Meatless
By Miriam Wolf
McBellKing
THERE ARE LOTS of different types of vegetarians. When I lived
in New York City, I had a vegetarian roommate. He wasn't the kind of
vegetarian who insisted on fresh organic vegetables, healthy whole grains,
lush olive oil, and the ripest seasonal fruit. Instead, he subsisted
almost completely on a diet of baked ziti from the pizza joint down
the street, supplemented in the morning by a bagel with cream cheese
and grape jelly.
Of course, on this coast no one would be foolish enough to become what
I like to call a "red-sauce vegetarian," but there are definitely
times when crunchy granola is out and french fries are in. Especially
on a road trip. Summer has snuck up on us again, and unless you've already
booked your tickets to Paris, you'll probably be driving somewhere sometime
before Labor Day. What will you eat?
Most of the time, you'll be an adventurous diner, hitting the ground
in an unfamiliar town and picking up the local alternative paper to
check out the food section or cruising the ethnic neighborhoods in search
of the most authentic meals. Or you'll stop by the charming diner that's
been serving coffee and pie since the 1940s and looks like something
out of Twin Peaks. ("Get the cheese sandwich," my mother
would whisper across the table when our family vacation plans would
take us to an unfamiliar diner, "it's the safest.") Still,
there will be times when you just want to gas up, fill up, and get the
heck back on the road. You survey the area from the top of the off-ramp;
there's a forest of fast-food signs as far as the eye can see.
The good news is that while you're giving your dollars to huge multinational
corporations that perpetuate meat eating (to say the least), there are
actually choices at many fast-food places for vegetarians. I have spent
the last few weeks bearding the lion in its den by visiting my local
grease palaces and ordering vegetarian meals. It's a dangerous job,
but someone has to do it.
Last year Burger King released its BK Veggie Burger. It made a big
splash, earning the seal of approval from vegetarian groups and even
the superpicky folks at the Center for Science in the Public Interest
(the ones who warned us away from movie-theater popcorn and Chinese
food).
With visible little chunks of carrot and red pepper, the BK Veggie
Burger looks closer to actual healthy food than most anything else you
could get in a fast-food place. The patty ingredients are vegan (but
not the low-fat mayo, and the bun has a very small quantity of animal-derived
"butter flavoring."). It has a mushroomy, smoky flavor that's
beefy but not beefy enough to make you ask yourself if the counterperson
accidentally slipped you the real thing.
Journalist Neil Steinberg wrote of McDonald's, in his book The Alphabet
of Modern Annoyances, that "the burgers almost do not require
chewing but can be sucked through clenched teeth, like strained bananas."
It's that comfort-food aspect of fast-food burgers I remember the most,
and in that respect, the BK Veggie Burger does not disappoint. Like
most burger sandwiches, it tastes mostly of the condiments, but it's
fine as a road-food debauch and a hit of nostalgia.
I was actually looking forward to my trip to In-N-Out. The constant
buzz about the quality of the food had made me curious. And besides,
even Eric Schlosser, whose Fast Food Nation must have made more
than a few folks into vegetarians, approves of In-N-Out. After visiting
two locations (Daly City and Union City), I could definitely see the
appeal. Both locations were superclean. Everything is made on the premises
from fresh ingredients by a buzzing hive of workers (who are reportedly
paid a living wage, as is not the case at most fast-food places). I
ordered both vegetarian options: a "veggie sandwich"
basically lettuce, tomato, and condiments on a bun and the "grilled
cheese" sandwich, which featured thick slices of decent American
cheese, grilled and raw onions, lettuce, and tomato, with their mayo-based
spread. It was quite satisfying, especially along with a real-tasting
strawberry shake, although I think the special mystique of In-N-Out
(there were huge crowds both times I visited) will always be lost on
vegetarians.
Speaking of condiment sandwiches, a vegan family I know heads for the
yellow environs of Subway whenever they travel. Subway's Veggie Delight
features tons of vegetables (of varying quality depending on the day,
the season, and the location, of course) on a roll that even boasts
some whole-grain flour. It ain't Greens, but it ain't Dunkin' Donuts,
either. And many Subways offer a Gardenburger sandwich as well.
And then there's the Bell. If you are (or ever have been) a 20-year-old
anarchist vegan traveling across the country to the next WTO protest,
I needn't tell you Taco Bell's bean burritos (hold the cheese, please)
are the best thing since sliced seitan. At 89¢ apiece, you can afford
to fill up your stomach, if not your gas tank.
And what about McDonald's? In Europe, Canada, New York City, and, as
of this month, even L.A., you can now buy a soy-based veggie burger
at McDonald's. How does it taste? Well, I sent my former roommate, Ziti
Boy, to McD's to find out. "It tastes exactly like what you'd think
a McVeggie burger would be," he noted. "A transparent ploy
to squeeze money out of yet another demographic." Everyone's a
critic.
E-mail Miriam Wolf at miriam@coolcopy.com.