DEAR ANDREA: I read your column in which the New Age-y guy was lambasting you for recommending the Fukuoku. While I don't agree with much of what he says, the Fukuoku is a big rip-off. I bought one after reading about how it was so quiet and unobtrusive – it is. But it's also numbing and not nearly strong enough. Everybody likes something different, but I finally bought a Hitachi and will never go back. It's really loud and awkward, but it causes major "wife-writhing action." I have quite a few toys and haven't found a vibe yet that is both quiet-unobtrusive and powerful enough. Hey, maybe you can find one and recommend it to your readers.

Love,
Unbuzzed

Dear Buzz: I could try. Hell, it probably wouldn't even cost me anything, as people are always trying to send me sex toys I don't even want, some of which frighten me. But honestly, what would be the point? You said it yourself: everybody likes something different.

For someone like the original questioner's wife, who was easily pushed over the edge by some unassisted finger-strumming, the tiny toy could well be enough. For someone who needs a great galumphing jackhammer of a machine like the Hitachi, clearly not.

There are currently dozens of tiny, almost obnoxiously cute toys available (rubber ducky, anyone?), every one of which will be God's Own Orgasm Machine for some and a giant yawn for others. I can recognize a piece of garbage when I see it (a vibrating plastic tube sock cast from Jenna Jameson's twat), but I can't determine what will work for anyone else, no matter how much vigorous product testing I undertake.

Love,
Andrea

Dear Andrea: My girlfriend cannot climax at all during intercourse. She has no problems while masturbating and orally. She says none of her exes ever could make her and she's just accepted it. I have always had women climax with me during intercourse and feel it is the best experience.

It's a downer to put out two plates of food and have only one person eating.

Love,
Out of Ideas

Dear Out: Your girlfriend has the right attitude – there are things in life we must simply accept. Look at it this way: she could have been born with no legs or with some degenerative neurological disease. She could be healthy but unable to come at all (certainly rare but possible). Instead she was born perfectly normal, with a perfectly common female complaint. Nobody knows for sure how common it is – the figure we still hear, 75 percent, is and always was bogus – but a goodly number of women enjoy intercourse without coming from it. You've tried everything. It's time to quit sulking and comparing her to former girlfriends (some of whom may have been faking it, sorry to say) and get on with it. She comes from oral and manual sex. Do those. Have intercourse. Have an orgasm. Do those again. Everyone will be happy. Keep reminding her of your exes and how you "feel that's the best experience," and I guarantee you, nobody will be happy.

Love,
Andrea

Dear Andrea: My girlfriend's clitoris is large and very sensitive. She reaches orgasm very quickly, and then any type of stimulation or penetration is very painful to her. If she reaches orgasm during intercourse, we have to stop before I can reach orgasm, and I end up having to masturbate. When she reaches orgasm during oral sex, she asks me to wait a while before intercourse, but even then she frequently tells me to stop; my feeling that she is enduring rather than enjoying makes the experience impossible for me to enjoy. I've asked her to speak with someone about this, but she doesn't feel comfortable.

Love,
Too Much

Dear Much: Now this is an interesting problem. Have you tried positions that allow little clitoral stimulation? Maybe doggy style, with her up on her knees, not flat on the bed, no touching allowed? This is so exactly the opposite of the usual advice that I can't help thinking it could help. Otherwise, it's all in the rescheduling: do all the heavy petting you can manage without any clitoral stimulation, then do stuff that will get you off (maybe intercourse till she says stop, then a blow job), then do her. I'm also tempted to suggest one of those numbing creams. Sex mavens are always yelling at people not to use them, but it's not like they're dangerous; they're mostly just silly.

Finally, and most controversially, it may well behoove her to speak to someone, no matter how much she'd prefer not. Specifically, someone who could prescribe her a low dose of something like Paxil. No promises, but sometimes those pesky sexual side effects are just what the doctor ordered.

Love,
Andrea