DEAR ANDREA: We've been married 25 years, and I would say it's been great. We're monogamous, or at least I thought so. One thing I've asked my wife to do is occasionally wear to bed Victoria Secret-type lingerie I've purchased for her. She never wears them and simply says she doesn't like to. Over time she has gained weight, and she thinks she's overweight and doesn't look good in this type of clothing. She's also told me it's uncomfortable for her to wear it. I still think she looks great.

Anyway, once a year she attends a four- or five-day industry convention with other managers from her company (all male). One of the other managers is around her age, and it's common knowledge that he has "played around" with other women at the company. This year as she was unpacking, I noticed in her suitcase some of the very sexy lingerie I had purchased for her (which she has never worn). When I mentioned it, she said she took them with her to try on in her room and see if she liked wearing them. I asked her why she couldn't try them out at home instead of at a hotel 3,000 miles away. She had no response.

Am I right to suspect that my wife had an affair on this trip?
Love,
Jilted G-String

Dear String:I wouldn't swear to it, I can't prove it, but do I suspect it? Of course I do.

"But," you say, "but ... then why did she unpack right in front of me, instead of waiting till I was walking the dog and then slipping the illicit articles back into the bottom drawer?" Well, I admit I wondered the same thing. In fact, I asked my own husband (of all of three weeks) why he thought a woman might let her husband have a quick, pseudo-accidental peek at her secret life. "Why would she," I asked, "unless ... oh! Unless she wanted to crush him like a bug, maybe?" He just laughed at me and said, "What do you mean, maybe?"

So here you have the cynic's scenario, in which a woman, finally fed up with her husband's failure to pick up the clues, decides to drop those clues where he cannot fail to trip over them. Of course, she might have despaired of finding some alone time with no possibility of interruption and actually carried your gifts cross-country just to find a time and place where she was comfortable trying them on. Or perhaps she ... um ... nope, sorry. I've tried and tried to come up with another possible explanation, and I just cannot do it. See, what's bothering me is the "she had no reply" part. If she had a good answer, why didn't she give it? Did you ask again later, by any chance?

I'm not going to tell you your wife is having an affair. I'm certainly not going to tell you she's having an affair with that manager-on-the-make guy. I'd like to believe she isn't, but unless she can come up with some sort of answer - I'd even be OK with "I felt like it" - I'm going to have to suspect the worst.

Love,
Andrea

Dear Andrea:I am 14, and I recently cheated on my girlfriend. A senior girl, who is 18 years old, had been flirting with me since the beginning of the year. I think she is really hot, but I tried to be faithful to my girlfriend. Last week she asked me to have sex with her and her friend, another 18-year-old who also happens to be the prom queen. I couldn't say no, and I ended up losing my virginity to them. Now the story is spreading pretty fast around the school, and all the guys think I'm really cool. But I know my girlfriend will find out about it. Should I tell her myself before she finds out, or should I just wait? Also, was it illegal for me to have sex with an 18-year-old? Will I go to jail?
Please help me out.

Love,
Prom Prince

Dear Prince:
No, you're not going to jail, especially since there's every chance that your horny senior and her naughty friend, the prom queen, are no more real than any of their counterparts clogging up my spam filter. C'mon, you made them up. Girls like that are lying in wait for college men, not barely pubescent pups like you.

All right. Let's say, just for argument, that it really happened. You wouldn't go to jail. Neither would they, in all likelihood, but if anyone got in trouble, it wouldn't be you. Except with your girlfriend, and she, well, she'd have to kill you. You'd have to tell her anyway, though. Waiting till the news reached her on the grapevine would be like breaking her heart and spitting on it. Fess up, then duck.

Love,
Andrea