Fun fact: The planet Neptune governs our nighttime dreams, insanity, and escapism through booze, dope, or victimhood. Its influence can make you feel like you're in a fog.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

You're on the right track, kiddo. That nagging need for security is real, and you're smart to honor it. That said, you're not done with the letting-go portion of your personal-growth episode. Taking care of yourself doesn't always smell like a rose-scented bubble bath. Sometimes it stinks like the B.O. of workin' up a good, honest sweat.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

It's like you've tumbled down the rabbit hole, Taurus, only you haven't gone anywhere. It's a sedentary type of upside-down confusion you contend with this week, slow moving. Some things need to be lovingly built up; other shit is begging for the wrecking ball.

Gemini

(May 21-June 21)

You look great, Gemini, all spiffy and fresh and up for the challenge that lies ahead. Yeah, there's the problem of that low self-esteem puddling around your fancy footwear, but you're jam-packed with the kind of courage needed to start living a whole new way.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22)

Yeah, this may not be, like, the best week you'll ever have, but we Psychic Dreamers promise that if you keep your world-class worrywarting to a minimum, you might actually have a good time. Hanging out with folks who bring you down to earth or inspire the crap out of you will make it that much better.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Oh Leo, big hearts like yours just feel everything a little more, you know? So don't get down on yourself for being a sad sack this week – it's just the way your particular cookie is crumblin'. Good stuff is coming through for you, anyway; it just might be a bit harder to enjoy with that thorn in your paw.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Virgo, we are so happy to hear you've decided that you, too, want to be so happy! It's an all-you-can-eat bliss buffet, but you might need to tend to the rash your hair shirt has given you before you can truly begin to gorge yourself.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Things are just nifty for you folks this week, but like John Travolta, trapped in a plastic bubble in a movie of the week, you're having a hard time really connecting with all the pretty horse-riding girls. What's draining your energy, sport?

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Hey Scorp, we at Psychic Dream were riding the 14 Mission the other afternoon, and this dude was taking up three seats with all his bags, acting like a big entitled jerk about it. You sure don't want to take up space like that dork! With the scads of humility and self-awareness available to you this week, you'll be letting all the old ladies on the bus have your seat.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You're fronting so good right now, Sag, nobody knows that underneath that cool metallic shield and those furry hooves lies a wobbly colt who doesn't know what the fuck s/he's supposed to do with this bow and arrow. We say forget the weaponry and stick your head in a bunch of lilacs instead. What an excellent life you've got.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

A fantastic week for you, Capricorn! You may be flying solo, taking yourself out for a date, but by all means do get out of the house, 'cause there's a right-place-at-the-right-time element to your lucky luck right now. Where to go? Follow your heart, of course.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

I hope you've got your head on straight, Aquarius, or as bent as you like it. There's a lot of gnarly stuff you're being asked to juggle, maybe a dreaded compromise to make, so you want to be sure you're tight with your personal integrity. If you're right with yourself, your juggling will be superb.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

When we say you need to get inside yourself, by yourself, we're not talking about whiling away the day at a fancy spa. No, it's dirtier than that, my fishie. You need to figure out some serious shit, and you need to do it alone. Get reacquainted with yourself so you can see what influences are not your own.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years.

Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.