The Litter Box

OF ALL OF the secret sins that currently float this old boat, there's nothing quite like VH1's I Love the 80s program. What can I say? I tuned in for the marathon one hungover Sunday and found myself easily roped into 10 hours of mush-headed programming featuring pop stars like Duran Duran and Madonna, cultural crazes like Pound Puppies, and famous flameouts like Gary Hart. The show turned me into a believer – by the sixth hour I was rooting for a Dice Clay comeback. (Are you listening Fox network?) Anyhow, I guess I really did love the '80s (until they started to lose their steam, anyway, around '87 or so).

So I was filled with manic delight when I tossed A Crescent Honeymoon, the debut album by the East Bay's Communiqué, into the disc player – where it's stayed, and has played over and over, with no end in sight. They have three of the four people in near legendary American Steel, along with a new drummer and keyboard player – and they've made an album with elements of new wave, power pop, Motown, and emo. If the Smiths, the Raspberries, Roxie Music, and Crumb all had a business meeting to try to develop a new sound, they might come up with music that sounds like A Crescent Honeymoon – and they're the first band to get Stockholm syndrome into a song without making it into a joke, which deserves a handshake, even if songwriter Roy Henderson sometimes make you want to give him a hand across the puss for being ever so self-conscious (not to mention the slight faux-Brit accent you can't quite ignore). But then he hits the high end of the register, the song swells, and you realize that instead of slapping the big dope, you should be hugging him for trying so hard to make beautiful music. The sound is Morrissey with optimism, ABC with balls, and Lincoln minus the self-flagellation. The songs are sweet, lush, and tuneful, the lyrics are somewhat eloquent, and the result is mostly toe-tappingly good. So what should we call it? Emotown? Modernist revisionism? Something-old-something-new-something-borrowed-nothing-blew? Who cares – a winner is a winner, and this gang is a winner.

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Is it perverse to take pleasure in the fact that Ray Manzarek and the other creep who claim to be the Doors are being sued by just about everybody? First drummer John Densmore filed claim with Los Angeles Superior Court after he was tossed over the side in favor of ex-Police drummer Stewart Copeland to form "the Doors 21st Century" (rounded out by Cult singer Ian Whatshisface). Now the Lizard King's folks, George and Clara, are claiming misappropriation of the Doors name and suing the remaining originals for an undisclosed amount. And the parents of Jim Morrison's (also) late girlfriend are suing for half of Morrison's share in the band, and Copeland has also filed, because now his pals don't want to play with him anymore. It's all so delicious – perfect karmic retribution for no-talent, mealymouthed, greedy assholes trying to milk a bunch of money from something that wasn't that good to begin with.

If you weren't born when Morrison walked the earth, he was a fat, half-assed poet who died in some hotel room in France in 1971. No one stuck ice cubes up his bum.

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The name Ralph Carney might not be familiar in most households, but the local multi-instrumentalist has played with a fabulously diverse collection of musicians ranging from the B-52's and Jonathan Richman to Tom Waits and Medeski, Martin, and Wood. His third solo release, This Is! Ralph Carney (Black Beauty), is the product of a truly original mind – a wild ride that rolls and twists through a landscape that shows the influence of Looney Tunes soundtracks, jug band music (if the band was from the Middle East), Hawaiian folk music, poor-quality LSD, and David Lynch. Not to mention art rock and porch music. The result is an album that's moody, funny, and fucked-up fun.

Only 27 more rocker days until I deliver my annual screed concerning Atlanta's number-one men of action, the Forty-Fives. Lace protest mail with anthrax; I will be stopped no other way.

Communiqué play with the Oranges Band, Cutlass Supreme, and Love Is Chemical May 10, Stork Club, 2330 Telegraph, Oakl. Call for time and price. (510) 444-6174. They play with the Oranges Band and Essex Green May 11, 9:30 p.m., Bottom of the Hill, 1233 17th St., S.F. $8. (415) 621-4455.

Ralph Carney record-release party with Gary Floyd and Mushroom May 15, 9:30 p.m., Bottom of the Hill, 1233 17th St., S.F. $8. (415) 621-4455.