I'M BACK. Did you get my postcard? There's so much more to tell, but no way I'm gonna get it all into one column, so maybe I'll write a book. Look for it about 35 years from now, realistically. Meanwhile, let me just say this: I ate Mexican food in Alabama and Thai food in El Paso. That's how desperate we were for something different to chew on by the last leg of our tour, which was Southern and Southwestern in nature.

There's no need, I don't think, to describe to you Thai food in El Paso, is there? The Mexican restaurant in Alabama was actually good to me. But Thai food in El Paso requires no further elucidation. There is no adjective ... there are adjectives, but they're just not necessary. All I have to say is Thai food in El Paso and you're right there with me, wishing you were somewhere else, like Thailand or San Francisco. Home.

But no. El Paso, Texas.

But now we're home, yes, reading the Bay Guardian and going out to eat as often as possible at Manora's and Yamo Thai Kitchen and all my other favorite Thai places in the world – a subset which includes every Thai restaurant in the world that isn't also in El Paso.

Last night, in an effort to find something even closer to home than the Mission or South of Market, Crawdad and I bounced around 24th Street deciding between Rin's and Swatdee. We chose Swatdee not so much because it's a block and a half closer to home for us, but because the great Ask Isadora was kind enough to review Rin's for Cheap Eats back in '97. I'm sure my take on their fried bananas with ice cream would have been a lot less sexy than hers, but still ... as far as I know, no one, not even Tom Tomorrow, has ever reviewed Swatdee for this paper.

And before I do, I just want to say it one more time, strictly for comic effect:

Thai food in El Paso.

Now then, on 24th Street in Noe Valley, between Castro and Diamond, there is a delightfully decorative little Thai joint with tablecloths, candles, real flowers, and nobody eating there except me and Crawdad last night. Why? Well, it was Monday, and it was cold. Cold in the restaurant even, despite all the atmospheric touches (porch light lamps, soft music, dropped lattice ceiling) ... San Francisco in December. Where would you rather be?

As if to compensate for the weather, or else out of boredom, the staff was about as warm and attentive as any staff ever was. At least four different people served us, at various times, holding doors open, topping off our water glasses whenever any of the water evaporated, scooping our rice for us. Laughing, smiling. About the only thing they didn't do was chew our food, or pay the bill.

And a good thing, too, because now I can tell you how and how much everything was.

The fried vegetarian egg rolls, off the specials board, were delicious. But why $5.25? Even off the regular menu, egg rolls go for $5.50. Which is strange because it's not an expensive restaurant. The prices, in general, are comparable to Manora's: sixes and sevens, appetizers in the fives. Usually egg rolls are three- or four-something, aren't they? Maybe I'm dreaming. Anyway, there's only two of them, and they're very good, but at that price I'm going to have to recommend that you get something else, because everything else was good too. So what's the point, if you get my point?

Pla-kung, for example, for $6.25, is a salad of smoked shrimps, split and served with plenty of red onions, red pepper, lettuce, and cilantro in a great lemon-limey sauce. Speaking of which, they have larb ($5.50). I didn't order it, because the first two words describing it were ground and beef (my italics). But I didn't notice until now that they also have a hot beef salad ($5.95), which they describe as barbecued beef (my italics), seasoned with lime juice and fresh chile, mixed with lettuce, onion, and cucumber.

Sounds good, huh? And it's just 45¢ more than egg rolls, for crying out loud.

What else? We had green curry beef ($6.25, or 75¢ more than egg rolls). A bowl of beef in coconut milk with green peppers, lots of basil, eggplant, and zucchini. It wasn't as spicy as I was expecting, but it was good.

But it wasn't as good as the moo yang ($6.50), thin strips of grilled marinated pork served over lettuce and carrot slivers with a real nice sweetish, spicy sauce. Only thing about this dish is you have to eat it fast or it's going to get cold. Especially in December in San Francisco on a Monday night.

Hey, happy holidays everyone.

Swatdee. 4166 24th St. (at Castro), S.F. (415) 824-8070. Lunch: Mon.-Fri., 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Dinner: daily, 4:30-10 p.m. Takeout available. Beer and wine. American Express, MasterCard, Visa. Wheelchair accessible.