April 9, 2003

DEAR ANDREA: The description of your service is bullshit! Twelve submitted questions in eight months, not one answer. You suck!
Love, Outraged

Dear 'Raged: Huh? What service? I'm not a service. Seriously, I'm just eduinfotainment. Only a few letters can make it into the column, and of course I can't answer questions privately, so almost everyone who writes to me, or any other columnist, gets disappointed, I suppose. If you need help that badly, you really need to look elsewhere: your doctor, for instance, or San Francisco Sex Information (www.sfsi.org). Or hey, look it up on Google. You don't need me.
I don't know why your questions fell by the wayside. Maybe they were dull or incoherent; maybe I just didn't feel like answering them. At any rate, here ya go: your letter in print, just like you wanted. And now back to the people whose letters I do feel like answering this week: poor, terrified teenagers who couldn't find their own asses with two hands, a Maglite, and GPS. They need me.
Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: What are my chances of being pregnant when my boyfriend and I had sex without a condom and he pulled out both times, but after the first time he comed, he just wiped it off and we started having sex again. And what can you tell me about pre-come, and I want to know how long pre-come comes before the actual come.
Love, Scared One

Dear Scared: Run that by me again? He pulled out and then went back in again and was still wearing the condom but wiped it off and – no, that's wrong, no condom, right? Never mind. These "Can I get pregnant if ...?" questions are always hopelessly complicated, but really, it all comes down to one simple rule: no ejaculate (come) allowed inside the vagina. Inside a condom, fine. Outside, on your leg, fine. Just no sperm running around loose inside you, ever. It's really much simpler than it seems.
Pre-come is Cowper's fluid, a little bit of clear stuff that flows through the penis prior to ejaculation (the exact timing varies). In theory, its purpose is to make the passage safe for sperm; in practice, it spends most of its time freaking out teenagers. It shouldn't contain sperm, but – just to keep things interesting – every once in a while it does. How surprised will you be to hear me suggest avoiding the big freak-out next month by – you guessed it – using a condom?
Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: OK, if a guy like rubs his penis and then like fingers you, can you get pregnant?
Love, Scared Two

Dear Two: The penis is not coated with magic pregnancy dust. Only sperm can get you pregnant, and they're in the ejaculate (come). It's very unlikely you got pregnant this time. All the same, if he happens to come while rubbing his penis (which has been known to happen), he has to wash his hands before he fingers you. Or (this one's even easier to remember): no ejaculate allowed in the vagina, no matter how it gets there. That should do it.
Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: I am 15, and I had sex with my boyfriend two days in a row before I got my period. Is there a high chance that I can be pregnant?
Love, Scared Three

Dear Three: Actually, no. It's unlikely you were fertile two days before your period, and having your period is a pretty reliable indicator that you are not pregnant now. So you timed it right. But that was just luck, wasn't it? It could have been earlier in your cycle, when you really were likely to get pregnant, and you still would have been having unprotected sex, am I right? Will you, your friends, and your respective boyfriends please do yourselves, your parents, and me a favor and just use a condom every time, at least until you have enough experience and information to be able to judge what is dangerous and what is not? Please?
Love, Andrea