Fun fact! The gas giant Jupiter governs conceit, wealth, optimism, growth, higher education, philosophy, and that subject of much philosophical discussion, luck. Jupiter was born a gamblin' man.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

You're the debutante of the zodiac this week. A ball is planned in your honor, and all you need to do is show up and gleam. Well, OK, that's not all you have to do – you need to keep up the work that brought you to this glamorous place. But darling, you absolutely must put in an appearance at your own soirée, to keep your successes rolling in.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

Like the Brady kids sang, "When it's time to change, then it's time to change!" And Taurus, you love yourself so damn much this week that you're ready to make some solidly physical changes, like spiffing up your diet or Just Saying No to Codependence.

Gemini

(May 21-June 21)

Gemini, you hereby have permission to sprint headlong into the changes now occurring in so many of your relationships. We understand it's your nature to sit and ponder the shit out of all these shifting connections, but you're wasting precious time better spent out there actually experiencing them.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22)

Step up to the boxing ring, fair Cancer, and observe, in the trunks with the puzzling pattern that hurts your eyes to look at, Analysis, getting ready to go head to head with the placid-looking creature in the cool blue getup, Reflection. Not sure whom to root for? We'd put our money on the contestant who most encourages you to simply be.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

The Leo Bordello is officially open, after a brief closure due to some serious interior remodeling. We at Psychic Spring Break 2003 see a party in your collective pants, and we urge you to prowl around your cruising spot of choice. Just watch out for those fragile hearts and egos.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Feeling electrified, Virgo? We are envisioning you with multicolored laser beams coursing through your body, slightly freaked out at the sudden extravagance of pure energy at your disposal. Fear not, friend: this is just the stuff you need to put your newfangled plans into motion.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

It's our guess that your first inclination is to try to correct the past. Do you see how silly that looks on paper? It's an impossible task, so we ask you to direct those good intentions inward and work on keeping your heart focused, active, and wide open. It's important to remember that you're in control of your energies this week.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You're going to have to fight to shine this week, Scorpio, but you'll shine all the brighter 'cause it'll be an earned shine, the shine of champions, a true hero's glow. Once at the top of that hard-fought peak, you'll be in a great place to call a few shots your way. Don't forget to enjoy the fabulously clear view.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Stick with what you already know this week, Sagittarius. This is no time to traipse into the forest to do some sort of Sag thing like play capture the flag or shoot clay ducks. Trust us: you'll just get lost. You've got enough to work with in your own backyard, so fire up the barbecue and keep it simple.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Yikes, Capricorn, what's that nagging sensation pulling at your innards, that little tickle behind your heart asking ennui-heavy questions like "Is that all there is?" Relax. You're just a control freak, and you get squirrelly if you don't know all the answers. But no one knows all the answers, pet. You've got a whole lot going for you; try to enjoy it.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You know why you look so good? 'Cause you've been eating organic and popping vitamins like a pill freak eats bennies. While we advise you to avoid the high colonics and wheat grass fasts, we do want to urge you to keep doing all the wonderfully positive things that have brought you to such a place of fantastic creativity and inspiration.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

The very best thing you can do to pump up your inner muscle man this week is to bow down at the altar of your incredible intuition. You have the ability to understand your situation on a primal, emotional level, and that will serve you better than unleashing that tantrum you're brewing.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years.

Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.