Fun fact: In the span of one week, the moon – which rules our emotions – drifts through approximately three different constellations (zodiac signs); it's why moods can be so damn moody.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

We at the Psychic Dream Enigmatic Riddle Dispensary have a good one for you this week, Aries. What is the difference between intuition and emotion? Both are fluffy, vague, and confusing, but here's a hint: one will pull you toward what you want, and one will only drown your precious sense of self.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

Good news, Taurus: You're not allowed to make any decisions this week. It's a time for soul-searching and navel gazing. Sit back and watch the changes happen around you. It's true they're beyond your control, but that doesn't mean they don't serve you.

Gemini

(May 21-June 21)

Lots of dazzling, frenetic energy swirling around your little scene this week, Gemini. It brings a swell of fresh notions that make you feel fabulous but also scare the crap out of you. We're talking about an exciting new way to communicate love, here, so try to stop acting so triggered and freaked-out.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22)

Well, we warned you, Cancer, but it looks like recent overstimulation has left you with a Caligula-size hangover. Is it gut-twisting indigestion, old-fashioned whiskey head, or a sweet love hangover from an emotional bender? Chalk it up to another "life experience," relax, and let it pass.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

You're making the right moves, Leo; you're betting on the fastest horses and selecting the most flattering colors and tossing all the yummiest spices into the pot. You're magic this week, but it's a hard-earned magic after weeks of buttheads getting in your way. Any project you begin now will kick serious ass in the future.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Yes, the world is as scary as you think it is, Virgo, and by all means you should avoid it this week. Take a vacation to your favorite place in the world: home sweet home. Treat yourself to dinner at your own gourmet kitchen, settle in, and hide out. We'll let you know when it's time to emerge.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The times, they are a-changin', Libra, but you've got the fancy footwork to maintain an intricate balance and your delicate sanity. And you've got the good fortune to be plopped down in a protected and cozy place to leisurely enjoy all the pretty lights in the sky as your new day dawns.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

It's a downward growth this week, Scorpio. Persephone-style, you're descending into your own underworld to have a showdown with whatever you've been hiding from yourself. As repression leads to obsession, you'll probably recognize the beast from its cameos in your nightly dreams.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Happy half-birthday, Sag! We at Psychic Dream Industries have a gift for you: permission to be yourself. Let us take all this gaudy faux shit off your back so you can luxuriate in the pure glamour of your own authenticity.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Whoa, Capricorn! Your ideas are changing so rapidly you may be tempted to cling for dear life, but the best thing would be to unclench those fists of yours and let go. With a new set of thoughts will come a new set of needs, so start getting comfy with change. It's time to rock the boat a little – the status quo ain't your pal this week.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

The paint on the canvas has dried, gentle Aquarius, the cake is baked, what's done is done, it's ov-ah. Snap back to the present and stop trying to fiddle around with history lest you go totally nuts. Focus on clarifying what you want right now.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

It's a Calgon-take-me-away life you're living right now, Pisces, the kind of week when you defiantly say, "I deserve it!" and blow all your dough on a seaweed wrap at some bougie spa. Well, you do deserve it, so do something sweet to help you deal with the world's pressures this week.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years. Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.