DEAR ANDREA: My girlfriend is 29 and has had 15 partners. I'm 28, with 10. I'm not happy about her having bedded 50 percent more partners than I have. It pisses me off. I'm in love but part of me feels that I ought to be honest about this. Is it possible for me to work through my jealousy and anger, or will I succumb to the stud/slut double standard, which rewards promiscuity in men but punishes it in women? Am I being too uptight about this?

Love, Grrrrr!

Dear G: You are being crazy uptight, but the question isn't where you register on some uptightness scale supplied by your local sex expert, it's whether you can work through your resentment before you chase this girl away and have to hate yourself forever. You can, but it's going to be a pile of work, and you may need her help, so you're going to have to confess eventually. At that point, you'd best be prepared to hear, "You're mad about what? Five guys who meant nothing to me, back before I even met you? What the hell is your problem?" I certainly hope she doesn't apologize for having had a life before she met you. Even if it were worth apologizing for, it's not like there's anything she can do about it now.

I have one question for you: Is your problem really that your girlfriend had achieved the none-too-startling total of 15 lovers by her late twenties, or that you hadn't? Not that I'm suggesting you can fix this by sneaking out and running up your total. You could, but I wouldn't recommend it. And I have one piece of advice for you: next time, don't ask questions if you're not prepared to hear the answer.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: My husband wants me to tell him stories about myself and others having sex, where he enters the picture along the way. This kills the moment for me. I don't need to fantasize after two years of marriage! This has come about since the birth of our child. He used to go all night. His staying power is now a joke – the old 30-second routine. When we dated, I thought I hit the jackpot! Now it's all spent. What's wrong with me? Why does he really want the stories? I have talked very honestly with him. I've cried, I've gotten mad, I've tried pity, shame, everything I could think of. He says, "OK, we won't tell stories anymore," then the next time it's "Tell me a story." How do I get the good stuff back? Or should I accept the fact that this fantasy stuff will eventually make me fantasize about other men and lead me down the road to flirting with others, then the real temptation?

Love, No Stories!

Dear N: Well, will it? I'm fairly sure that isn't his grand plan here. No, he isn't trying to drive you into the arms of another; he's barely thinking about you at all. He's having some issues, possibly about the changes in your relationship since the baby came, possibly about something else all together, and he's found a solution in the stories. He needs them to get himself excited, so why won't you just cooperate already? Sheesh.

Um, you know I wasn't serious, right? You are under no obligation to entertain him on demand, nor is there anything wrong with you. There is surely something going on with him, though, and if he doesn't clue you in soon, you're both in trouble.

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea: When I met my wife, I think she was reluctant to date me because I had two children, and she was a very eligible bachelorette. She limited our romantic activities to a kiss and some heavy petting. Being a regular guy, I tactfully kept the pressure on her, and eventually we became lovers. I once asked her jokingly what her other boyfriends would say about such a puritan relationship, and she laughed and told me they got the same treatment. I knew that she had dated extensively, but out of respect for her I didn't pry into her past. I must admit I was curious, but she seemed a little guarded, and I didn't press it.

After all these happy years together, my wife has never brought up the subject of intimacy or lack of it with her previous boyfriends other than to laugh and comment that when we met, she was a young innocent, and that I corrupted her. I am still curious if I was her first lover, but I have not asked. I am not the jealous type, and she knows that, but curiosity is killing me. All this time and mutual devotion, am I foolish to still wonder about her prior sexual relations with old boyfriends?

Love, Tactful

Dear T: Very foolish. But don't let that stop you.

Love, Andrea