DEAR DAME EVELYN , I am confused about champagne. Recently I made an anniversary dinner for my in-laws, and as an aperitif I brought out a bottle of Schramsberg blanc de blancs I'd found at a wine shop. On the label it said, "Napa Valley champagne," and it wasn't cheap, and it was good. But later I overheard my father-in-law (who's a snoot, frankly) telling my mother-in-law that it wasn't "real" champagne. Please! Isn't this the same stuff Reagan served to Gorby at the White House? I felt like marching right back into the dining room and showing them the receipt! The funny thing is that my father-in-law hates the French; he thinks they're arrogant, disloyal, etc. He watches Fox News a lot. What am I to do?

Down by (in-)law

Bubbles,

So many issues, so little space! I am afraid Dame Evelyn has no remedy for Fox News, other than to shut off the telly or cancel the cable – the last a radical, I might say an unthinkable, step. And there is no cure for fathers-in-law. They are what they are, and if yours regards the French as dodgy, I am afraid you must simply turn the other cheek and change the subject.

As to the matter of champers: When I first read your note, I saw "confused by champagne." This is also known as seeing what you want to see, or, I believe, projection. Dame Evelyn has certainly had her share of champagne-induced out-of-body experiences. I suppose I should say "sparkling wine-induced," since our French friends can be rather prickly in defense of their precious champagne. In brief: No sparkling wine produced in Europe can be labeled "champagne" unless it is produced in the Champagne region of France according to the champagne method, or méthode champenoise. That last phrase is also tightly controlled by European Union regulations. In response, other European vintners have come up with alternative names for their méthode champenoise sparkling wines: cava in Spain, sekt in Germany, to name two. In America, no such restraint applies, and American vintners use the word champagne with abandon. Your better guide here is the phrase méthode champenoise, which tells you the wine has been made in the traditional way: the grape juice fermented into wine, the wine bottled, yeast added to produce the second fermentation (i.e. those lovely bubbles) in the bottle. Better quality, don't you know. Bottoms up!

Sparklingly,

E. G.-S.