8 Days a Week

Dec. 24-31, 2003

CONFUCIUS SAID, "What can be done with a man who stuffs his face with food all day, without exercising his mind? He could at least play cards or chess or something. It would be better than nothing." One wonders if he was anticipating 'An Evening of Kung Pao Kosher Comedy.' It's just the right combination of mental and gastric delight over which the venerable sage might have shrugged his shoulders in acquiescence: a sumptuous Chinese banquet (with a vegetarian alternative) paired with live entertainment by some of the country's cleverest Jewish comedians. Tucked away in San Francisco's Chinatown, just out of eyeshot of Union Square, and hosted as always by Kung Pao's creator-producer, Lisa Geduldig, the 11th annual feast and floor show features Ed Crasnick, Judy Gold, and Bruce Smirnoff. Kung Pao Kosher Comedy has become a local holiday tradition unto itself, for Jews and gentiles alike, regularly selling out every seat in its four-day run. So if you're feeling sweet and sour about Christmas this year, book your tickets soon. Wed/24 and Fri/26-Sat/27, 6 and 9:30 p.m.; Thurs/25, 5 and 8:30 p.m., New Asia Restaurant, 772 Pacific, S.F. $35-$50. (415) 522-3737, www.koshercomedy.com. (Robert Avila)

Dec. 24

Wednesday

Hallelujah! There are many Bay Area types for whom seasonal merrymaking won't be complete until they attend the 14th annual San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus 'Home for the Holidays' concert. So though the Castro Theatre seats more than 1,000, the cavernous movie palace will no doubt be packed to the gills for all three shows (check ahead for ticket availability). Everyone from traditionalists to fans of 1970s AM radio classics can get their kicks at this Christmas Eve concert, which features a humorous take on the "Hallelujah" chorus from Handel's Messiah, holiday sing-alongs, and selections from the Carpenters' A Christmas Portrait with guest vocalist Meg Mackay. The program pays tribute to Christmas, Hanukkah, the winter solstice, and Kwanzaa, so revelers of all stripes can find something to sing about when the 200-plus members of the world's oldest openly gay men's chorus take the stage. 5, 7, and 9 p.m., Castro Theatre, 429 Castro, S.F. $15-$20. (415) 865-3650, www.sfgmc.org. (Cheryl Eddy)

Dec. 25

Thursday

Folk medicine Ah, Dec. 25. For some, it's the day all that shopping, baking, traveling, wrapping, decorating, and stressing finally pays off, then rapidly dissolves into a post-holiday haze. But if Christmas isn't something you happen to celebrate – or if it is and you're looking for a peaceful way to wind down the day – head to Berkeley's Rose Street House of Music, which hosts women's folk music concerts, for the 10th annual Dykelah Escape-from-You-Know-What-Day Musical Extravaganza. (Reassuringly, the event's title guarantees "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" won't be on the playlist.) This year's lineup includes Cofi Kwango, the Rivkin Twins, Eileen Hazel, Helen Chaya, and Lia Rose; proceeds go to the very worthy Shalom Bayit, a Bay Area organization of Jewish women working to end domestic violence. 4-7 p.m., Rose Street House of Music, 1839 Rose, Berk. $5-$20. (510) 594-4000, ext. 687, www.rosestreetmusic.com. (Eddy)

Dec. 26

Friday

Beyond Santa Christmas and Hanukkah are quite familiar to most folks – and if you watch The O.C., you're even down with "Chrismukkah," a blended-religion extravaganza designed to maximize gift-getting potential. The one winter holiday that seems to have escaped undue commercialization is Kwanzaa, a traditionally African American celebration that emphasizes the kinds of things people from all cultures and races could use a little more of: family and community ties and seven guiding principles (including self-determination, creativity, purpose, and responsibility) well worth adhering to. Grab the kids and head across the Golden Gate Bridge for the Bay Area Discovery Museum's 16th annual Kwanzaa Celebration, a free day of African arts and crafts, music, performances, soul food, and more. Noon-4 p.m., Bay Area Discovery Museum, 557 McReynolds, Fort Baker, Sausalito. Free. (415) 339-3900, www.baykidsmuseum.org. (Eddy)

Blown away Chu Chu, a founder of the West Coast open mic session Project Blowed, is one of the most avid folklorists in underground hip-hop. In fact, if you shoot the breeze with Chu Chu for half a cigarette, he might regale you with yarns about hip-hop standard-bearers: he'll tell you that Fat Joe once got booed off the stage at Project Blowed and that Biz Markie used to swing by regularly before he made it big. Launched at South Central Los Angeles's Good Life Cafe in 1989, Project Blowed is the world's longest-running hip-hop open mic session, showcasing some of the tightest, most-likely-to-burn-through-your-brain MCs of the underground, such as Aceyalone and P.E.A.C.E. The Weird People of Project Blowed perform with Greans, Thunder Hut, Pushing Destination, and Enzyme. And don't forget Saturday's open mic at the Elbo Room, featuring the verbal pyrotechnics of Medusa, who is arguably the gangsta incarnation of Ella Fitzgerald. She offers an open challenge for any Ponderosa Pine who wants to cipher – just brace yourself for a formidable battle. 9 p.m., Last Day Saloon, 406 Clement, S.F. $5. (415) 387-6343. (Also Sat/27, 10 p.m., Elbo Room, 647 Valencia, S.F. $10. 415-552-7788.) (Rachel Swan)

Dec. 27

Saturday

Beast friends The Coyote Point Museum is a "living" learning center, not only because it's devoted to teaching people how to care for and maintain wildlife and the environment but also because it houses live plants and animals that people can learn from. Its habitats are home to more than 50 native Californian animals – including a bobcat, burrowing owls, red-legged frogs, and rattlesnakes – you can observe at a pretty close distance (you wouldn't want to get too close!). At today's Animals in Winter event, attendees can learn about the winter habits of these critters and participate in a special craft project. Make sure to get to the museum before the program begins to witness the feeding of Coyote Point's two resident foxes (11:30 a.m.) and river otters (12:15 p.m.). 1 p.m., Coyote Point Museum, 1651 Coyote Point Dr., San Mateo. $2-$6. (650) 342-7755, www.coyoteptmuseum.org. (Sarah Han)

Dec. 28

Sunday

Believe the hype What kind of rumors will arise after Japanther visit the Bay Area? You can see them yourself and become the gossip or you can miss them and read the gossip. Which will you choose? This Brooklyn duo have a rep for either being extremely angry and violent ("Dude! They took out brass knuckles and robbed my dead uncle of his life savings!") or the nicest people in the world who play the most upbeat songs ever ("Dude! We were on tour and they gave us their van after making us a buffet from scratch! And they rock!"). More likely the latter is true. Honestly, though, I don't care, 'cause their new releases, Critical Circles (Vice Records) and Leather Wings (Menlo Park), are some of the greatest recordings laid to wax this year. Japanther play tonight at the Hemlock Tavern with the Ponies and Le Flange du Mal and Tuesday at the Stork Club with the Ponies, Rainbow Blanket, My Little Red Toe, Kiss Kiss Kiss, California Casual, and Atole. 10 p.m., Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk, S.F. $5. (415) 923-0923. (Also Tues/30, 9 p.m., Stork Club, 2330 Telegraph, Oakl. $5. 510-444-6174.) (Chris Touchton)

Feliz navidad As it turns out, The Nutcracker isn't the only Christmas-themed dance performance to reach these parts. Formed in 1952, Ballet Folklórico de México de Amalia Hernández is world-renowned for its vivid performances of theatrical dances drawn from all facets of Mexican culture, history, and folklore – not to mention their exquisite costumes and sets. 'Navidades: A Christmas Celebration' features a cast of 60 (dancers, musicians, a choir, and mariachi) bringing Mexican Christmas traditions to the stage. The diverse show includes an array of indigenous dances, a work honoring the birth of Christ, the Posadas, the Pastorela, and even a piñata or two. Sugar Plum Fairy, eat your heart out! 3 p.m., Marin Center, Marin Veterans' Memorial Auditorium, Avenue of the Flags at Civic Center, San Rafael. $18-$45. (415) 499-6800, www.tickemaster.com. (Eddy)

Dec. 29

Monday

Holidazed It'd be hard to come up with a richer post-Xmas topic than what's brewing at tonight's Lit at the Canvas reading: "Worst Holiday Ever." We can all relate, as just about everyone has had a late-December run-in with the family psycho, or accidentally set the Christmas tree on fire, or managed to put off gift shopping until one hour before the mall closes, or been stranded overnight at Chicago O'Hare, or been trapped at the holiday party from hell. You get the picture. In fact, audience members have a chance to spin their own tales of woe alongside featured readers cartoonist Keith Knight (The K Chronicles) and author/woman-about-town Beth Lisick (This Too Can Be Yours). Writer Kevin Smokler hosts the misery commiseration; producer Melinda Adams plans to continue the series in 2004 with topics as wide-ranging as robots, rock, and the government. 7 p.m., Canvas Cafe, 1200 Ninth Ave., S.F. Free (donations accepted). lit@lilycat.com. (Eddy)

Dec. 30

Tuesday

Think tiny Frankly, the selection of activities around town on this Tuesday – stranded as it is, between Christmas and New Year's – is very wee. Minuscule, in fact. Maybe even microscopic. Which makes it appropriate that one of the few things going on today, aside from sifting through the sales to find last-minute New Year's Eve attire, is NanoRama, an afternoon of nanotechnology exploration for small fries at the Lawrence Hall of Science. Budding eggheads can participate in hands-on exhibits and learn about the potential applications of rearranging all those atoms and molecules – from something so small, nearly endless possibilities. Noon-2 p.m., Lawrence Hall of Science, Centennial Drive above the UC Berkeley campus, below Grizzly Peak Blvd., Berk. $4.50-$8.50. (510) 642-5132, www.lawrencehallofscience.org. (Eddy)

Dec. 31

Wednesday

Todos somos Marcos As the clock struck midnight 10 years ago this New Year's Eve, thousands of masked indigenous guerrillas descended from the highlands of Chiapas, Mexico – many equipped with nothing more than fake guns made of wood – to overtake San Cristóbal de las Casas and half a dozen surrounding towns. The Ejército Zapatista Liberación Nacional timed their quasi-armed insurrection to coincide with the onset of the North American Free Trade Agreement. The first shots fired sounded the beginning of what has arguably become the most important struggle on the globe today: the worldwide anti-neoliberal-globalization movement. Activists from various countries have converged on Chiapas to commemorate that day and remind the world that the struggle isn't over. For those Bay Area supporters who couldn't swing the trip, the Chiapas Support Committee is providing the means to gather in solidarity, at the New Year's Eve Zapatista Party – featuring homegrown danza Azteca by the Cuauhtonal troupe of Oakland, Zapatista songs and more by folkloric rock group the Bodhi Busic Band, son jarocho by Richmond-based Son de la Tierra, and rock en español by Orixa, as well as spoken word and Zapatista education. Proceeds benefit the Zapatista Autonomous Region of San Manuel, Chiapas. 8:30 p.m.-2 a.m., Humanist Hall, 390 27th St., Oakl. $15. (510) 654-9587, cezmat@igc.org. (Camille T. Taiara)

Countdown throw-down Afrobeat is a musical phenomenon whose time has come. After languishing in the record crates of only the most erudite DJs, Afrobeat forebear Fela Kuti's inimitable sound has finally found its way to American stages. If you're unfamiliar with the Black President's relentless African funk and politicized lyrics, stop reading this and go get Zombie (Barclay). If you're already hip to his earthshaking anthems, you know El Rio is the place to be this New Year's Eve. Aphrodesia, San Francisco's contenders in the Afrobeat arena, are 11 young heavyweights who play Kuti's music but embellish the form with Latin swing and reggae skank. Vocalist Lara Maykovich adds a steamy sensuality not found in Kuti's aggressive chants, shifting the focus of the message from the boardroom to the bedroom. It's an irresistible twist that'll keep you begging for more. Proceeds from the show, dubbed "Dance down the Empire: Resistance Lounge II," benefit Direct Action to Stop the War. 8 p.m.-2 a.m., El Rio, 3158 Mission, S.F. $20-$50 (no one turned away for lack of funds). (415) 282-3325, www.actagainstwar.org. (Jonathan Zwickel)