8 Days a Week

April 30-May 7, 2003

PRIDE AND PLATYPUS? The Cook, the Bathtub, His Wife, and Her Kidney? These could be the titles of plays performed at the BATS Improv Long-Form Festival – in fact, since the actors often take title suggestions from the audience, just about anything you suggest could be turned into a two-hour show. Unlike most improvisation games and comedy sketches, these "long-form" works are full-length plays created entirely on the fly, leaving audiences to marvel, "I can't believe it's not scripted!" While the performers may be as smooth as butter, at some point they are bound to find themselves in uncomfortable binds. "Part of the fun is watching the actors screw up," managing director John Kovacevich says, "and then watching them get untangled from the mess they've created." The festival kicks off this week with "Double Feature," an improv format in which two "films" are created spontaneously and enacted simultaneously. In the coming weeks the BATS Improv players will experiment with mask theater, a classic improv form called "the Harold," and movie westerns. They'll also welcome guest groups Start Trekkin', True Fiction Magazine, Underdog, and 3 for All. Through May 31. Opens Fri/2, 8 p.m. Runs Fri.-Sat., 8 p.m., Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason Center, Bldg. B, Marina at Laguna, S.F. $12-$15. (415) 474-8935, www.improv.org. (Kerry Rodgers)

April 30

Wednesday

Mmm-mmm good As a food writer and television cook, Nigella Lawson is famously well-rounded, and her cooking is not bad either. In fact, the particular genius of this Venus-like voluptuary lies in making just the kind of unfussy comfort food you actually want to eat, and eat very often. Her philosophy – and with such an idol, it could so easily become a religion – is simple: whereas some snobs make out cooking to be an exquisite art of recherché ingredients and techniques (ahem, North Berkeley), good food should be painless and pleasurable to prepare. On tour for her latest book, Forever Summer (which includes a recipe for "Slut Red Raspberries in Chardonnay Jello"), the kitchen goddess descends tonight to chat, sign books, and let out sultry, languorous sighs at the mere mention of the word cake. 7 p.m., A Clean Well-Lighted Place for Books, 601 Van Ness, S.F. Free. (415) 441-6670. (Amir Baghdachi)

May 1

Thursday

Cross tops The last time comedian David Cross played San Francisco solo, he filled the Great American Music Hall with admirers (if you missed it, immediately go buy Shut Up You Fucking Baby!, his Sub Pop CD recorded on that tour). And then there was that live gig with other Mr. Show castmates at the Warfield, an even bigger venue that was similarly packed to the gills with rabid fans. So what's with these performances at the relatively wee Punch Line? Cross-o-philes, commence with the mad rejoicing only after you've secured your tickets to one of these sure-to-sell-out shows. Nick Swardson and Mike Spiegelman also perform. Through Sat/3. 9 p.m. (also Fri/2-Sat/3, 11 p.m.), Punch Line Comedy Club, 444 Battery, S.F. $20. (415) 397-7573, www.punchlinecomedyclub.com. (Cheryl Eddy)

May 2

Friday

Eat to the beat Warming up for Cinco de Mayo and closing down the successful graffiti show "Coast to Coast," 'Representa' brings together the sights, sounds, and tastes of heads from near and far. Peep pieces by Shie, Doze Green, and others from the Barnstormers and InkHeads crews while enjoying fare from Destino and Papalote Mexican Grill restaurants. Pushing the night close to sensory overload, there's live Afro-Latin percussion by Rumba con Moña, and the Latin All-Star DJs Corazon, Papi Chocolate, Rascue, Rueben, and Vanka. 8 p.m.-2 a.m., Punch Gallery, 1055 10th St., S.F. $10. (415) 522-5555. (Peter Nicholson)

Friday-night fever Got a date and don't know where to go? Or hope to pick one up? Try the San Francisco Ballet, which tonight features a "Meet the Artists" behind-the-scenes discussion at 7 p.m., followed by an 8 p.m. performance. The program is eminently suited for sampling the variety of colors that ballet comes in these days: Continuum, a far-out piece by Christopher Wheeldon, probably the best contemporary ballet choreographer; Lew Christensen's Jinx, a dramatic, rather dark look at circus folks; and Paquita – beautiful, gorgeous, virtuosic – "grandpa" Petipa's paean to classicism are featured on the bill. Check stage listings or the Web site for additional S.F. Ballet performances and "Meet the Artists" lecture nights. 7 p.m., War Memorial Opera House, 301 Van Ness, S.F. $10-$130. (415) 865-2000, www.sfballet.org. (Rita Felciano)

Jitterthug I guess in some alternative (alt-folkie) universe David Dondero, not Bright Eyes' Conor Oberst, his former musical collaborator, would be the one rumored to be dating Winona Ryder. But instead we'll have to settle for Dondero speaking out against the war with his witty "Pre-Invasion Jitters" (on his label's site, www.futurefarmer.com). "Joined the army for money for college, now I'm trading bullets for knowledge," he sings, jamming as many extra syllables and thoughts into the line as he can. "Isn't quite what I bargained for, they didn't tell there'd be a war ... this isn't like PlayStation at all." Step right up and enlist in the quality songcraft found on Dondero's Shooting at the Sun with a Water Gun. East Bay singer-songwriter Sonny Smith also performs. 10 p.m., Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk, S.F. $6. (415) 923-0923. (Kimberly Chun)

May 3

Saturday

Acid casualties Hey hipster, let's put on a show. Eclectic heads with a yen for vaudevillian days of yore will get a kick out of 'Acid Cabaret Television,' a variety show with a DIY music/burlesque twist that was originally produced for cable access. Kitten on the Keys bares some if not all, Bride of Ozzy gets timely with "War Pigs," East Bay band Monopause grooves to non-English language garage rock, all-female marmalade wrestling splashes down on the mat, and Soccer Moms Against Rock Music (SMARM) wag their fingers at misbegotten youth. Check out episode one and two with a cast and crew of familiar faces from the Bay Area music realm. Midnight, Roxie Cinema, 3117 16th St., S.F. $5-$8. (415) 863-1087. (Chun)

On the money This weekend offers an opportunity to do a different kind of window shopping: for the Retail Dance Festival (part of the Bay Area Celebrates National Dance Week goings-on), a group of dancers invade downtown stores, hotels, galleries, and Union Square. Just as in fashion, styles and size vary. What the various companies have in common is that all of these shows are free. The lineup includes Alma Esperanza Cunningham Movement, AXIS Dance Company, Backhaus Dance, Peck Peck Dance Ensemble, Rebecca Pappas, Shipp Dance Theatre, and Stephen Pelton Dance Theater; check the schedule at the festival's Web site. Today, noon-6 p.m.; Sun/4, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Various downtown locations, S.F. Free. www.retaildance.org. (Felciano)

May 4

Sunday

Foreplay It's been a long time – about 60 years – since Oreste Valdes founded Orquesta Aragón, the venerable Cuban charanga that popularized the cha-cha-cha and headlined Havana's casinos during the '40s and '50s. The Cuban revolution came when they were on the verge of conquering the U.S. market, but the band decided to remain on the island, drastically altering their career. Although they subsequently traveled the world as ambassadors for the Castro government, cold war politics meant they were unable to play in the United States for years. Orquesta Aragón have kept the essential foundation of their music – the light flute-violin front line energized by Afro-Cuban percussion – but they've survived by evolving with the times. New generations of musicians brought new ideas to the band, and though you'll hear plenty of the cha-cha-cha, they've assimilated any number of styles and sounds over the years. More than anything, Orquesta Aragón have remained a dance band, and this appearance – at "An Evening in Cuba," a fundraiser for Carnaval S.F. – will get you ready for the 25th anniversary of the annual street party. 7 p.m., Roccapulco, 3140 Mission, S.F. $45. (415) 920-0125, ext. 4. (J.H. Tompkins)

Good ol' boys Louisiana's Superjoint Ritual hold court for Bay Area metalheads tonight at the Avalon Ballroom. Part of the same Bayou metal scene that has spawned such notorious, sludge-ridden bands as Soilent Green and Eyehategod, Superjoint Ritual are most interesting on paper for their semi-all-star lineup of Eyehategod guitarist Jimmy Bower, drummer Joe Fazzio (formerly of eccentric Texan metallers Dead Horse), Pantera vocalist Phil Anselmo, and none other than third-generation country outlaw Hank Williams III on bass. Superjoint Ritual are rougher around the edges than what these guys do with their "day jobs," but the band's drunken Southern hardcore-thrash goulash is still more durable than is implied by the title of their debut CD, Use Once and Destroy (Sanctuary). And trust me, you don't have to be a Pantera fan to like 'em. 7 p.m., Avalon Ballroom, 1268 Sutter, S.F. $18. (415) 847-4043. (Will York)

Whoa, man It takes something truly monumental to get most hepcats and -kittens out of their pads on a Sunday night – but usually the promise of scantily clad females drunkenly lolling about Bruno's backroom stage while men in berets scat poems on cheap thrills does the trick. Luckily the Mission District watering hole has obliged with 'Beatnik Burlesque,' a peanut butter-meets-chocolate combination of tassle-wielding strippers, cacophonous cabaret, and boho literary delirium. The brainchild of Werepad owner-cinesploitation expert-demented genius Jacques Boyreau, this night of 1,001 disparate delights ends its run this week with what promises to be a finger-snapping good-bye. Boyreau describes this tribute to the golden age of happy hour sin as "What if Kerouac, Russ Meyer, and Bob Fosse got together to discuss Flashdance?" If you can't dig that, daddy-o, then just go back to Squaresville. 9 p.m., Bruno's, 2389 Mission, $10. (415) 648-7701. (David Fear)

Fer sure The San Fernando Valley has lodged itself like a stucco chip in America's subconscious, with imagery from The Brady Bunch, Frank Zappa, and Boogie Nights creating a hellish mythology of split-levels, malls, and porn. 'Beyond the Valley of the Malls: The Poetics of the San Fernando Valley,' an illustrated talk by two Bay Area dwellers – Headlands Center for the Arts artist in residence (and Bay Guardian contributor) Glen Helfand and photographer and California College of Arts and Crafts prof Larry Sultan – aims to expose the meaningful social and visual influences hidden behind San Fernando's tacky image. The artists also discuss how their aesthetics were formed by their respective Valley upbringings. In addition Sultan shares photographs from his recent exhibit, "The Valley," capturing the residential sets of X-rated films. 4 p.m., Headlands Center for the Arts, 944 Fort Barry, Sausalito. $8-$10. (415) 331-2787, www.headlands.org. (Laurie Koh)

May 5

Monday

Galaxy quest Time magazine science writer Michael D. Lemonick isn't afraid to ask the big, scary questions: Is there life on other planets (addressed in his book Other Worlds)? Is there a cosmic "Big Crunch" in our not-so-immediate future (The Light at the End of the Universe)? And now with his latest – Echo of the Big Bang – he ponders the information recently gleaned by the deep space-exploring Wilkinson Microwave Anisotropy Probe (sample facts: the universe is 13.7 billion years old; 73 percent of the universe is composed of thoroughly mysterious, antigravity-causing "dark energy"). Learn more about these and other final-frontier findings at Lemonick's two Bay Area appearances. 7:30 p.m., Cody's Books, 2454 Telegraph, Berk. Free. (510) 845-7852. (Also Tues/6, 7:30 p.m., Morrison Planetarium, California Academy of Sciences, Golden Gate Park, near Fulton and Eighth Ave., S.F. $2-$8.50. 415-750-7145.) (Eddy)

May 6

Tuesday

Axe on You know how all of those tasteful guitarists love to talk about how they only "play for the song"? Well, listen up, shredders, because here's your chance to give those people the middle finger and assert your right to "play for the solo." That's right, it's time for the third annual Lucifer's Hammer-sponsored Guitar God-a-Thon. As usual, entrants will be given two minutes – three in the final round – to assert their guitar godliness and, let's not beat around the bush, show off before a panel of judges and a (potentially) adoring crowd. Amplifiers, guitar cables, and a live rhythm section are provided; all you have to do is bring your guitar and be there by 9 p.m. to sign up. (Note: You have to be 21 or older to enter, and entering doesn't get you out of paying the cover charge.) In addition, there's "halftime entertainment" by Vicious Rumors and free stuff courtesy of a bunch of metal labels including Century Media and Relapse. 10 p.m., Curve Bar, 747 Third St., S.F. $5. (415) 820-1400. (York)

May 7

Wednesday

Boom time In these days of real death and destruction on the nightly news, who wants to play with squirt guns? It seems strange to make light of weapons – but this kind of irreverence is exactly the point of Bella Feldman's sculptures, on view in her Museum of Craft and Folk Art show, 'War Toys Redux.' Her imaginative cast-iron and blown-glass pieces address the current preoccupations with germ warfare and weapons of mass destruction. Both threatening and silly, Feldman's art undermines the seductive nature of technical weapons and aggression. "I use humor to ask the question, what are we all doing lobbing these things at each other?" the artist says. Through Aug. 17. Reception tonight, 6:30-8 p.m. (museum hours: Tues.-Fri. and Sun., 11 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.), Fort Mason Center, Bldg. A, Marina at Laguna, S.F. Free (museum admission $3-$4). (415) 775-0991, www.sfcraftandfolk.org. (Kerry Rodgers)