CALL ME PARANOID . Call me an egomaniac. But there are times when I think I hear someone calling my name. There was less of an echo back in the '80s – what with Kim Carnes and Mel and Kim. But in the early '90s, I had to plug my ears to avoid an Alternative Nation of Kims: Kim Gordon, Kim Deal, Kim Thayil, the list goes on. A few years later, Lil' Kim seemed like the sole pretender to pop culture's Kim-ly throne – and no, I don't answer to that nickname. But that was before the entrance of Eminem.

How do you think I feel hearing Slim Shady screeching at me, poor put-upon Kim, on 2000's Marshall Mathers LP? Sure, maybe Marshall is just working out his "issues" with women, looking for catharsis in a little home-invasion, throat-cutting fantasy as he bleats, "You can't run from me Kim. It's just us. Nobody else! You're only making this harder on yourself. Ha-ha. Gotcha!... You're supposed to love me! Now bleed, bitch, bleed. Bleed, bitch, bleed. Bleeeeeed!" All right, whatever you say.

I can hear the arguments now, along with all of those other voices in my head. You can tell me Em is singing about someone else – his ex, Kim Mathers. You can say they were high school sweethearts, they had a child, they went through a bad breakup, and now he's venting, big baby style. That's what you might tell yourself to feel better, but I don't buy it. This kind of musical abuse can't help affecting you – it's a little like being exposed to hours of violent images, only all of those fictions are toe-tagged with your name. You start to take it personally. You begin to save your pennies for that late-model advanced taser with laser sights. You start to regard those glossy magazine covers trumpeting the greatness and goodness of Shady with increasing suspicion. You look both ways before you open the jewel case of The Eminem Show.

So what was I to do when six-foot-three, 380-pound Atlanta rapper Bone Crusher's new album, AttenCHUN! (Break 'Em Off/So So Def/Arista), came over the transom? Sit up and pay atten-CHUN, I guess. I don't know why I'm being singled out by Crusher, otherwise known as Wayne Hardnett and as a crunk maestro who has supposedly furnished Clipse and Bow Wow with hook matter. What did I do to deserve this? But I guess if I read closely enough, I'll find some personal meaning in my friend Bone's track list. An Ultraman fan from way back, I can relate to sleeve art that unscrolls to reveal Katakana characters and Bone Crusher stomping through an urban landscape like Godzilla through Tokyo. "Grippin' the Grain" – yeah, rice was a staple for my Asian ancestors. "Puttin' in Work" – I'd say I have a fairly healthy work ethic, so that applies. "For the Streets Sound the Horn" – I wouldn't say I was one of those "bad Asian drivers," but I'd never hesitate to give anyone the horn. Yet I think it's Bone Crusher's thug opus and would-be sports-arena sing-along, "Never Scared," that really speaks to me, over a horror-show synth and nerve-jangling beat: "So I'm outside of da club and you think I'm a puuuuuuuunk. / So I go to my loaded tech 9 that's off in the truuuuuuuunk. / I told that muthafucka / I ain't never scared (eastside!) / I ain't never scared (westside!)," etc. It's not the most subtle anthem in praise of, um, headbanging, but I can feel myself walking a little prouder, getting a little louder, and feeling a little less bossed around by the old chainsaw-wielding pip-squeak.

Holding a torch Longtime swing daddy, ex-New Morty Show frontperson, and Zooma Zooma zoot-suiter Vise Grip has a new home at 19 Broadway in Fairfax. He recently convinced the venue to open an adjacent tiki lounge, dubbed the Bamboo Bar, and he has installed himself as host and mixologist. The space, outfitted with a thatched roof, bamboo walls, and naturally, plenty of wooden idols, has its grand opening Aug. 2 with a performance by Connie Champagne, Zooma Zooma, and Dane Dame's Burlesque.... Billy Bob Thornton pulled out of a recent scheduled Parkside appearance not because – as some tabloid readers might presume – he had a hot reunion date with ex-wife and Tomb Raider-ette Angelina Jolie. Sources say his "people" were just worried about sound quality, to which we reply, Hey, why start fretting now – no one seems too concerned about music quality.

Miss me yet? San Francisco's metal mathematicians the Fucking Champs have been going through some changes: guitarist Josh Smith has left, drummer Tim Soete is moving to guitar, and the group is looking for a new drummer.... The Von Bondies recently toiled on their Sire debut at Sausalito's Plant Recording Studios with producer Jerry Harrison. What a small world: Harrison's Talking Heads were one of the first bands on Sire back in the new wave day, and word has it the V.B. release will be the first on the newly revived imprint.... Are the Peaches breaking the mold? Two years ago Moldy Peaches' Kimya Dawson and Adam Green were stealing the Strokes' thunder at the Fillmore. Now they're touring separately, with Dawson going solo July 30 and 31 at the Hemlock Tavern and Green appearing Aug. 1 at Cafe du Nord.... Otsu, the vegan store co-owned by Yvonne Chen, a former Xiu Xiu member (and sister of Bay Guardian contributor George Chen), is peddling its animal product-free garb and gifts at the Lollapalooza tour.... The S.F. Giants' winning streak recently brought out musicians such as Carlos Santana, who was sighted huddled under a blanket in the stands, and Tom Waits, whose appearance prompted one Giants radio broadcaster to strike out with the misguided compliment "Oh yeah, I always liked 'Missing You,' " a hit for the very nonpresent John Waite.