DEAR ANDREA: I'm the "Strung Along" guy whose wife may be having an affair. I did bring it up on several occasions later, and she never really had a good reason why she took the lingerie on the trip, other than wanting to try it out by herself away from home. When I said she could try it on at home when I'm out of town, she just said, "I suppose so."

As far as intentionally letting me see as she unpacked her suitcase, I don't think so. I sort of caught her by surprise. By the way, I could also tell that some of the lingerie had been worn.

I'm not dumb or naive. We've been married for 25 years, and I love my wife, but this issue has hounded me for two years now, especially when I see the other guy at company functions. I believe, as you do, that it is more likely than not that she had the affair. What do you suggest I do at this point?

Love, Strung Along

Dear Strung: Too much responsibility! Can I just ask you a whole bunch more questions instead?

Before you do anything, you need to figure out what you're trying to achieve and whether pursuing this to the end is actually going to help you get it. Which is more important to you, truth or peace? Are you and your wife on the same side, struggling together, or is this war? Do you want to "win" – that is, make your wife understand that you're on to her and she can't get away with it? Or do you just want to have a future together that's as pleasant as your past?

I do think she cheated on you, at least that one time over that single, increasingly distant weekend. You're in a better position than I am to figure out if she's still seeing the guy. Has her job become mysteriously more demanding and her hours longer? Does she still seem interested in (lingerie-free) sex with you? Is this long-ago trip and its associated underwear the only thing she's weird and evasive about? Has she turned generally squirrelly and distant or, alternatively, way too lovey-dovey? I'm guessing no, as you still seem pretty happy with her and have hopes for your future. So is it really worth holding on to this, and to what end?

Interview yourself: Will knowing make it any better? If you did know, would you be able to go on having breakfast with her, sharing a bathroom, zipping up her dress for her ... or would you simmer and smolder and eventually blow? If you wanted to get over it, could you do it? How?

You're not the only one whose actions will cause reactions, either. Do you think your wife would be able to look you in the eye once the truth was out? Or would she be so ashamed she would have to slink away? How would you feel if she did?

I'm not saying it will go that way, just that you'd best be ready to finish whatever you start. Meanwhile, I'm trying to think of a way in which having it all out now could lead to any sort of happy ending, and I can't seem to make it work. So yes, you could sit her down and tell her, "Look, this thing has been bothering me for two years. I have to know what happened, and I have to know now." You could. But unless you're willing to see it escalate from there to the point where she's packing that suitcase for good this time, maybe you don't want to do that.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: You ran a letter from someone who's puzzled by a husband's insistence on hearing about his wife's illicit sex. You had a couple of hypotheses but didn't mention the huge obvious one: He wants to hear about it for the same reason she had it in the first place. They're married and therefore bored, bored, bored. I guess you left it as an exercise for the readers?

Oh, and congratulations on the nuptials you mentioned.

Love, Unpuzzled

Dear Un: Some people do have a trigger – they must hear or see or do some certain something every last time, or they just won't get anywhere. That husband isn't one of them, and he isn't bored either. Constant repetition would be a good way to achieve boredom if you hadn't managed it on your own; it's certainly no way to fight it. This guy is demanding that she re-recite her sins against him, every single time they have sex. Does that sound like harmless novelty-seeking to you?

Oh, by the way, asserting that boredom is the inevitable by-product of marriage and then congratulating me on mine? I choose, very graciously, to believe you meant that to be funny.

Love, Andrea