DEAR DAME EVELYN , What is your view on cleaning china and silverware in the dishwasher? My daughter insists there is no problem and thinks I am being absurd when I insist on washing the china and silverware by hand. I think she is reckless. I should add that I inherited both the dishes and the flatware from my mother, who always washed it all by hand. I am not sure I want my daughter inheriting these items, knowing she is bound to stuff them in the dishwasher the first chance she gets. So tell me: Am I being fusty and unreasonable and overcautious? Is it possible to be those things when we're talking about the care of heirlooms?

Dishpan hands

Dearest,

Dame Evelyn does indeed have views on the wisdom of putting china and silverware in the dishwasher. She also has strong views on the virtues of doing things by hand. She also has views on the wisdom of stepping into family feuds, that wisdom being, succinctly phrased, Don't. So I must respectfully decline to arbitrate or otherwise settle the disagreement between you and your daughter. I will say that I put my china (some of it heirloom, some of it not) and silverware in the dishwasher, with the following provisos: I run the machine on the "light/china" cycle, I use a detergent that is safe for china (check the box carefully), and I am very, very – exquisitely – careful about loading and unloading. Always the greatest danger with washing china – whether by machine or hand – is clumsy handling; this is particularly an issue with pieces that are still a bit damp.

If your china has gold leaf, watch it carefully (by comparing it to a control piece you don't run through the machine) to make sure the gold doesn't begin to fade or flake. And make sure silverware doesn't come into contact with any item made from stainless steel while being washed. Something unfortunate about ions can take place, with the result that the silverware can become pitted – and that of course would be the pits, as it is (or used to be) so charmingly put in this country.

Stainlessly, E. G.-S.