November 20, 2002



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Archives | Andrea's Website | Ask Andrea

by andrea nemerson


DEAR ANDREA: A friend recently told me that during butt sex, if the guy punches the girl in the back of the head, it will make her vomit and defecate at the same time. Is this true? And why would anyone want to do this?

Love, Troubled

Dear Trouble:

What? What?? Why would anyone want to do this, indeed. Come to think of it, why did your friend even tell you this thing to begin with? I mean, does this sort of thing come up in ordinary conversation? And one more question: does this friend have a girlfriend?

It seems most unlikely, but I have no idea if it's true. I sincerely hope nobody gets it into his head to try it and tell me how it goes. In case anyone was leaning that way, I don't want to know, OK?

Far, far more likely, I think, is that it would go something like this: Guy punches girl in the back of the head during butt sex. Girl pulls away, turns and punches guy in the face, gets dressed, and leaves.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea:

I am involved with a man who enjoys scat play, the practice of playing with or eating your partner's or your own fecal matter during sex. I understand that it is a fetish that does not have great appeal for most people but am willing to experiment with it out of a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on how you look at it) curiosity and love for him. Do you have any information on where a fetish like this originates and what psychological implications it may carry? Do you think it is born out of rage toward women?

Love, Curious and Concerned

Dear C and C:

Wow, is this guy lucky to have found you. "A fetish that does not have great appeal for most people" is putting it quite delicately, I must say. You do realize that the vast majority of partners, no matter how loving, would hear "Let's play with shit!" and just start packing, don't you?

Scat is a lonely little fetish shunned and reviled by almost everyone. Just this weekend I watched as a roomful of eager would-be sex educators were shown vast quantities of rather challenging porn. Not for fun, but to help them develop the attitude of detached "whatever"-ness necessary for the job. Which, by and large, they did, bless their hearts. Except, predictably, when we got to the scat, which instead produced gasps of horror and a roomful of post-traumatic stress cases struggling gamely to look blasé when the lights came on. Meanwhile, my fellow instructors and I were clustered in the back making retching noises at one another, just like always. Scat play? Barf-ola. But, uh, you go!

Many researchers have sought to understand the formation of fetishes and their pathological cousins, paraphilias, but there's simply no hard science. We have moved beyond the Kraft-Ebbing model, wherein a child's titillating but traumatic experience with a high-heeled shoe, leather bridle, or sternly seductive nanny could warp him forever. Unfortunately, we haven't much of a model with which to replace it. All I can tell you is that scat play, whatever its origin, generally has less than nothing to do with hatred of women. For one thing, many practitioners are gay men who barely even think about women, let alone want to smear them with feces.

Love, Andrea

P.S. Smear if you must. Don't eat.

Dear Andrea:

My eldest son is 25. Several times I saw him smelling and kissing my panties. He even kept them under his pillow. (I thought maybe he masturbated with it.) I am ashamed to talk about it. Can you give me any solutions to the problem?

Love, Mama

Dear Ma:

Three letters that grossed me out in one week? This must be some sort of record.

It's hard not to be judgmental about your son's behavior – he's 25, and he can't find any female undies to fiddle with that don't belong to mother? He needs to get out more; sneaking around Mom's hamper is not what I'd call manly or mature behavior.

It is, perhaps, even harder not to be judgmental about your behavior, though. How many years has this been going on? Unless you're making the whole thing up, I'm guessing at least 10. He's been sneaking into your bathroom or bedroom for more than 10 years, and you never thought of locking the damned door?

Love, Andrea

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