DEAR DAME EVELYN , Recently my son (I will call him Ralph, since I like that name) took my husband and me out to dinner in the city, which we were visiting for the first time in several years. (We live in one of the flatter states.) The restaurant was in my son's neighborhood and served what we would call, back home, fancy ethnic food. We all enjoyed the food, but the service was another matter – it was slow and erratic. Ralph and my husband ordered beers that never appeared, despite repeated requests, and when we ordered desserts, we ended up waiting 45 minutes for them. I should say we waited 45 minutes before leaving, because Ralph (who I admit can be testy) finally told the server that we weren't willing to wait any longer and we wanted the check. The check was brought promptly and included a charge for the desserts! Ralph objected, whereupon the owner (I think?) appeared and told Ralph we were being charged for the desserts because we had ordered them and if we weren't willing to wait until they were served, that was our choice. I thought Ralph was going to strike the man. Instead he paid the check but left no tip. The owner shouted at us as we left. I was mortified, in part because I felt our server was being penalized for the obnoxiousness of the owner. What do you think? Was this an avertable disaster?

Faint at Heart

M'lady,

Oy! Remind Dame Evelyn never to go to this restaurant (whichever restaurant it might be). In a better world, beer is always brought promptly and something is always comped when a customer is legitimately dissatisfied, as you seem to have been. Even in borderline cases – and perhaps beyond – it is sound business practice to mollify agitated customers. It doesn't cost much to comp a few desserts or drinks, and doing so buys a good deal of good will. But ours is not a better world, and I am afraid all you can really do in this sort of situation is leave it behind. As for your son avenging himself by leaving no tip: it is, of course, not an ideal course of action in that situation, and while you do not complain about your server's conduct, it is a server's responsibility to keep his or her customers happy – by apologizing for delays, say, and bringing a little plate of cookies as a peace offering.

Peacefully,

E. G.-S.