figure out how to answer your question without unintentionally humiliating you – after all, we've just met, and it wouldn't be proper.

I have written rather extensively on the subject of whether women enjoy hurting men, although it's pointless to discuss anything in terms of "Do women enjoy ____?" or "Do men dislike ____?" or any other gigantic generalization. The answers will always be some do, some don't, and it depends. Your fantasy, by the way, is not one of the perennial heavy hitters, like forced cross-dressing or naughty Catholic schoolgirl, but yes, I've heard it before.

Are there women who would enjoy insulting your equipment? Sure, but haven't you ever heard the expression "Be careful what you wish for"? Some girls are just mean, and I've heard from men who were actually rejected at the point of sale, as it were, for being small or soft or fast or in some other way found wanting, and not one of them enjoyed it. You don't want some nasty little number flouncing out when she doesn't like what you've got to offer – where's the fun in that? No, you want a woman who's actually into humiliation, who can bring some artistry to abusing you. By all means peruse the personals first, but don't be too shocked if you end up having to hire someone. It's not such a bad choice: not only are pros actually available when you need them, but they're also bound to be pretty good at what they do.

Do women enjoy measuring? I've already made my point about blanket statements describing huge groups of humans, but if I had to answer this one, I'd have to say not really. It's just not a huge deal to most women. Few carry calipers, and frankly, most would merely laugh at you were you to bring it up. And not in a hot way.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea:

Before and during sex I fantasize that my wife will demand that I go down and give her another climax orally after I've climaxed in her. She says she's had guys do it before, but she hasn't asked me, and I haven't mentioned my fantasy. Is there a name for this? Is it abnormal? Do women think it's weird if a guy does it?

Before you say, "No harm, you're not gay, get down there and check it out," there's only one problem. Thirty seconds after I climax, I lose interest. In fact, it seems yucky (grown-up word for a guy who's fortysomething). So my fantasy is that she puts me into a light (low pain threshold) bondage situation until I do take care of her.

Since this is my wife of 15 years, I don't think I'm into humiliation ... just submissive games. Any ideas?

Love, Make Me!

Dear Make:

Dude, this is so common it doesn't even need a name, although I suppose some variety of "snowballing" or "felching" would do (I know, I know, but it's close enough, so no quibbling). So, obviously it isn't abnormal, and I don't really have to get into the non-gayness of sex acts involving vaginas at their most vagina-esque, do I?

If it actually seems yucky, you needn't do it, but there must be yuckier things out there or you wouldn't be asking me now to help you make it happen. I have no idea how your wife will respond when, after 15 years, you suddenly offer her a hank of rope and a hopeful expression. We'll never know unless you try it, though, will we?

Come to think of it, actual rope may not even be necessary, and it may be easier to sell your wife on role-playing if she doesn't have to learn fancy ropin' tricks at the same time. All you really need is a commanding tone and perhaps a firm hand on the back of your neck. Can you honestly say you have never heard your wife take this tone with you in the course of a 15-year marriage?

Love, Andrea

You can reach Andrea at andrea@altsexcolumn.com.