Alert! Mercury retrograde begins Aug. 28.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

What a great fucking week this is for you, Aries! We Psychic Dreamers have been scolded lately for our coarse language, but we do believe you are one of the signs that doesn't mind a few robust words tossed into your 'scope. Especially now, when you're balancing on top of the world.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Sure, there are a lot of codependent sorts out there who give 'til it hurts, 'til there's nothing left for themselves, and maybe you're one of those people, but not this week. It's important to remember that it doesn't compromise you to be giving to the people around you.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Mercury doing its backward moon walk through the sky affects everyone, but we're especially concerned about the mischief it could bring to your life this week, Gemini. It's going to be tricky for you to stay on your path, but you'll be able to TCB as long as you keep your focus.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You've gotten stuff off the ground, Cancer, but we're detecting a little problem with the follow-through. You might not feel ready to do what you need to, so the changes you've made will stick. And speaking of stick, expect sticky relationships to give you grief this week as well. Stay focused on why you let these miscreants into your life in the first place.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Here's your forecast: The week starts out sunny, lovely, just the kind of weather you big cats like to bask in, the kind of yummy stinks in the air that make you feel like you want to get out there and do something! Then you get a little too selfish, and it all falls to shit. Don't be too proud to change.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Take a risk, for Christ's sake. Act like you know the universe has got its dimpled arms stretched wide to catch you. Seize that idea you've been toying with, that really great idea that keeps haunting your mind's more optimistic pockets, and start making it happen. This week it's your show.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You've got to maintain stamina this week, Libra. Like a Libran rapper recently rapped, "This is not rehearsal, this is real life." What are you going to do with yours: gather a big bouquet of gorgeous life energy and continue to press onward, or sink down into a sticky, mucky depression?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Are you a gamblin' man, Scorpio? This week we encourage you to place some bets, roll some dice, get yourself dealt into a game – unless, of course, you have a real bad problem with such things. Really, we're being metaphorical here. A night home alone eating broccoli might be as challenging as a night at the bingo hall this week.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

We've got warnings for you people. You've got to be careful about how much of yourself you're giving away to the masses. Emotional offerings need not deplete you, but there's some astrological evidence suggesting that this week they just might. Share your psychic cookies, but make sure you've left a stash at home.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Clamber on out, you little hermit crab or turtle head or snail. Whatever species of shell dweller you may have recently resembled, the time has come for you to trust in your own solidity. The thoughts you've thunk have brought you to a great moment of wholeness.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

God, Aquarius, we here at Psychic Industries are perhaps a little tired of the overused phrase "You rock!" But indeed, you do rock this week, fair bearer of water. You're simply great, rising to meet the exciting challenges your life is gently rolling your way. Just don't let yourself be triggered, and everything's hunky-dory.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

This is a faboo week for you fishies to start swimming down a brand-new creek. Perhaps upgrading to a bona fide stream or river would be a smart idea, anything to get you out of the same old roundabout you've been spinning circles in. The universe wants new things for you, so go get lost.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years.

Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.