DEAR ANDREA, When I and my current girlfriend have sex, she always wants to put a pillow under me. I ask her what for, and she laughs and says, just do it. I read somewhere that if a man has a small penis, he should place a pillow under him. Is this true? I told her that all my other girlfriends have told me my penis was underaverage. Can you tell me some positions to stay away from and ones that I should be doing instead? I want my girlfriend to realize I am not embarrassed for being too small and thin. I wish she could just be completely honest with me like my ex-girlfriends.

Love,
Small but Spunky

Dear Spunky: Jeez, guy, if she wants a pillow, just give her a pillow and get on with it. You know you're small. She knows you're small. She knows you know she knows you're small. Does she need to put it in writing?

The positions to stay away from are the ones you can't do. Doggie style, probably. Spooning. You need positions that shorten the distance from your pelvis to her vagina. Raise your hips. Keep her legs together or put her on top. It's not rocket science, but then, as I've often pointed out, even rocket science isn't rocket science. There are basic physical principles at work here; they won't change. Figure them out and follow them, or just use the pillow. I haven't told the Sad Story of the Sex Pillows yet, have I?

Lots of people have trouble with interlocking parts; it's not just you. Fat people, pregnant people, mobility-impaired people – you're not the first couple to need a pillow to make ends meet. So, a few years back, some clever marketing types started selling fairly standard foam wedges and cubes, renamed "The Liberator" (www.liberatorshapes.com) and gussied up in pretty purple (washable) velvet. They come with a lavishly illustrated manual full of the aforementioned assorted body types having assorted, intensely gratifying sex, and I have no doubt they'd work for you, too. Of course, that's an educated guess; I've never tried them. Back when their P.R. gal bullied me mercilessly into accepting some samples, my husband and I were too busy to mess with them but meant to get around to it just as soon as we got back from vacation. That would be the vacation where he was hit by a car and ended up in three hospitals for three operations. Home between procedures, the injured leg required elevation, et voilà! The sex pillows became sickroom pillows, lost all their sex appeal, and sat in a corner spawning dust bunnies until we finally gave them away (the pillows, not the bunnies) to a good home.

All of which was a long-winded way to say maybe you'd like some sex pillows. If you can afford them, get some. Just don't get hit by a car.

Love,
Andrea

Dear Andrea: My wife easily achieves orgasm when I go down on her, but intercourse is comparatively sedate. Then one morning nobody had the energy to be on top so we were her-back-to-my-front, and I noticed that I had clear access to her clitoris, so I applied my fingers, and I got the wife-writhing action I have always wanted. I knew this kind of thing could work, but no other position so easily allowed it, and she doesn't stimulate herself. I like to see her getting off but while she'll dutifully grind with me on all occasions, it is duty (cheerfully rendered, but still).

Since then I've discovered there is a whole category of clit vibrators and suchlike, some of which permit intercourse. Any idea which of the options will be worth the investment?

Love,
Savvy Shopper

Dear Shopper: Here's the thing: adding a vibrator to partnered sex is more a mental adjustment than a physical one – it's about figuring out that adding a toy isn't cheating; it's just problem-solving. You've already managed that. You could probably even figure out the next part, but they have to pay me for something, so I'll choose a product for you. You want something small, strong, and either battery-operated or rechargeable. I nominate the hilariously named and amusingly advertised Fukuoku 9000, the tiny Japanese finger-vibe. Or perhaps the newer "massage glove," which contains five finger-mounted vibrators – how could you go wrong? In truth, almost any vibrator will work for this, but the infinitesimal F-9000 is idiot-proof, or at least, as my in-home engineer likes to put it, idiot-resistant.

Love,
Andrea