Aries (March 21-April 19)

Oh, timid Aries! You can hide your heart from a lot of people but not from the all-seeing gaze of Psychic Busybodies Inc. Indeed, it's our job to bore through your privacy with our laser-beam eyeballs. And what do we see this week? A piece of your tender heart that you're too scared to share but simply must.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Deep down in that wise place where your intuition lives, Taurus, you have a strong feeling that things are gonna be all right. And they are! Your challenge in the days ahead is to resist clinging to the good things that come your way. There's more where they came from, so try more enjoying and less worrying.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

You're on fire, Gemini! Can you feel it? This is a great week to connect with your inner eternal flame, to pat yourself on the back for having so much damn integrity in such a slippery, morally bankrupt world, and to cultivate a sense of awe for your capabilities – which you've only begun to comprehend.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Stop it, Cancer, stop it right now! We refuse to allow you to continue beating yourself up like this! And for what? Things you can't change, that's what. We suspect the antidote to this bad behavior resides in some superloving communication, the kind that makes your heart get all gooey and wide open.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Patience, Leo! We know you're all jazzed up and want to dash headlong into whatever spotlight you're considering, but we beg you to slow the pace. Head toward that goal of yours at a steady gallop, not a sprint. Sustainable bursts of effort now allow you a brighter shine in the future.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Excellent, excellent Virgo! We're totally stoked, dude, that you're ready to deal with your fears in such a courageous, head-on manner! Of course, such noble bravery doesn't mean you won't be scared, or popping some nice valerian capsules to ward off anxiety, but it does mean you can handle it.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Well, if you love yourself so much, Libra, why don't you go marry yourself? No, really. This is a great week to tie the knot, as chances are you'll be falling in love with yourself all over again. However, we do advise against the wild Ibiza honeymoon. It's all about true love – and balance.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

A bit of a tricky week for you, Scorpio. What we'd like to see is more of those efforts to be super-duper loving to yourself and those lucky enough to be part of your secret inner circle. Once anesthetized with bliss, take an enthusiastic peek into your vulnerable parts and see what you find.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If the passion cooker isn't blowing its top, spewing dazzling streams of molten desire all over your heart's kitchen, something is wrong, Sagittarius! Please report to whatever scenic overlook gives you the best view of your life, so you can see what's holding you back and pull its plug.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Know what's worse than feeling sad, Capricorn? Feeling so irritated at your sadness that you bustle around, adamantly denying you're sad and becoming increasingly shut off from the treasure box of your own emotions. That's a drag. Show up for your feelings this week.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Sure, you're overwhelmed now, Aquarius, but this isn't about now; it's about the future! Don't lose sight of what you're working toward this week, when your life makes you feel like hopping the next train outta here. It's all about the big picture, which comes into focus soon enough.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You're on the right track, Pisces, and it's a track of your own making – a jungle trail you're cutting with your own sharp fingers, a dirt road you're paving over with sparkling seashells and glitter bits and sturdy, durable concrete. It'll take you right up to the front door of an incredibly big change.

  Michelle Tea is an award-winning writer who is deeply enamored with the esoteric arts. Intuitive counselor Jessica Lanyadoo has been serving the Bay Area and beyond with her mind-blowingly accurate astrology and tarot readings for the past eight years.

Together they are Double Team Psychic Dream, an astrology-tarot collaboration that has been fraternizing with fate for the past five years. Call Lanyadoo for an appointment at (415) 336-8354. Write to Double Team at lovedoubleteam@hotmail.com.