Liner Notes
By Lynn Rapoport
Worlds
end
EARLIER THIS SPRING, just in time for the North American outbreak
of SARS, a book called Our Final Hour came out and tried to ruin
my life. Like a new designer drug for global-disaster addicts, it recounted
in popular science terms easy enough for the general public to
digest and pass on the various meltdowns, cataclysms, freak accidents,
and errors in judgment that could, conceivably, with varying percentages
of likelihood, bring about the end of the world as we know it. My girlfriend
and housemates strongly advised me to steer clear of this particular book,
knowing how much damage I can inflict on my peace of mind without any
help, knowing how often I lie in bed at night wondering what it would
look like if the sky started falling.
By that same token I should probably be avoiding Margaret Atwood's new
apocalyptic novel, Oryx and Crake, instead of taking it on vacation
for summer reading. I should never have stayed up that one night and watched
The Ring, in which haunting is an epidemic that will eventually
wrap itself around the world until everyone has died of a blurry face.
But I should also put down Lynda Barry's Cruddy right now before
it gets any uglier and seemingly it always can. And I very, very
seriously need to rethink my record collection, which is full of news
about how things are likely to end in murderous rage, pining away,
plane crashes, lost hope. What's the point in avoiding narratives about
our final hour? The larger problem is, the world as we know it ends all
of the time.
The other day I walked into Aquarius and was drawn toward every sad album.
It was like I had one of those beachcomber metal detectors, only mine
picked up traces of other people's melancholy and despair instead of their
pocket change and missing jewelry. I bought a CD by a local guy named
Blaise Smith, mostly because on the front the words "Go Back ...
You're Doomed!" ballooned from the mouth of a cow on a hillside.
I bought Frankie Sparo's Welcome Crummy Mystics. I bought a whole
gorgeous miniseries of country/folk rock tragedy and melodrama
Timesbold's self-titled album, Bonny Prince Billy's Master and Everyone,
Jason Molina's Electric Magnolia Co. I went home and reviewed my
selection of Sebadoh and Sentridoh albums, pausing on The Original
Losing Losers and the upcoming Shrimper rerelease Wasted Pieces
to wonder whether people like Lou Barlow ever feel like they've said too
much. I listened to Superchunk's Here's to Shutting Up. "Everybody's
trying to hold onto a dream, even as they watch it rot," Mac sang,
and my housemate paused in the doorway to ask, "Are you trying to
make yourself feel bad?"
I wasn't, actively, but it's a very hard habit to break. I feel self-conscious
about my propensity to listen to the music of sad people self-involved
young men, mostly but after all, so much greatness has been achieved
by people who refuse to inspire you, who would rather tell you about all
of the wrong turns they and their companions took as they headed down,
as things fell apart and their lives were unmade in the process. These
stories may not have the kind of universal, crowd-scene resonance you
find in movies where big rocks hurtle toward the planet and humanity squares
its collective shoulders. But in a song like Molina's beautiful "Farewell
Transmission," which spills out a life and ends like funeral rites
performed at the desert's edge, the sound of disaster clutches at your
heart.
Some people know just how to make the collapse of private lives sound
like the coming of the apocalypse. Others make the end of the world sound
like a lovely dream. The most uplifting music I ended up with this week
was a song on Smith's album called "Revelations," on which a
woman named Rebecca Marculescu sweetly recounts a vision of the end of
the world. "I dreamed that the sky was falling down," she sings.
"All of the people are in the streets, crying all alone. All of the
buildings are crumbling, one by one."
In Cruddy the buildings crumble all day long too, and a young
girl's life is a numbing calamity, every page leading farther off track,
gutted bodies piling up behind, blood sticking to everything. It's the
kind of book that makes you run through every bad, strange, inexplicable
thing that happened to you when you were young. Meanwhile, Marculescu
calmly sings about end times. "I dreamed that my prayers were answered.
We smiled, happy to be home at last. Heaven on earth now had come to pass
at the final judgment day. Funny how all of our darkest fears fade away."
She makes it seem pointless to feel bad about anything. But it sounds
too pretty to be true, and besides, it's just a dream in a song. What
are the chances? Cruddy's just a novel, but it sounds real enough
when the narrator tells us "there is such a thing as hate in the
world.... The hippies are trying to cure it but I do not think they will
be able to." The first time I read that line, I laughed. But it became
less funny, as I tried to get to sleep and lay there wondering what stories
and worlds would have ended by morning.
For more thoughts about the apocalypse and other weighty issues, see Lynn
Rapoport's new column in News and Culture, coming in August.
E-mail Lynn Rapoport at lynn@sfbg.com.