Aries (March 21-April 19)

Here's what's going on: your yearny wants are messing up your basic needs. Your more practical and loyal needs are blowing it for you in the land of extravagant desire. There is a gulf between what you need and what you crave this week, and we think it's stirring up some drama in your relationships.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

We heard some wisdom from the Prophet dude, Kahlil Gibran, and it went something like: pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses understanding. Trip on that, Taurus, as you grimace through the growing pains caused by all your good growth this week. It's only your shell cracking.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

The changes you're making in your innermost personal life are radical and good, Gemini, but like the disco dancers sing, you've got to be real. We're talking emotionally real, to yourself. You're handling some serious issues right now, so don't stand yourself up; be present. It'll help all your hard work stick.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You can be totally self-righteous this week, and it'll actually be an energetically positive thing. That's 'cause you're lookin' out for number one, making sure your needs are met, 'cause if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself, so get to it. Look to lessons already learned for some direction.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

We hope you've got a high-quality bullshit detector this week, Leo. Prop it up on your life's dashboard, set the frequencies, and keep your ears open, your mental space clear, and your tongue sharp to cut through the bullshit as it arises. And it will arise. You'll have a kick-ass week if you're poised for honest communication.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

It's important this week simply to be with yourself. This shouldn't be terribly hard, as it's one of your favorite activities. But we have a feeling you might be trying to figure out this need for solitude, and it's not going to help you. Stop thinking so much – just go lock the doors and hang out with yourself.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Take the scarcity issues that have been ruling your life and get rid of them. You know what we're talking about: thinking that there's not enough for you, that everyone else is hogging it. The universe is telling you to open up to new ideas. Here's one: it's not personal. Objectively viewing your condition may free you from it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

There's good energy infusing your life this week, Scorpio, but we're a little concerned that you won't know what to do with it. We know what you'll want to do: get all drippy, dive into sensation, and wriggle around. But what you ought to do is stay vigilant and responsible. Work will bring you your desire.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You've finally cracked a crucial code that had been complicating your life. You understand that those ideas that hang out in your head are due for a serious change, and we at Psychic Optimists believe you'll be seeing an improvement from this revelation. But you still have to change your goals, and maybe the rules, too.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your people love you, Capricorn, and that's great, 'cause we want you to have a lot of folks applauding you for your fierce dedication to your path. You're in the midst of an attitude adjustment, one that is going to allow you to enjoy your life lots more. It's a real cause for celebration.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Here we are talking about "goals" again, and you know we don't mean hockey. Unless that's your life's work or something. As for the rest of you, we think you know what you need to do to adjust to these changes. You've got responsibilities to others you must attend to, but since you're all such little humanists, you'll be in your element.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You're not going to like what we have to say, but we're not here to make friends. We want you to slow down. But I want to go! you shriek. I'm too hot to handle! It takes a lot of moxie to choose what is moving at a snail's sustainable pace over the simmering, bubbling tub of fun, but we think you've got it in you to make the right choice this week.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years.

Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.