Fun fact! You are now reading sun sign astrology: horoscopes based on the constellation the sun was hanging out in at the time of your birth. Your sun sign is a vital component of your astrological makeup, but it's not the only factor, which is why some people don't identify with their sun signs (e.g., a Libra with four planets in Capricorn may not relate to Libran tendencies toward indecisiveness).

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

It's like someone hit the Pause button on the boom box of your life, Aries, and you're suspended in the slightly uncomfortable silence. You may not have enough control over the situation to hit Play, but how you respond to the lack of grooves – and how you're going to dance when the beat comes back – is all up to you.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

Where's the fire, Taurus? It's totally against your nature to rush around in a frenzied whir, so take a breather and head down your path of least resistance, Slowpoke Road. Deep inside, you have a hunch things are going to turn out just how you want them to, and over here at Psychic Dispatch, we think you're right.

Gemini

(May 21-June 21)

Don't you hate it when situations work against you by not going exactly how you want them to? Or worse, when people aren't precisely who you want them to be? Locate a patch of love in your frustrated heart; the entire picture will look a whole lot prettier, we promise.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22)

Red alert! Your approval-seeking tendencies are at dangerous levels. Psychic Preservations suggest finding a cove of inner wilderness where you can wait out this shaky storm. Self-protection is appropriate this week, but check your feelings of scarcity – it just ain't true.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

You've been doing your homework and getting good grades at the School of Hard Knocks, learning about how your integrity is rooted in your emotions. For extra credit we'd like to give you the following assignment: when life overwhelms you this week, don't push it away.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Oh, Fear, that little dictator, always wanting to call the shots. We are so over him. So are you, Virgo. Kick the chump out and get back to work on your garden – metaphorical or otherwise. It's action, not analysis, this week.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

As much as we resent the American tendency to shut off the brain and concentrate on getting laid, that's exactly what you should be doing this week, Libra. So put on a red dress and start doing the humpty dance. Your heavy thinking will just drag you down.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Scorpio, you are hella stubborn. But we Psychic Dreamers like to think this is a blessing, especially when applied to such ends as stubborn optimism, stubborn open-mindedness, and a stubbornly open heart that simply refuses to clamp shut.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The problem this week is how amazingly problem-free this week is, Sag. You've trudged through the drama and assorted annoyances, and now things look sparkly and exciting, and you're standing a bit taller from all that personal growth. The trick is not to let the magical dazzles send you back into freak-out mode.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Nobody on earth is more you than you are, and for mastering the art of being yourself, we think you deserve a prize. Of course, being yourself is its own reward. And you're so in love with yourself this week it might spill over onto someone else.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

It must feel rad to know you're on the right path. However, if you'd drop that extraheavy backpack, you'd really start cruising, and your posture would improve. The straps of that rotten old thing have probably fused with your flesh by now, but just hold your breath, count to three, and rip the thing from your body.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

Pisces, maybe we haven't told you lately how fun you are. And not just fun but smart, too, and would you check out that shimmering intuition – you're practically an oracle! Now stop beating yourself up. You're strong enough to take a crowbar to the part of your brain that keeps talking shit about you, so get to it.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years.

Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.