DEAR ANDREA: I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. Just recently, he asked me if I would ever consider deep-throating him. He told me that it was all right if I didn't want to. I'm more than willing to do anything to please him. The only thing keeping me back is fear. I'm not sure what exactly to do, and I don't want to be gagging in front of him. Please help.

Love, Shallow Throat

Dear Throat: I'm sure you don't want to gag, period, but you're probably more fussed about the "in front of him" part than he would be – if he's been through this before, he's seen it, and it's not like there's any shame in it. It's puking on him you want to avoid.

I have long been of the opinion that deep-throating is overrated, but what do I know? It's not like I've been on the receiving end. I do know that it seems to cause more anxiety than strictly necessary, and I doubt anyone has ever died bitter and unfulfilled for lack of getting swallowed. It's a frill.

If you want to test your gag reflex, find something smooth and clean and (obviously) longer than it is wide – a doctor's tongue depressor or, well, use your imagination – and gradually introduce it to the back of your throat. Stop (also obvious) when you start to gag. If it seems manageable, practice regularly, perhaps while lying supine with your head dropped off the edge of the mattress. This is supposed to lengthen your throat or some such thing, which may or may not work but it certainly won't hurt you.

After (and if) you've acquired some modicum of tolerance for having something in your throat, you can give it a try on him. Alternate actual deep-throating with fake-throating, that is, engulfing whatever excess length doesn't fit in your mouth with your wet, warm hand instead of your epiglottis. Ask him if he can tell the difference. If he can't, this isn't anything you're going to have to worry about in future, is it?

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: The head of my lover's penis gets bigger just before he is going to come, and it will not go in my mouth. I cannot get him off with a blow job, so what do I do?

Love, Knobby

Dear Knob: Short of giving him a headectomy or learning to unhinge your jaw like an egg-swallowing snake, nothing. There are physical limits in this world, and you just reached one. Use your hands, your tongue, and your common sense.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: My new lover is physically different than all the other men I have ever been with before. When all my other lovers have had an erection, their penises have stood straight up or to the side a bit. His, however, points straight down! Is this common? I have never seen anything like it. I am not complaining! This man has brought me to orgasms every time, and many of those times I even ejaculated, which he loved! Do you think that maybe the sex is so great because of his anatomy pointing straight down during sex?

Love, Other Way

Dear Way: I rather doubt it. I understand that its default direction may be southward (which is rare but hardly unheard-of), but unless you are lying flat on your back with your head between his ankles, it's unlikely to be pointing that way while in use. If the two of you are in anything like a conventional position, I'm quite sure it has swiveled into an upright and locked position for the duration. It's nice that your new lover is working out for you, but it's far more likely that he's good at it than that he's some freak of nature whose freakishness just happens to work well with yours. Give the guy some credit, why don'tcha?

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: When I get an erection, it's so hard that I can't bend it. Is it supposed to be like that or am I supposed to move it in any direction? In adult videos the men can bend it.

Love, Hard Guy

Dear Guy: I'm confused. The guys in porn are so hard they can't bend it, and if they're not, they take Viagra. Perhaps you're suffering some sort of disconnect between what something feels like and how it looks, but I assure you, if yours is so hard you can't bend it, then unlike all the soft guys who write in for help getting hard, you haven't a thing to complain about. Oh, and by the way, if it's so hard you can't bend it, don't. You could hurt yourself.

Love, Andrea