November 27, 2002

By Lori Spears

REMEMBER THE PART in the Bible about how you could give a man a flounder, but you'd be better off teaching him how to fish? The chapter and verse elude me, but the moral of the story stuck. And it's something you might want to think about while mosh-pitting through Macy's at 4 p.m. on Christmas Eve, in search of that perfect something for the cousin you see at mandatory familial gatherings.

By age 13 I understood Catholic guilt, Baby Jesus, confessions, altar boys, rosary rubbing, and world population explosion. I was an opinionated little girl, and it was no surprise to my parents when I refused Catholic confirmation. Nowadays I subscribe to the church of craft. It whiles away the hours and quiets my mind, and I get to convene with other DIY geeks. Craft Night has inspired many a holiday gift, and so have my other extracurricular activities, from skydiving lessons to collecting arty comic books.

When choosing gifts, remember that the priceless ones are those it took somebody time to make or conceive of. Both giver and recipient may find them more meaningful than an oversize sweater with the receipt.

Below are some alternatives for the holiday season. With price tags ranging from get-yourself-a-sugar-daddy to under $10, there's a gift for everyone on your list. For the love of whomever you worship, give creatively.

Lessons learned

The activities listed below are not for the timid, so be mindful before forking over the gift certificate. Note: Reservations are recommended, and safety is your first priority.

Air

Skydiving could be the most exhilarating minute of your gift recipient's life. It could also be the most expensive (for you), but it's well worth it. The best way to make a first jump from 14,000 feet at 120 miles an hour is in tandem, strapped to the front of a pro. Pre-jump, a 40-minute class will prep your mother, great aunt, or big sister on tandem procedure and equipment – and inspire some nervous giggles. On the 10-minute plane ride up, she may find God quicker than a death row inmate, especially when she sees her instructor saying his prayers. After that, he'll talk – or holler – her through plane bailing, the mosaics of fast-approaching ground, canopy control, and landing. She may love it so much she'll want to go solo and perform an accelerated free fall – this will require many more hours of ground training, bigger balls, and access to a fair amount of loot.
Age 18 and up.
Health Good physical condition, maximum weight of 225 pounds. If you're over 65, you'll need a doctor's note certifying your good health.
Budget $145-$170.
Time commitment Half day.
Tip Wear running shoes – a smooth landing depends on it.
Bay Area Skydiving (925) 634-7575, www.bayareaskydiving.com.

Water

Maybe your gift candidate has already mastered skydiving, in which case consider a scuba diving lesson. The possibility of suffering nitrogen narcosis should keep your little brother alert in class. Certification as an open-water scuba diver involves land-bound tests in math (reading gauges, logging dive depths, etc.) and science (wind and water currents and marine life, setting up and breaking down equipment). The waterlogged portion of the class (pool and ocean) involves putting the above skills into practice, as well as learning about safety, buoyancy control, and worst-case scenarios. Once certified, your brother can get off the ground and start exploring the other 70 percent of the world. Maybe he'll grow up to be a rescue diver, an underwater photographer, or a deep-sea naturalist.
Age 10 and up.
Health Good physical condition.
Budget $299 (open-water certification).
Time commitment 20-25 hours.
Tip Remove jewelry. Marine life is attracted to sparkly danglies. Don't get confused for bait.
Andrea's Aquatics Woman-owned and certified by the Professional Association of Diving Instructors (www.padi.com). (415) 831-4542, www.andreasaquatics.com.

Ground

Did you know that more than 90 percent of motorcyclists involved in accidents were self-taught? Bay Area Motorcycle Training's course will ensure that your loved one gets proper instruction and practice with experienced teachers, and the classes are small enough for individual attention. Students are taught how to properly mount a motorcycle, how to navigate difficult traffic situations, and how to swerve to avoid an accident. Best of all, they learn on BAMT motorcycles. And some insurance companies give deep discounts for riders who complete the course.
Age 15 1/2 and up (call for specific requirements).
Health Good physical condition (with sufficient balance to ride a bicycle), maximum weight of 300 pounds.
Budget Under 20, $75; over 20, $206.
Time commitment 16-20 hours.
Tip Wear long sleeves and jeans (no skin can show!).
Bay Area Motorcycle Training 1-800-CC-RIDER, www.motorcycleschool.com.

Some say that skating is freedom ... If you agree (begrudgingly) and your kid has been bugging you for a skateboard, offer him or her a package deal. At Berkeley skate shop 510, approximately $200 will cover a helmet, elbow and knee pads, and a "complete" (skateboard deck with grip tape, bearings, and wheels), assembly free of charge. And to ease your anxiety and school the new skater, make a half- or full-day skate clinic at UC Berkeley (through Golden Bears' Youth and Outdoors Programs) part of the bargain. Parents can stay and watch.
Age 8-16.
Health Good physical condition.
Budget Half-day clinic $45-$60, all-day clinic $85-$110.
Time commitment A half or full day.
Tip Personalize your deck with grip tape.
510 Skateboarding Skater-owned shop. 2500 Telegraph, Berk. (510) 843-1863, www.510skateboarding.com.
UC Berkeley Strawberry Canyon Recreation Area Skateboard Clinics (510) 643-CAMP, www.oski.org.

Whatever happened to the Bookmobile?

Invitation to the Butterfly Ball was my favorite childhood book. As a preteen, I read and reread Island of the Blue Dolphins. I'm still an avid book reader, but these days my fix is in the magazine aisle. A dozen magazine subscriptions have turned out to be the easiest and cheapest way to deal with my slick-mag addiction. You probably have friends who have come to the same conclusion. After leaving Dog Eared Books, I occasionally venture into the world of comics. Like tattoo parlors, comic book stores can be intimidating, given the kingdom-of-the-geeks exclusivity factor. However, there are no-attitude stores that carry the unedited, illustrated wonders. The best and worst aspect of comics is that they're limited editions. Treasure each installment. Below are some new discoveries on the 2-D plane.

Magz

Theme issues rock. In its fall-winter 2002 issue, Muffy covers all the ups and downs of adolescence. With section titles like Art Fag, Earwax, and Peepshow, Muffy is not for the p.c. or otherwise sensitive.
Reference point For readers tired of Bust.
Where to buy Naked Eye News and Video, 533 Haight, S.F., (415) 864-2985; www.muffymagazine.com.
Subscription Four issues (two years), $15.

Oakland-based, spanking-new Kitchen Sink is dedicated to exploring the contradictions in today's society. Topics include sex, music, food ... you know – everything but the kitchen sink. Word-heavy and design-light, Kitchen Sink is a bedside friend.
Reference point With some finessing, Kitchen Sink could be gone-but-not-forgotten Speak's adopted brother.
Where to buy Modern Times Bookstore, 888 Valencia, S.F., (415) 282-9246; www.kitchensinkmag.com.
Subscription Four issues (one year), $20.

Quarterly mag ReadyMade's cover models are real people who wield tools. This one is for creative people who appreciate everyday objects. Simple yet beautiful illustrations grace the how-tos in every issue. It's a must-have for craft emergencies, boredom breakers, and brainstorming.
Reference point Low-budget Martha Stewart meets Duchamp.
Where to buy Farley's, 1315 18th St., S.F., (415) 648-1545; www.readymademag.com.
Subscription Four issues (one year), $14.

While Venus founder and editor Amy Schroeder still calls her publication a zine, it's a slick piece of work that's about to become a big-ass mag. Lady rockers, lady artists, lady politickers, and more ladies are the focus of this refreshing quarterly that covers up-and-comers as well as mainstreamers.
Reference point Nothing like it!
Where to buy Aquarius Records, 1055 Valencia, S.F., (415) 647-2272; www.venuszine.com.
Subscription Four issues (one year), $12.

Dwell is for those with house lust. Features range from school-bus conversion to neighborhood housing codes in Kentucky to dreamy beach houses. With breathtaking photography, the S.F.-based mag takes the reader all over the world and back home again. Dwell goes on the shelf, not in the recycling heap.
Reference point Not as highbrow as Architectural Digest.
Where to buy Cody's Books, 2454 Telegraph, Berk., (510) 845-7852; www.dwellmag.com.
Subscription Six issues (one year), $19.95.

Comics

Joe Sacco's Safe Area Gorazde is more book than comic. Its dark humor seeps through real-life incidents richly illustrated by Sacco, who spent nearly a year with the Serbs and Muslims in the U.N.-designated safe area of Gorazde. The reader absorbs war-ravaged snapshots of history and the daily lives of the citizens. Buy this for all of your friends!!!

Berlin, by Jason Lutes, tells the story of a journalist and an art student living through chaotic political times in the eponymous city. The latest issue, "City of Smoke" (no. 9), focuses on a few nights of sex and scandal in the late '20s cabaret scene. Lutes's lines are clean and purposeful, the dialogue is sparse, and he seamlessly weaves together several stories. Check out the first eight issues of Berlin in one bound book.

Where to buy Otsu (the only vegan boutique in the United States that also carries comics), 3253 16th St., S.F., (415) 255-7900, www.otsuveganstyle.com; www.drawnandquarterly.com; www.fantagraphics.com.

Part comic, part book, and mostly journal, Vinnie's Giant Roller Coaster Period Chart and Journal Sticker Book (complete with Vinnie's Tampon Case, a little pouch to keep feminine products safe) could be the perfect gift for your forgetful best girlfriend. Remedies, charts, wacky postcards, and cute stickers run rampant within the pages of this feast-for-the-eyes illo'd book. For the young and still-bleeding old, it'll keep you guessing about Vinnie and not about your Aunt Flo.

Where to buy Chronicle Books, 101 Fourth St., Metreon, S.F., (415) 369-6000, www.chroniclebooks.com; www.knowyourflow.com.

Try this at home

If you can't afford to give lessons or literature, there's still hope. Many fine, inexpensive DIY presents have emerged with the help of a little Mod Podge and Armour Etch. As much of a craft staple as a staple gun, Mod Podge is a water-based glue, sealant, and finish in one jar. Inventor Jan Wetstone even Mod Podged a VW bug with bedsheets. Armour Etch is easy to use yet hard to find in San Francisco, thanks to a city law introduced last year mandating that Armour Etch join fatty markers and spray paint behind the sales counter, where consumers 18 and up can ask for it by name. Apparently, it wasn't worth the effort, because S.F. art stores stopped stocking it. But fret not, crafters. Just go to the East Bay. Here are a couple easy projects – once you've transformed a few thrift store glasses into monogrammed heirlooms and Mod Podged an entire household's worth of light-switch covers, you'll never look at your holiday gift list the same way again.

Six easy steps to Mod Podge-ing a light-switch cover

Materials: Mod Podge (16 ounces, $6), paintbrush, light-switch cover, your imaginative design (use photocopies of illustrations or old photographs, fabrics, napkins). Where to go: Pearl, 969 Market, S.F., (415) 357-1400, www.pearlpaint.com; www.plaidonline.com.

1. Buy a light-switch cover at any hardware store.
2. Clean it with water and dry.
3. With a brush, apply M.P. as a glue to adhere your paper design or fabric.
4. Drink a beer as you watch it dry.
5. With the same brush, apply M.P. as a sealant.
6. Wrap it up for an appreciative friend.

Six easy steps to etching a glass

Materials: Armour Etch (three ounces, $10), paintbrush, X-Acto knife, Con-Tact paper or masking tape, thrift store drinking glasses, plastic gloves. Where to go: Michael's, 3991 Hollis, Emeryville, (510) 658-4830, www.michaels.com; www.etchworld.com..